Hi, my intro to this board/rant

thetwinkies&Vivi

So short story. I am currently pregnant with a  guy whom I dated for 3 yrs in the past(its been about 1.5 since we dated) we had recently began spending lots of time together and had a surprise pregnancy. He took a job offer and moved several states away before we knew I was am pregnant. At this point he says he wants to be involved but hardly ever visits and isnt showing much interest (hasnt made it to any appointments, flat out said he doesnt want to go to the elective gender scan). Ive decided to quit sugar coating it and referring to him as a bf. He is a baby daddy, Im a single mom and its looking like thats how it will be. So hello.

achase123

You never know how he will be once LO is here.  Do you have any idea about visitation since he doesn't live in your state?

thetwinkies&Vivi

I hope for LO's sake he will man up. But the fact is the child will be with me 99% of the times. He says he wants to visit often. Right now I would like to handle visitation and support out of court. That being said, I will not tolerate a deadbeat and will use court to establish a schedule and payments if need be. Thankfully my family is very supportive and lives within a few miles.

PrincessFiona9

I'm glad you have a strong support system. Hopefully he will be good about visiting and paying child support once your LO gets here! You're still in the early stages so he has a lot of time ahead of him to figure out what he wants to do, and so do you.

BostonGayGal

I had no idea that merely spending time together could result in pregnancy.  Wow.

thetwinkies&Vivi

BostonGayGal:

I had no idea that merely spending time together could result in pregnancy.  Wow.

funny. Obviously, we did things that cause pregnancy, while spending time together.

HarmsMomma

*lurking from July2011*

(((HUGS)))

Just so you know I'm thinking of you! I hope things get better.

*superbigsquishyhugs* again

thetwinkies&Vivi

HarmsMomma:

*lurking from July2011*

(((HUGS)))

Just so you know I'm thinking of you! I hope things get better.

*superbigsquishyhugs* again

Thanks girl, that means alot. Not a happy/enjoyable time right now. But I'm remaining cautiously hopefull.

jlfce1

Only time will tell. I am in a similar situation; however my daughters dad lives here and he was in denial about Rilyn being his. But, starting a couple months ago (when she was 4 months) he started seeing her 2 hours/week.  Not a lot right now, but it's more than 0.  I can tell he's very attached with her but I think he's dealing with the embarrassment of the denial amongst other situations he's dealing with personally. 

We did go to court, mainly because he was denying paternity, but once the storm calmed, we were able to agree on visitation and CS terms ourselves.

I understand wanting to work those things out between the two of you, but when you do, make sure to at least get the details in writing and notorized. That way you have something to start with in the event the situation goes south.

One thing I have realized though is that for women, when we find out we're pregnant, we are immediately mothers! For fathers, it's a bit different. They don't have the baby growing inside of them, so they don't really get attached until the baby is here (and real...see/touch/feel).  This seems to be the case for surprise pregnancies as well as planned pregnancies.  A lot of my friends that are married with children said that their husbands were still hands off for a while, even though they planned the child.

Don't give up on him. I would say, see how it all plays out but just keep your expectations at bay for now as the situation isn't real to him yet.  Now, I'm not trying to excuse him at all. My ex never went to an appointment. I'm just trying to give you another way to look at things to help you enjoy your pregnancy and not be disappointed in the things he doesn't do!

Best of Luck to you and your LO!