Med ?? feel free to flame away! -long

#1_BadgeBunny

I went back on zoloft 6 wks pp (LOs are 14 mo now) I was on lowest dose 50mg I think.  I had AWFUL PPA....anyhow.  The meds helped a lot at first but lately it isnt helping much and the baby related PPA and PPD are much better... i have just some basic depression/anxitey due to our financial situation.  With that back history i have a few questions....

1.  so like an a$$ I decided 5 or 6 days ago to stop the zoloft cold turkey bc my script was out.. talk about being lazy and not thinking things through.  I thought it was no big deal i was on the lowest dose.  But i have been dizzy and spacey last 2 days.  Like a major disconnect between my vision and my balance.  Im almost certain its from stopping the meds.  Should i ride out this phase and it will get better in a few days once the meds are out of my system?  Or should i go refil the script and cut the pills in half? should i call my doc?

ugh this is were this posts gets confusing.... im confused and im writing it so im really sorry if it doesnt make sense!

Then if i do have to go back on the meds to wean myself slower I was wondering if i should even come off them???....this is why i ask.... Im not on BC bc it gives me MAJOR migraines.  Im looking into going with an IUD but DH and i are up in the air if i want to do that... we know we cant afford more babies right now and he is worried about implanting something in my uterus and having potential problems for when we can have more kids... again we need to do more research.  But If i do an IUD i thought I might stay on the meds.  Then i think well if i do this I might as well up the meds to a proper much higher more helpful dose. My concern with this idea is im concerned with all the work involved in having to wean myself off them and remove the IUD in order to TTC again down the road. 

Im so undecided if i want to be on the meds in the first place... things arent great...Im often angry and sad but im certainly not going to hurt myself or my LOs.   Sure would the meds be great... yeah!  In college i was on a nice cocktail and i was majorly energetic and happy all the time i loved it! I was also seeing a therapist weekly if not more and i cant afford nor do i have the time for that now. 

things just dont seem that bad... I mean not nearly as bad as when i was in college... that was bad!  I feel like its normal life stuff... kids, money etc.  I should be able to handle this... right... I mean what was years of therapy for?  To me the meds seem like a quick fix and easy answer??

So i guess im wondering if i am going about this allll wrong?  I know its hard for you to tell w/o knowing me but i feel like things arent bad enough to warrent meds like when i was in college... but at the same time i crave the "happy"i felt during college.  But then i think about wanting more kids and not wanting to deal with the process of coming off the meds ugh! But then i think of my LOs i have now and think wow what if i was that person i was in college for them??? I mean will i ever be that person again?  was it the meds that made me that way?? i dont know!

I guess Im at a spot where im tired of making choices and i need some advice and input.  sorry this is so long and rammbly i dont even know what im trying to ask!

mrsbnlmel

Honest opinion- I do think you are going about things the wrong way. No flaming just an honest opinion from someone who has been there.

The spacey, dizzy, disconnected feeling is withdrawal from going off of your meds the wrong way. Even when you wean off them very, very slowly you can suffer these things. Cold turkey will most likely make it way worse. My experience, and I tapered with a doctors guidance, is that this is just the beginning. As the days went on it got worse for me. It took a good month before I felt normal again. I really think you need to talk to a doctor. 

I'm also confused as to why you are going off them at all. You sound really unsure about it. What I can tell is that you feel like you shouldn't need them. That doesn't mean you don't. In one statement you talk about upping the dose much higher and then you talk about going off of them. Again, I think you really need to be making these choices with the guidance of you psych. or doctor. Like you said, I don't know you, so maybe a little guidance from someone who does know you will make the decisions a little easier. 

 As for feeling like it is normal life stuff that shouldn't stress you out. So what? I have to remind myself of that all the time. Your body chemistry makes dealing with this normal life stuff harder than it is for someone without PPD. There is no shame in needing help or medication to deal with it. You would do chemo if you had cancer right? You are treating a condition you didn't choose to have- don't be ashamed of it! You are doing what you need to do to be the best mom you can be. There is no shame in any of that. 

Lastly, I know how it is to be tight for money. I had no idea how hard having a baby would be on us financially. I know you feel like you can't afford therapy, but sometimes you can't afford to not do therapy. KWIM? You really might think about it again if you do choose to transition off meds. You are trying to make a lot of hard choices right now. It might help to have someone to talk to.

Good luck with everything! Let me know if you ever want to talk!

jaime5121

You are definitely feeling this way because you are coming off the meds "cold turkey".  The withdrawl symptoms even with a Dr's guidance aren't good.  And I took over 6 weeks coming off a 50mg dosage.  JMO - you need to call your Dr.  There is nothing wrong with being on your meds.  If you feel you still need to be on them what is wrong with that?  You wouldn't hesitate being on meds for high blood pressure?  This is absolutely NO different!  You deserve to feel good and feel happy!  There is nothing wrong with that!!  NOTHING!

 As far as the whole IUD thing goes - I can't speak from personal experience - I can't have one.  I had an ectopic pregnancy.  However, my BFF has had 2.  She has loved them!  Just an office visit to put it in and take it out.  And, I totally understand about the financial situation of having another child.  DH and I would love to have another one, but I just don't think we can afford daycare on a second child.  I think DS is destined to be an only child. 

Please, if you need to talk, feel free to PM me.  I've been there.  I really hope you call your Dr.  Let us know how you are doing!  Good luck.

totallyshocked

NEVER stop meds without consulting your doctor. I learned from personal experience years ago (not PPD related) and felt exactly what your describing. When I finally weened a few years later the process is long (even on a long does). My doctor has me buy a pill cutter because that how much work u need to put into weaning off some meds but the slow approach worked and I was good for years without them. My advice is to DEF call your doc and get a refill. If your not sure they are working as well ask to try another. While zoloft worked for me for years it didnt for my PPD and PPA but Celexa did the trick. Maybe try something new but I promise the second you get any antidepressant back in your system your mind and body with start to feel a bunch better. Just like PP if u need to talk u can PM me as well. Were all here for you! You will win this!! Promise!

#1_BadgeBunny

Thanks ladies... I spoke with DH today a little bit about this.  I think i am going to try the IUD and go back on meds.  it was unrealistic of me to do what i did and the last few days my anger has skyrocketed! DH said he noticed a change but didnt know why (he didnt know i cut my zoloft cold turkey) so by the fact that he can see it proves maybe im not dealing as well as i thought i was. 

Thank you so much for your thoughts and offers! I am going to put a call in the doc in a few min. 

totallyshocked

Just a heads up I was going to get the IUD as well but my doc steered me away since the hormones in it can make depression worse so she rec the ring which releases only estrogen which helps depression so make sure you discuss that too!