6 month PP hormone crash? Ashamed...long. Please be nice

Cassian

I don't know if I remember if there is or not, but damn, something is up with me. Last week I noticed myself getting extremely irritable. DD constantly pulls my hair and everytime she would do that, I could feel my temp rise. My dogs were pissing me off. If DD was crying, it was making me very anxious. This is all totally unlike me. I am usually the picture of patience with her, no matter what.

Now for the past week, the same feelings have been ebbing and flowing every day. And today was the worst. I started out fine, doing alright for most of the day, then something switched on while DD was napping on my lap. She woke up startled by me accidentally dropping my crochet hook on the tray table next to me, and she started crying. Usually, the caring tender part of me goes into immediate comfort mode. Not this time. I just felt, nothing. I could feel some swirl of emotions coming on though well up in my throat. She kept crying and I was hugging her, but the crying started making me stressed. I wasn't being as soothing as I should have been and she sensed it and cried even more. I could feel it rising again, so I set her down in her crib and walked away to master my emotions and try to break out of this apathy I was all of a sudden feeling. She was screaming for me, but I just sat in the bathroom for a minute. I went back in and she was crying and so upset, and all I could do was just look at her.

Then I immediately started hating myself. How could I just stand there with no comfort to give, no emotion to show her? I picked her up but I felt numb, besides the growing guilt from being anything but loving towards my daughter. She had calmed down, butI started to get extremely anxious so I put her in her walker in the kitchen. I thought I was going to have to call my mom to come over. The next thing I know, I was sitting on the kitchen floor crying my eyes out.

I have NO idea what this is about. It came out of nowhere and it is so unlike me.

I got it together real fast, and then as soon as it came over me, it was gone, and I was back to being the happy loving mommy she knew. WTF happened to me today? I am so ashamed.

firsttogo

First, go easy on yourself, you are a very caring, good mom. It could be some hormone crash, or you could be just in a bad mood, or you could be gearing up for a period. There are a lot of things. PPD is also a possibility to keep an eye out for. You are a good mom, you had a bad day. Hang in there, keep talking to us!

If you notice that this is more and more of a pattern, maybe see about talking to your OB, or MW about it.

Cassian

Can PPD really show up this far out from birth? I haven't had a hint of anything like that this whole time.

When I was in my late teens/early 20's I struggled with bi-polar disorder and was on meds for 8 years. I got off them when I was 25 and have completely asymptomatic for 6 years. I was never concerned that something like that would resurface, as I believe my chemistry has changed in my body and it doesn't effect me anymore. I was so even keel and happy throughout my whole pregnancy, been so happy and stable post partum until now. I have always kept an eye out for PPD, but I don't believe I am going to suffer it, even given my history. I just really hope that this is nothing more than some kind of hormone flux.

I also started an intense workout program 2.5 weeks ago, and was wondering if that can mess with my hormones. Or bring on a period.

yankee42

Very same thing has happened to md on a handful of occasions... Sometimes it had all just been too much I wouldn't be worried at all unless it was a regular thing.. I'm pretty sure we ALL feel this way every once in a while! I'd you ever need to chat! And please know, it's Normal!!

debdebtx

You are a great mom!  Hugs.  It is good for you to reach out, it has been six months of hard work and little time alone. It is a never ending play, feed, nurture cycle .  It takes so much energy to do this.    If it continues seek some help, I pray it will pass for you.  Sending lots of love your way.  If you ever need to talk let me know. 

sweetpea18

Definately watch yourself for ppd/ppa. You can be diagnosed up to a year pp. If you notice that things don't better, please call your dr. And don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing a great job and the fact that you knew that you needed to put her down and get yourself together makes you a great mom!

mechanicsgirl

Please don't feel ashamed. 

Do you have any time for yourself where you can just read, or have a glass of wine, or go shopping, etc? 

