RE Brought Up Donor Embryos

*Willis*

I had my WTF after my failed IVF #2 today.  Quick background - I did two medicated cycles with TI and 5 IUI which resulted in 2 m/c.  IVF #1 was long lupron and we only got 4 eggs, all of which fertilized, but only two were normal and txed.  BFN.  Went in for my WTF and had a breakdown at the RE's.  Signed up with an adoption facilitator the next day and was matched with an already born baby boy 4 weeks later.  In December, we tried IVF #2 using the microdose flare protocol.  I responded so poorly we had to convert to an IUI.  BFN.

My RE asked my opinion at the onset.  I said I wanted to try antagonist with no BCP for a lead in.  He agreed.  He also discussed using diluted doses of HCG instead of Menopur to help stim.  Also wants to add DHEA for 3 months prior to my cycle, a small dose of Met and prednisone.  We're looking at this as our last fresh cycle and want to cover all bases.

When I asked him his opinion if it was worth it, he started talking about how poor responders who are young are typically ok (I'm 30).  But given my history, he wanted to discuss the possibility of a more extreme option - donor embryos.  He was so nervous it was funny .

DH and I discussed DE a few weeks ago.  It's an attractive, less expensive option.  While I hate that $ plays a factor, we're OOP.  The $ we spend on cycles is less $ we have for adoption.  Obviously we're ok with losing the genetic aspect of a child (although I am curious what s/he would look like), but I would like to experience pregnancy if possible.  We're not willing to go to extreme measures for it, but would like to give it a fair shake.  Even if I achieve pregnancy, we still have the m/c issue to address.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this.  Thoughts?  Experiences?  Bueller?

And if you made it through, you deserve a drink. 

 

cmw&tdm

I don't have much to say other than I'm sorry you're going through this.  Hopefully changing things up a bit will get a better response this next time.  I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Mouseygail

Wow, that's a really really tough call to make! I think, that for us, it would come down to a numbers game... How much $$ were we willing to spend but still be able to keep another adoption in our back pocket. I totally understand wanting to experience pregnancy... I don't envy your choice, but I know that whatever you guys decide, it will be the right choice for your family!! Hugs!!!

Temp159135562506975

no experience but think it's great that you are open to DE's and adoption - and really feel that a baby is in your near future... prayers as you make decisions - prayers for success with either option!

BeccaLandes

I am not sure what I would do in your position, I think a lot of it depends on money.  My friend went through a similar discussion with her RE prior to her most recent (and final) IVF.  She is doing embryo adoption after her IVF failed.  Here's here blog:

www.jesstutt.blogspot.com

You can see some her thinking on there, maybe it will be helpful.  Good luck whatever you choose. 

Chrislovesme

I have a friend that did this and had twin girls (bio sisters). They are absolutely adorable and have been such a blessing to her family. Good luck with whatever you decide.

EMTTessie

I don't have anything to offer as far as experience goes, but I just wanted to to wish you luck. This, obviously, can't be an easy decision to make and it sucks that money has to be a factor.

LCB34

I don't have much advice but I am just so glad your RE is being honest with you.  Knowing what he thinks are viable options is a great start.

Thinking about y'all!

*Willis*

Thanks for your thoughts ladies.  I'll take anymore, especially experiences.

I know whatever choice we make, it will be ok.  I'm oddly not freaked out by any of it.  I think knowing we can adopt again makes it less stressful.  And it's not that we can't afford one or the other, it's just a question of what is the "wisest" or most strategic way to spend the $.  Argh, that sounds so bad typing it out.  Drunk humping would be a less complicated option, no? 

LucyPevensie

Explore every option.  Go as far as you need to go to not look back and say "what if?"  Be smart and don't go broke - but barring that - do what calls to you.  I hope you absolutely get to experience pregnancy - but if for some reason it isn't part of your journey - I hope you that reach a place of peace knowing you gave it your all.  For me, also - experiencing pregnancy felt very important. But there was a financial limit to what we could do and we were OOP - and so I was willing to go as far as we could financially without putting ourselves in a dangerous financial position.  I was very fortunate to get pregnant during my third and final IUI cycle.  And I stayed pregnant with the help of Lovenox and low dose aspirin - prior m/c was part of my experience too.  All the best to you, I hope you come to a decision that feels right to you! 

Mahon Baby

We thought of DE on our last attempt at IVF.  Actually, my RE suggested I either go for donor eggs or use donor embryo but to not waste any more of our $$ on my own eggs.  Yeah, it was pretty lousy to hear but I pushed anyway and fortunately we got pregnant. 

We're trying for #2 now and are trying an IUI b/c it's covered.  If it doesn't work we're not even going to think of IVF or donor eggs, primarily b/c of the $$ issue.  We just can't justify spending the cash we have for ds future on what we know is a huge battle w/ lousy odds.  We will consider donor embyros.  We were going to go w/ that if we didn't have ds so we've already come to terms w/ the whole thing.

Good luck in whatever you choose.  I know either way you'll love and cherish the child that was brought to you. 

jhleap

I am late in responding because I have a newborn in the house that doesn't like it when I am on the bump!

I had 2 failed IVFs, and one cancelled one. We went with DE because we also were oop and I wanted the best chance of a take home baby. While I didn't love being pregnant, I am so glad that we went this route. I had time to bond with him inside me and I got to feel him grow and it was amazing. Every move and kick made me smile. My RE was very hesitant to mention DE, but I jumped right in once we discussed it, and within 4 months I was pregnant.

That being said, there have been some family complications and we have decided not to tell my in-laws (which also means keeping it quiet to all but my family for now) as my mother-in-law made it very clear that she would not care for or love a baby that was "someone elses baby" - yes, that is what she said. My sisters-in-law are also a bit off about the whole process (IVF included) but I hope one day that they will get on board as we plan to share the story of his creation with our son when the time is right. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.