Been lurking for a bit (long, sorry, I guess I included a vent)

cyndielise

I've been lurking here for several days, just to see if I could find any solace in the fact that there are other women going through exactly what I am.  It helps, but doesn't heal.  However, seeing the incredible support lent to one another here during such a difficult time in life really made me want to reach out and get some of that support for myself.

My husband and I have been married for two years, and started TTC in November. We got pregnant right away.

I got my BFP on December 2, and things were going great.  Then on the day before Christmas Eve, I started having cramping.  DH and I drove the hour and a half to our hospital, and they kept us there for about six hours sending us here and sending us there.  In the end, they told us all was "inconclusive."  Well, then I woke up the next morning and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what was happening.  I got to spend Christmas Eve AND Christmas miscarrying while DH's family pestered us about when we were going to start having babies...  blerg.

The whole experience was really the worst of my life so far.  And still is.  I keep waiting to look around the corner and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What motivated me to post here now is that my attitude has been disconcerting more recently.  Because my doctors were so horrible to me, I've got this terrible attitude and don't want to do what they tell me to.  I don't know why.

They finally called me this morning to tell me I need to go get blood drawn one more time.  I know I should, but I know that I completely miscarried, and I don't want to.

They also told me that we have to wait for two cycles before we start trying again.  Seriously?  If it was that important wouldn't they have waited less time than 3 WEEKS to tell me so?  So I don't feel like waiting.

I know the doctors are right and are trying to keep me healthy, but I don't care what they have to say anymore.  They lost my respect.  Is this normal?

I also feel like, why should I wait?  It was my first miscarriage.  And I obviously know my body better than some lady who I've never even  met who keeps calling me, right?
If anyone is feeling the way I do, it'd be just great to know, or if anyone ever has.  How am I supposed to handle it?  There's so much more that I'm feeling, and I'm sure that's just translating into this bad attitude.

Hope this wasn't too explosive for my first post, sorry guys.  I've just been floating out there alone without a lot of answers.  :]

Jen&Louie

I'm so sorry for your loss and do hope you find support here as you are healing.

I'm wondering if starting to look for a new doctor/practice would be helpful to you sicne it is something you can physically do.  Not trusting your doctor(s) and having felt mistreated is a a good reason to look elsewhere and it makes great sense that you don't really feel like following their instructions. I'm so sorry that you were badly treated at such a critical time.  As for what you should do, I think I would probably still go in for the final bloodwork just to be sure your levels are down.

As for waiting two months, it seems doctors have different opinions on this.  I ended up needing a D&C and my OB said we needed to abstain for 2 weeks but were free to TTC after that as soon as we were feeling emotionally ready to do so (though I don't know when that will be yet).

HadleyS

I am so sorry for your loss.  I recognize your siggy pics.  It is a horrible thing to go through, but this board really is great.  Everyone is so supportive of each other over pregnancy loss, but also supportive with anything that is on your mind.  I am sorry that you had to make your way over to this board, you are certainly welcome here.  (((hugs)))

If you are not happy with your doctor, now is a good time to at least look around,  I hope that you end up being happy with the physician that will take care of you and your baby.  I hope that your stay here is short and sweet.

HadleyS

Sorry, I have mixed up my boards too many times today!  I thought you posted this on TTCAL.  When I said I hoped your stay was short and sweet, that I suppose is more applicable to the TTCAL board.  I know that I will be lurking and posting on the pregnancy loss board for quite some time.  Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

HadleyS

BTW, I sent you a private message.

madiegirl83

I am so sorry for your loss.  I hope you can find some comfort and support on this board.  I agree with the pp that suggest that you find a new OB if you are not comfortable with the one you have.  And maybe interview a few before you decide which one to stick with.  Ask what there reasoning is to have you wait 2 cycles before you TTC.  It varies so much from doctor to doctor.  I have seen women on here told to wait like 3 and 4 months... and then my doc said just wait one cycle.  I am sure in some cases there is a very good physiological reason to tell someone to wait, but I think that some doctors just have a number in their head that they give out, that just seems to be their "procedure".  You have the right to know what his actual reason is... is it for emotional recovery? Physical recovery?  Anyway, that's my 2 cents, sorry to ramble.  Again I am so so sorry that you are having to go through this!