Let me tell you, I went through that a few months after DD was born.  DH noticed and tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear it.  I guess I eventually "grew out of it".  I knew that something was going to be wrong with DS, though, because he was unexpected and up until he was born, I wasn't too thrilled about having him.  I knew I was going to need help.

I started feeling the same way you do pretty much immediately.  I talked to my doc about it and was put on medication for PPD/PPA and it helped immensely.  Not necessarily saying that you need it, but it's an option. 

**hugs** I know how awful it feels.  Can you talk to your DH about how you're feeling?  Your OB?

BelleBaby

I have days like this still and my boys are almost 20 months old.  Some days are just so overwhelming with the fussing, fighting, etc.  After comforting one or the other over and over again, I just reach a point where I say "no more right now" and I have to take a few minutes to pull myself together.  I've found myself on several occassions sitting in the middle of the floor in tears.  But then I feel better and we get back to normal. 

It is SO important to take some time for yourself away from your LO.  I didn't learn this soon enough and got VERY burnt out when the boys were little.  I was anxious when I left them with DH for a few hours the first couple of times, but it really does help.  Go shopping, get a massage, get your hair done, just anything that doesn't involve the baby.  Everyone needs a break.  It doesn't make you a bad mom.  It means you're a good mom and you know that you need to recharge every once in a while. 

dundasgirl

It could be so many things!  You are gearing up to go back to work right?  Could that have something to do with it?  A stressor?

I would keep an eye on it, and talk to someone if it seems to be happening again.

You are so in touch with your emotions!  That is very important and will help you to get a handle on this.  Don't feel bad if your bi-polar comes back either...Some things you can't control, even if you want to.  You got through it before.  You will be fine!!

CandT

I think we all have days like this, if it starts happening every day then you should consider seeing a Dr. I agree with PP about making sure you have some time each to yourself. I also found when DD gets into her fussy, nothing makes her happy mood we just need to leave the house. I think she gets bored too and it's a nice change of pace for both of us!

Oh and the hair pulling drives me nuts, I keep meaning to post about it and never do!

Mouseygail

dundasgirl:

It could be so many things!  You are gearing up to go back to work right?  Could that have something to do with it?  A stressor?

I would keep an eye on it, and talk to someone if it seems to be happening again.

You are so in touch with your emotions!  That is very important and will help you to get a handle on this.  Don't feel bad if your bi-polar comes back either...Some things you can't control, even if you want to.  You got through it before.  You will be fine!!

  this!!  (((HUGS)))

BeccaLandes

You have nothing to be ashamed of!  Mothering is such a mix of hormones, and emotions, and is such a different experience from anything else we've done in life, it is normal to have mixed reactions.

I think you're right to just keep an eye on things-- irritability is definitely a symptom of depression. You seem very self-aware, and you know yourself best, so if you feel it is worsening, or getting in the way of your ability to care for your daughter, see a doctor.

 You are a great mom, and you love her... and she knows it! 

howleyshell

First - do NOT be ashamed.  (easier said than done, right?)

Second - the working out may be a factor here.  For me any kind of drop in calories (diet or exercise) meant a drop in supply which meant a drop in prolactin = hormone flux.  

And... you're 6 months and doing solids, right?   That's when AF started making her way back in a slow and torturous progression.

This age + the drop in calories via exercise could well bring on your period and WOW was I shocked at just how different AF was.  Super heavy, crampy and psycho level mood issues. 

Or like so many others have said it could well be burn out.  Doesn't mean you don't love her.  Just means you need to refill your cup a bit in order to have the reserves to fill hers.

Try not to be so hard on yourself, K?

oct11bride03

First, you are a GREAT mom. Nothing you are experiencing right now changes that fact. ((HUGS))

Second, you can be diagnosed with PPD/PPA up to a year after delivering. There are some women on this board who didn't show signs of PPD until 6 months PP. It's a common misconception that it has to start immediately.

Please take care of yourself and if you notice these episodes continuing make an appointment to see your OB or PCP.