So frustrated! — The Bump
Potty Training

So frustrated!

I am one that truly believes that potty training is 200% up to the child.  I show my kids the tools, talk about it, etc but don't push them.  They go to preschool and see the other kids using the potty, they see me and DH using the potty, etc.  DD #1 trained at 2 years 9 months - she showed interest starting at around age 2 but it would come and go.  When she trained, she night trained first and it took about 3 weeks to be totally trained.  DD#2 is a totally different story - at 16 months, she started showing interest and would pee in the potty off and on.  Last spring, she was doing great - staying dry a ton but not pooping in the potty.  We tried undies for 2 months over the summer and in the beginning she was dry almost all the time but would never poop in the potty.  Towards the end of the 2 months, she stopped using the potty 100% so we went to pull-ups as she just had lost all interest and was having accidents all the time (at daycare FT by the way).  We did pull-ups so she would still have the ability to go on her own when she wants to but still using them as you would a diaper.  Over the fall, she would, go between wanting to use the potty to no interest but still never pooping.  In December, she begged for undies again so we gave it another try and she did great for about 3 days and even pooped in the potty but then annouced that she was done and went back to refusing to poop in the potty and not peeing in the potty most of the time.  She will be 3 in March and is now telling me she will be trained when she turns 3.

I know going back and forth with the pull-ups is not good but she will not use the potty unless she wants to and its not fair to daycare to have her having accidents all the time and honeslty, it is way to stressful.  She is a very strong-willed child and while we all know she could be trained, she won't be until she is good and ready.  She knows when she has to go but still refuses to poop on the potty most of the time and pee is about 50/50.

I know it will happen in time and when she decided she is ready, it will be done and that will be that but I am so tired of changing her diapers - I think I would be fine if I didn't know that this is just a power thing for her (and I'm trying to not think about this as she is winning).  I try hard to not push her at all and try not to even ask if she wants to go since If I ask, the answer will be no but if I just let it be, she will go more often than not.

Anyone else in this type of situation?  And I'm not really looking for advice or anything - I've been through potty training, I don't belive in the 3 day training thing as I truely believe in the thought of kids will train when they are ready and I can't train her to do.  Just frustrated at this point and really more tired of spending the money and cleaning her poopy little tush!

Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 

Re: So frustrated!

  • My DD has been potty trained since before she was 2 and there were times she attempted to regress b/c:
    # 1. she noticed all her friends at daycare still used their diapers and wanted to too
    # 2. she said she was "too busy" to go to the potty when asked after she had not tried in a few hours

    I also have a very strong willed child, so, my solution may sound a little harsh but I simply told her:
    for # 1. "That's fine, you can wear diapers, BUT diapers are for babies.  Babies do not get to watch cartoons and have to take naps."  DD loves to watch her 1 cartoon before bedtime and does not nap when she is not at daycare.
    for # 2.  She didn't have to go if she was "too busy."  But when she had an accident after we had asked her to try to go she was responsible for washing out her pants and cleaning the floor (we have mostly hard wood)
    And I stuck to what I said.  It worked and I don't even think she knows know that she could still have the option of a diaper.

    Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • imageAudtee:

    My DD has been potty trained since before she was 2 and there were times she attempted to regress b/c:
    # 1. she noticed all her friends at daycare still used their diapers and wanted to too
    # 2. she said she was "too busy" to go to the potty when asked after she had not tried in a few hours

    I also have a very strong willed child, so, my solution may sound a little harsh but I simply told her:
    for # 1. "That's fine, you can wear diapers, BUT diapers are for babies.  Babies do not get to watch cartoons and have to take naps."  DD loves to watch her 1 cartoon before bedtime and does not nap when she is not at daycare.
    for # 2.  She didn't have to go if she was "too busy."  But when she had an accident after we had asked her to try to go she was responsible for washing out her pants and cleaning the floor (we have mostly hard wood)
    And I stuck to what I said.  It worked and I don't even think she knows know that she could still have the option of a diaper.

