I may have found a doula..

lilbit923

I went to doulamatch.com and found a lady in my area that is working on her certification and needs births to attend. I don't mind that she is inexperienced. We've exchanged emails and I plan on meeting with her in the beginning of February. DH just rolls his eyes at the idea of having a doula. But if this VBAC is to be successful, I don't know when I will go into labor and I'd like someone with me at home when this happens. I need a professional to help me get through each contraction till it's time to go to the hospital.

I told her about my scarred cervix and she replied "Not sure if you are aware but you can massage your own cervix." I was a little stumped at this. I'm not sure I can reach it with the belly in the way and aren't you not supposed to do that yourself?

I know inserting the EPO is about all I'm supposed to do and I'm not sure DH would do it for me if I asked him.

The doula didn't say I seemed like a poor candidate for VBAC, she seems knowledgeable and sure of herself. Honestly, that's what I need. I know DH would be there for emotional support but I need someone who is on the business end of it. I think DH would be too emotional to see me go through contractions with us at home. He'll want to bail ASAP and head to the hospital. I just don't want to get there too soon and stall out.

What have you asked your doulas? What has been your experience with the doula while you labor at home?

lorryfach

Your doula sounds very promising! Congrats! I didn't have one, but I think in your situation it's a really great idea. 

I have never heard anyone say you shouldn't massage your own cervix. I know some women give themselves internal exams. I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. 

lilbit923:

I know DH would be there for emotional support 

Considering all the laughing and eye-rolling you've mentioned? really? I mean, I'm not saying he'd laugh or roll his eyes during labor, but if VBAC isn't important to him, I think there's a good chance of him saying or doing something that goes against what you want, at a time when you're feeling vulnerable.

lilbit923

lorryfach:

Your doula sounds very promising! Congrats! I didn't have one, but I think in your situation it's a really great idea. 

I have never heard anyone say you shouldn't massage your own cervix. I know some women give themselves internal exams. I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. 

lilbit923:

I know DH would be there for emotional support 

Considering all the laughing and eye-rolling you've mentioned? really? I mean, I'm not saying he'd laugh or roll his eyes during labor, but if VBAC isn't important to him, I think there's a good chance of him saying or doing something that goes against what you want, at a time when you're feeling vulnerable.

I think his attitude of not getting it is because he's not a mom and he doesn't understand the emotional bond that we mothers feel, especially when it comes to delivery. While I want this to be an emotionally fulfilling experience, DH wants this to be as 'safe' as possible and that means having me on my back the whole time in a hospital.

I also think it's scared him of thinking I can VBAC after he watched the last c-section. He couldn't believe what it took to put me back together. He's scared I will die, the baby will die or we both will in labor. He feels the c-section is a 'sure thing' and my insisting on VBAC is a risky move. I told him I was looking into the doula and he thinks they are flakes. Flakey or not, I want someone who knows what to look for when shiz hits the fan. Plus, I don't know when I will go into labor and I want someone there who is comforting and can help me relax with a variety of techniques.

I know you understand what I'm talking about, it's just hard for guys to 'get it'. So I want to meet with this new doula and discuss the birth plan with her. When it's time to head to the hospital then she will come along and DH will get there when his schedule allows. I can honestly only plan for so much. At this point, I'm trying to plan for the possible scenarios I can think of. DH will just have to adjust.

lilbit923

lorryfach:

Your doula sounds very promising! Congrats! I didn't have one, but I think in your situation it's a really great idea. 

I have never heard anyone say you shouldn't massage your own cervix. I know some women give themselves internal exams. I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. 

I am not even sure I could reach my cervix. LOL. The belly restricts a lot right now.