S/O babysitting post - How do you trust references?

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Don't you ever worry that they're making them up?  Could I just put my friends name down and we agree that "I babysat for her"?  I'm always paranoid (especially with CL stuff), so how do you trust that they're giving real references and not just their friends/family helping them out?  I don't even trust professionals giving references b/c of course they're only going to give you the names/numbers of the people that were happy with them, not the 100 that weren't happy.

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i suppose at some point you have to trust your gut... if the references sound like they are making stuff up- then you would assume it's all fake.... but if they sound like a mom, can give specific examples that don't sound rehearsed, etc - then it's probably true.

i would ALWAYS do a background check --- it's so easy and cheap to do them- there's no reason not to.

that being said- thank God i have family that live in town and know people who sit if i ever needed to hire someone (the girls from daycare)... i'd be horrible at trusting anyone from CL.

janjag

Sometimes people actually DO list their moms or friends as references, but I never call them.  Of course your mom is going to say nice things about you.  And I think it would work against the person - what if the mom sounds like an idiot?  You'd be thinking the apple doesn't fall far from the tree  

Anyway, that's not really what you asked.  I am interviewing our first CL babysitter tomorrow.  She came recommended by another MoM though.  I think I'd know immediately if a mom was a phony.  I ask detailed questions and try to get at the mom's personality as well as the babysitter's weaknesses.  A friend would have a hard time with that.  Trust your gut and GL!

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Luckily we also have family near by, it's just always something I've wondered about.  After all of the news stories you hear, I have major trust issues with strangers.

groovygrl

I hear you & it is part of the reason why we went with a facility vs a nanny, I just was struggling with that. If I could get a reference I know IRL then I would be good w/ that thought- the MoM club in my area often has recs and people will pass on their sitter/nanny info when they're not using them anymore. Now our weekend sitters are mainly some of their daycare teachers. Once they're older & can tell me about the sitter & what they did, I'll be more open to trying new people though. But, I grew up having sitters all the time & was never watched by family members so I think that makes it seem more normal for me?? (My dad taught high school & his favorite former students were always our sitters!)

sunnybrook.

We have no family in state. We also moved when the girls were 5 months so we didn't have any friends here. My DH is an independent contactor, so he doesn't even have co-workers.  I really hate the idea of leaving my babies with a non-family member, but I'm reaching the point where I don't have a choice. My DH works a lot and I can go 5-6 days without a break. God forbid I ever get sick. I don't know what we would do.

I hate using CL but feel I don't have a choice. I've been interviewing sitters for 6 months and haven't approved any for one reason or another. The one I met yesterday seems great. She's a sitter (not a nanny) and a coach so she has several references from families, coaches, and her church. Since there are so many, I feel confident they're real. I did my research on her (amazing how much is out there) and will do a background check. All of this plus my instinct is all I can go on. At some point you need to take a leap of faith. My sanity depends on it at this point.