what to do about 7yr old daughter with attitude

vland27

My daughter just turned 7 on 1/21 . We clash like night and day. I also have a 2 yr old DD and they are fighting as we speak. I have yet to find a way to get her to understand she is not a baby any more and she could help me out around the house. I only ask her to keep her room cleaned, toys, books, shoes etc out of the living room bring me her laundry. my DH made the mistake of putting a TV in her room. If i send her in there she just watches TV. We are not spanking parents either. My DH works 50 hrs a week on 3rd shift. I work 40 hrs a week myself. Needless to say when i get home its kind of chaos to try to get home work and dinner and baths all finished in a timely mannor. I am constantly repeating my self to her and im almost begging her some days to help me out by doing her stuff. like i said which is not much. just clean up after her self. and do the home work. sorry im rambeling but any advice would be great TIA

bluestreet

I can completely relate. My 7 year-old has been all attitude this year, and she and her 3 year -old sister have been at each other's throats. I highly recommend this book, which is basically a guide to counting to 3 and doing time-out. You might think, "why would I pay for that?", but it's all in the details. GL!

 https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Parenting/dp/1889140430/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1295831895&sr=1-1

FashionabIyLate

So sorry that you're dealing with this!  We've gone down this road with DS1 (now 12) and DS2 (currently 8, and still occasionally battling this with her!).  I second Auntie's advice on the chore chart.  DS2 is very much a visual person...if she can see what she is expected to do, she gets VERY excited about crossing it off of her list and knowing she has accomplished something.  Also, we have broken things down to very basics for her, because we learned very quickly that if we put "Do dishes" on her chore chart, her brain would run through a dozen different scenarios for what we meant by those two little words.  Now we list out, "Unload dishwasher", "Load dishwasher", "Empty strainer", etc.  Similarly, we don't just put "Dust furniture".  We list out, "Polish wood furniture in bedroom and living room," or "Dust electronics in bedroom and living room" because believe it or not, DS2 could never remember that when I wanted her to dust, that meant both furniture AND electronics.  Also, we do offer little incentives.  If she goes above and beyond with her chores, she earns something special, like one-on-one movie time with mom (which is hard to come by in a household with 3 children), or ice cream with daddy.  Having a younger sibling who commands a lot of our attention, we can tell she really appreciates the extra alone time she gets with us and we use that to our full potential.

 Here is a cute site that I found a while back...I change her chores up each month so she doesn't get bored and stuck in a routine, and each month I choose a new design for her:

 https://chorecharts.com/

FashionabIyLate

BTW, I'm brain dead today.  That post should have referred to DD1 and DD2, not DS1 and 2.  I swear, I do know the genders of my children.  Ack.

vland27

thank you all i will be trying the chore chart and looking up that book.

MrsSR

I didn't read any replies, but when I was a kid, if my stuff was laying around, it was tossed.

My mom asked me to pick it up, warned me that it was going to go in the trash, then did it....  It didn't take long for me to realize she was serious. 

Also, if she doesn't get her homework done, then send her to school without it.  Let her teacher take care of it or email the teacher to let her know it is a struggle.

I'm a teacher and have had parents tell me their kid wouldn't do it and I take care of it for them. 

katieisawesome

vland27:

My daughter just turned 7 on 1/21 . We clash like night and day. I also have a 2 yr old DD and they are fighting as we speak. I have yet to find a way to get her to understand she is not a baby any more and she could help me out around the house. I only ask her to keep her room cleaned, toys, books, shoes etc out of the living room bring me her laundry. my DH made the mistake of putting a TV in her room. If i send her in there she just watches TV. We are not spanking parents either. My DH works 50 hrs a week on 3rd shift. I work 40 hrs a week myself. Needless to say when i get home its kind of chaos to try to get home work and dinner and baths all finished in a timely mannor. I am constantly repeating my self to her and im almost begging her some days to help me out by doing her stuff. like i said which is not much. just clean up after her self. and do the home work. sorry im rambeling but any advice would be great TIA

 

This sounds like my life lol.  My daughter is 6 and although we get along wonderfully, she has a major attitude when asked to do anything she doesn't want to.  I can't be much help here as I am struggling with how to deal with it, but the best advice I have received thus far has been to be unwavering - if you tell her to do something, and she refuses, and you threaten a punishment if she doesn't comply, make sure you stick with it and don't give in.

I have a huge problem doing this because I work full time, commute, and on top of it my daughter spends every other week with my ex-husband, so I feel like the last thing I want to do during the little time I get to spend with her is be the bad guy - but over the long term I know it will be better for both of us.