Fight with dh, advice?

amanda&rob

Our big (and 1st) u/s is tomorrow.  He has had the day scheduled off for about 6 weeks.  Well, huge surprise, he is being forced to work and I'm pretty pissed about it.  He "should" be off by our appointment time-but his work is often very unpredictable and just on a day to day basis he is never accurate with when he will be home. And I just didn't want to be super stressed out about whether or not he will make it (which is why he took the day in the first place).

I understand that this is his job, his boss is an absolutedick, I am very supportive of his work and thank him often for putting up with his job.  I understand that he has no control over it.  However, my problem is, is that I'm still PISSED about it.  Like, really pissed.  We were supposed to have this nice fun family day, I was going to get a massage in the morning, we were going to go to lunch, dd gets to go to the ultrasound and she was really excited about what all we were doing that day etc...So it's like my whole day that I imagined won't be there. 

 I'm not necessarily mad at him, but I have no where to direct this anger and I'm having a hard time letting it go. Am I over-reacting and being overly angry about this?  I really need some perspective and advice on how to let this go!    

AnnapolisLari

DH went to a total of 1 ultrasound with both pregnancies- the 'big' one for DS. I went to all others alone, including both amnios. It's not that big a deal.

Disappointing, yes, but can't you still have a nice lunch with your DD and go to the u/s, and hope he can make it?

In this economy, if a boss asks you to do something, you do it and be glad that you have a boss to call a ***.

august06mom

I get being disappointed, but there's really not much he can do about it. Can you change the appointment? You're only 17 weeks, so it's still somewhat early for the big one.

AndiG

I agree with PP - it sucks, but it is what it is and in this economy you do what you have to do. 

Just try to make the day special with your DD and have fun seeing your little bean for the first time!  I'm sure your DH would love to be there if he could so try not to be mad at him. 

Rebekah1021

AnnapolisLari:

DH went to a total of 1 ultrasound with both pregnancies- the 'big' one for DS. I went to all others alone, including both amnios. It's not that big a deal.

Disappointing, yes, but can't you still have a nice lunch with your DD and go to the u/s, and hope he can make it?

In this economy, if a boss asks you to do something, you do it and be glad that you have a boss to call a ***.

This. You are just going to have to let it go. Don't be crabby with DH about it either to make him feel worse. It's not his fault. Get a sitter, get your massage and enjoy the day.

J&A2008

If it's so important to have DH there, reschedule for a time when he can make it.

I don't think this is worthy of your anger and wrath, however.  If DH said, "I'm going to sit and play xBox while you go" then, yeah, you can kick his ass.

Andrewsgal

I understand your frustration. DH made it to a total of 1 us with me and was back at work the day after DS was born while we werre still in the hospital. He also worked 70 hour weeks for the first 8 months of his life. It is what it is, like lari said in this economy we are just happy he is employed.

kjr

I would be upset/frustrated, too.  But I would try to make the best of it since you can't change it.

Maybe you and your daughter could go out after the u/s and get and outfit or something for the baby.  And try to come up with a fun way to share the news with DH when he gets home?  He is probably disappointed that he can't go and would appreciate it!

Littlejen22

I understand why you are upset but you are overreacting and it is not fair to be pissed at him for something he cannot control.  Sorry if he misses it, that sucks.

gibs

WHOA hormonal, anyone?

tslmom87

Nope! We are army, my dh was promised the day off when we went to our first big ultrasound to fins out the gender, well the day comes, he got off work early came home, got me we were heading to lunch and what do ya know,,they call him in for some bs. I was soo upset and angry and i did direct it towards him:( I was able to have my friends mom go with me and it helped

Your not over reacting at all. The big ultrasound can be scary,you know how it goes, they look at the growth of the baby and everything, its important to have some support there with you! I hope all goes well!

amanda&rob

gibs:

WHOA hormonal, anyone?

Yes dammit! lol.  It's just that he gets called in from vacation days a lot.  And, he tried to call in sick a few weeks ago for the first time in 10 years because he had the flu and they made him work while vomiting!   It just gets tiring to see him bust hisass for no rewards. 

But, you guys are right.  We are very thankful that he does have a job and some husbands don't get to be there at dr's visits at all.  Thanks for giving me a swift kick because I needed it and I knew you guys would give it to me.  I am still disappointed, but not angry. And we just hope he makes it!   

Thanks again. 

meglew

amanda&rob:

gibs:

WHOA hormonal, anyone?

Yes dammit! lol.  It's just that he gets called in from vacation days a lot.  And, he tried to call in sick a few weeks ago for the first time in 10 years because he had the flu and they made him work while vomiting!   It just gets tiring to see him bust hisass for no rewards. 

But, you guys are right.  We are very thankful that he does have a job and some husbands don't get to be there at dr's visits at all.  Thanks for giving me a swift kick because I needed it and I knew you guys would give it to me.  I am still disappointed, but not angry. And we just hope he makes it!   

Thanks again. 

Perhaps cheesy, but maybe you can have the ultrasound tech write the gender down and seal it in an envelope?  That way you can open it as a family when he gets home and still have that special moment together.

r9stedt

meglew:

Perhaps cheesy, but maybe you can have the ultrasound tech write the gender down and seal it in an envelope?  That way you can open it as a family when he gets home and still have that special moment together.

I was surprised no one else suggested this.

 

I know how much your husband's job sucks.  LIke the time that he called in and they told him no....   um, so this isn't the only instance of this!

I would be bummed, completely bummed, and probably cry, but he does have a good job! 

EMT

amanda&rob:

It just gets tiring to see him bust hisass for no rewards. 

Totally hear you on this but all the more reason to NOT be pissed at him.

Sorry that he will miss such an important day!