Not having another baby - I am really really struggling...... (long)

Temp848906437505510 · January 2011

I know it's only been a month since our embryo didn't survive the thaw and our chance for another baby ended, but, I am really having a very hard time with it, almost to the point where I'm not accepting it and fantasizing about ridiculous ways we could have another baby (i.e., some random person offering me embryos).

Even more upsetting to me than me not having another child is how sad I am for my daughter that she will be an only child. I am so sad about that and feel like I am letting her down.

Without boring everyone with all of it, on my side of the family, Alana will not only never have any first cousins, she won't even have any second cousins. While she does have 4 first cousins on Glenn's side (ages 7 to 17), they are all being raised very differently than she will be raised in terms of faith, values, etc..... I am just so sad for my daughter and it kills me that I have no idea who she will celebrate/observe our holidays with. I hope and pray that she meets a wonderful man and has a wonderful family to break Yom Kippur fast with, to sit at her Passover seder table, to have shabbos dinner in her sukkah, but it just makes me so sad that it will not be any family that she has grown up with, any family that she has forged traditions with.

Anyway, thank you if you read this far. I just find myself struggling more and more with this each day and needed to get it out somewhere....

dundasgirl · January 2011

I am so so sorry that you are having a hard time.

Hugs! I hope you find some peace with this soon.

howleyshell · January 2011

I'm so very sorry.

I'm sure not even getting the chance to TRY when you thought that you would makes it that much harder.

This may not be what you want to hear but I do hope that you can some day find some way to try if it's what's still in your heart.

charmcitygirl · January 2011

Oh honey. My husband is in much the same position that Alana is/will be in. He is an only child. He has 3 cousins who he sees about every 10 years. He has no close relatives.

But honey...he has me (even though I'm not Jewish) and we have a wonderful little family. And I have a big, loud family who he fits in with perfectly.

And over the years, he's had so many friends who became family and welcomed him with open arms to their celebrations.

She will be loved by so many people that she won't know where to turn first!

Courted · January 2011

I totally understand. Nico does not have any cousins either and I want so badly to another so that he can have a sibling, but it may never happen. I have such a small family and always wanted to have larger family later in life and always be surrounded by those you love...On a good note, Alana will appreciate you and DH even more with having such a small family and will probably always want to have you guys involved in her life. ((((HUGS)))))

Temp848906437505510 · January 2011

charmcitygirl:

Oh honey. My husband is in much the same position that Alana is/will be in. He is an only child. He has 3 cousins who he sees about every 10 years. He has no close relatives.

But honey...he has me (even though I'm not Jewish) and we have a wonderful little family. And I have a big, loud family who he fits in with perfectly.

And over the years, he's had so many friends who became family and welcomed him with open arms to their celebrations.

She will be loved by so many people that she won't know where to turn first!

Thank you! This is what I hope and pray for every day - that she finds a wonderful family who can give her everything that I hope she has!

oct92004bride · January 2011

sorry you are going through this ((hugs))

desabean · January 2011

I am so sorry. And I can really relate to what you are going through-- we are doing our last fresh IVF and I got my protocal today and can not even be excited because if it doesn't work, I am going to be feeling very similarly to how you feel. DH and I both have one sibling and we both doubt that either will have any kids. I just don't have a lot of hope at this point.

My friends like to try to reassure me that Garrison will have lots of friends, and of course she will, but it is not the same. I feel terrible-- and as we get older I will feel even worse. I know there are lots of studies coming out that talk about how being an only child isn't as bad as people think and that is somewhat encouraging but I still wish I could give her a sibling.

Anyway, I really do hope you will get that miracle second chance and have a baby-- in the meantime, I hope your days get easier.

Temp848906437505510 · January 2011

howleyshell:

I'm so very sorry.

I'm sure not even getting the chance to TRY when you thought that you would makes it that much harder.

This may not be what you want to hear but I do hope that you can some day find some way to try if it's what's still in your heart.

I agree, I definitely think that having the cycle ripped out from under me has made it so much harder!

jmkatz · January 2011

I'm so sorry.

ela81 · January 2011

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

I can relate to the thinking of ridiculous (or maybe slightly crazy in my case) ways to get a baby.

I wish I had something great to say to make you feel better.

(((HUGS)))

LisaandBryan · January 2011

I'm sorry you are going through this. Have you considered donor embryos? I know its not as expenseive as donor eggs. I know you went to RMA and we have a lot frozen there and I plan on donating any embryos I have left . Its a large program as you knwo so I'm sure there might be other embryos availabe.albeit on a wait list....

Again, I'm sorry.:(

njdcgirl · January 2011

((HUGS))

IF sucks. And, I'm so sad for you that your cycle didn't happen. I hope you find peace (or another way to grow your family) soon.

Waiting4baby08 · January 2011

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine all the things running through your mind. Big hugs to you. =(

kittylove · January 2011

I know you are struggling with this but please understand that even a bunch of sibblings doesn't mean whe will have lots of family she is close to. I have a sister whom lives in the same zipcode as I do and we still don't see each other or speak to each other much more than a dozen times a year. My fathers side is huge and due to a big falling out with him I don't see them either. I am very very close to my mom and my husband's family is very nice. But it is really my friends that I love, who make me smile when I am down and who I look forward to sharing birthday parties, graduations and maybe one day weddings with. (((HUGS))) I know an only wasn't your first choice but A is going to grow up with lots of people who love and care for her, and she will make friends who become like family with the same faiths as you. ((another hug))

AuburnBride06 · January 2011

kittylove:
I know you are struggling with this but please understand that even a bunch of sibblings doesn't mean whe will have lots of family she is close to. I have a sister whom lives in the same zipcode as I do and we still don't see each other or speak to each other much more than a dozen times a year. My fathers side is huge and due to a big falling out with him I don't see them either. I am very very close to my mom and my husband's family is very nice. But it is really my friends that I love, who make me smile when I am down and who I look forward to sharing birthday parties, graduations and maybe one day weddings with. (((HUGS))) I know an only wasn't your first choice but A is going to grow up with lots of people who love and care for her, and she will make friends who become like family with the same faiths as you. ((another hug))

I agree. Having lots of family does not guarantee anything, unfortunately. I have some of the same issues as Kitty.

Your baby girl will have a full, happy & loved life! {{{[HUGS}}}}