    I have tried a ton of things - I don't beleive in punishment or taking things away for potty training accidents.  We have tried rewards for going, she is getting to be the oldest kid in her preschool class since the kids get to move up when they are 3 and potty trained so about once a week she comes and tells me which of her friends moved up.  She is often reminded that she gets to move up (which she is more than ready to) when she is trained.  She has undies and knows she gets to buy more once trained.  We have rewarded with trips to her favorite places, done the whole sticker chart thing and have had her help clean up her messes - nothing works.  She barely watches TV so taking it away would not phase her at all (again, I wouldn't do that as I don't believe potty accidents at this age deserve punishment).  We have also had the whole talk about big girls wear undies, little girls and babies wear diapers - she could care less!

    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • I'm sorry, but IMO there is a line to be drawn regarding letting them call the shots with PTing or anything else. "Waiting until they're ready" is fine (and I agree, necessary), but you can't 100% leave that decision up to a 2 year old. Toddlers are manipulative, and will do what they want if given the opportunity. There needs to be some boundaries.

    I personally didn't want to endure the back and forth dance of watching her interest come and go. At some point it has to be about necessity, and development of personal care skills, not just what they feel like doing at the moment. Indulging their every whim regarding what they do and do not want to do is just a recipe for disaster, IMO.

    We introduced the potty over the course of several months starting at about 18 mos, just talked about it, let her sit on it, let her wear undies, let her see what happened when she peed in them, etc. We weren't pushy, but taught her the basics. She did lose interest for awhile afterwards, so we backed off. However, once we knew she had the ability to get it (I made this decision, didn't leave it up to her), we scheduled a long weekend specifically to focus on PTing, and we did the 3DPT program.

    It worked. Plain and simple. We're almost 2 weeks in, and there have been no accidents since a few days into the program. There was (and is) no defiance, no power struggle, no anything. Diapers were gone, and she had to pee and poop in the potty, or there was a mess. Period.

    I guess everyone's different, but I highly recommend the 3DPT method, and will use it for future children.



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  • imageMrsHughesNC:

    I'm sorry, but IMO there is a line to be drawn regarding letting them call the shots with PTing or anything else. "Waiting until they're ready" is fine (and I agree, necessary), but you can't 100% leave that decision up to a 2 year old. Toddlers are manipulative, and will do what they want if given the opportunity. There needs to be some boundaries.

    I personally didn't want to endure the back and forth dance of watching her interest come and go. At some point it has to be about necessity, and development of personal care skills, not just what they feel like doing at the moment. Indulging their every whim regarding what they do and do not want to do is just a recipe for disaster, IMO.

    We introduced the potty over the course of several months starting at about 18 mos, just talked about it, let her sit on it, let her wear undies, let her see what happened when she peed in them, etc. We weren't pushy, but taught her the basics. She did lose interest for awhile afterwards, so we backed off. However, once we knew she had the ability get it (I made this decision, didn't leave it up to her), we scheduled a long weekend specifically to focus on PTing, and we did the 3DPT program.

    It worked. Plain and simple. We're almost 2 weeks in, and there have been no accidents since a few days into the program. There was (and is) no defiance, no power struggle, no anything. Diapers were gone, and she had to pee and poop in the potty, or there was a mess. Period.

    I guess everyone's different, but I highly recommend the 3DPT method, and will use it for future children.

    Trust me, I am jealous that it worked so well for you and what you talked about minus doing the intense 3 day training stuff is what we did with my older DD.  As you may or may not learn with any additional kids that you may have - all kids are different and all kids respond to things differently.  For my DD, pushing her makes her do the opposite, sitting in wet undies or poop does not bother her.  Those 2 things are key signs that she is not truly not ready to be in undies.  Yes, I totally believe she could be trained but if she doesn't want to, its not going to happen.  Not all kids respond to the 3 day method or to the wear undies - have accidents but that's life method.  My child is one of those.  I have learned there are 2 trains of thought when it comes to potty training - the 3 day method or things similiar the wait and see and let the child take the lead (which I am doing and have done with success with older child).  The 2 will never mix - its sort of the horrible SAHM vs WM debates that go on forever.  I think whatever a parent does to get to the same end as far as potty training is great and do what works for your family and for you child.  For MY family, the 3 day method does not work, its not our style.  And if I'm not mistaken, part of the whole 3 day thing is not telling your child when to go but having them tell you - that is what I do - I just don't push it by making her wear undies and have a trillion accidents.

    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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