Why do I keep doing this to myself? Warning: downer post

missyjg

IUI #1 = BFP

My doctor just called, betas "don't look good at all, your numbers suggest another miscarriage, I'm so sorry". I can't tell you how many times I've heard this from doctors. I just KNEW when my actual doctor was the one who called, and not the nurse, that it was bad news.  I started spotting yesterday and I started bleeding more heavily today, but now I have to wait for the fun process of miscarrying. Going in for confirmation ultrasound, bloodwork and the dreaded shot (if needed) tomorrow morning.  I'm praying no D/C this time since I was so early (6 weeks 3 days today).  

Sry to be a debby downer. I just had to vent to someone who has an inkling of what I'm going through. I knew this was likely for us when we started IF treatments again (9 miscarriages b/f B came along), so why do I keep doing this to myself? I guess I'm a masochist or something.  But right now I'm not sure if I can do this again, I'm seriously considering telling DH to go to Dr. Stop. I don't know why I thought this time would have been different.

It's therapeutic to write it down. I haven't even told DH yet. He's in running training fires this morning and isn't answering his phone.... So I vented to ya'll. Thanks.

Wine, bath and snuggle time with B tonight. I think she's going to be sleeping with mommy tonight:) I am SO SO blessed to have her in my life. She's my angel, my love, my life! But for now I have to paste on a smile, put on some serious makeup, unlock my office door, swallow my tears and move on with my day.

No FB posts please!!!

DavezWife

honey, when I say "I get this" I mean I GET this. I'm right there with cha.

For me, the fear of never mothering others far outweighs the fear of loosing again. It waxes and wanes, and right now I cannot IMAGINE going through another 1st tri anxiety thing again.... yet I'd start another IVF tomorrow if given the chance. I just can't sit where I am, and I certainly cannot sit idle.

I also have a (kinda) unique situation in that I'm still "unexplained" and each time we cycle, we thought we had "discovered" the problem, and treated accordingly. It's not like we know the problem and keep making the same mistakes, we keep thinking "this is it!!!!" and it's not. 

babbling, sorry... but you have a friend in the same place, and it hurts we're here.

I'm sorry for yet another loss for you, and wish you the very best.

If you ever want to vent/talk/scream I'm on FB or email me (david_and_tracie   at  ya hooo)

 

browneyedgrl4282

I am really sorry! Hugs to you!

b3bell

I am so sorry. Please know we are here for you.

jds0521

I'm so so sorry to hear this - sending big hugs your way sweetie.

vandelay

I'm so sorry for your loss.

lovemymonkey

I'm so sorry. :-(

((((((((((hugs)))))))))

mmttc

I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

muppet.fan

I'm so very sorry.

missyjg

DavezWife:

honey, when I say "I get this" I mean I GET this. I'm right there with cha.

For me, the fear of never mothering others far outweighs the fear of loosing again. It waxes and wanes, and right now I cannot IMAGINE going through another 1st tri anxiety thing again.... yet I'd start another IVF tomorrow if given the chance. I just can't sit where I am, and I certainly cannot sit idle.

I also have a (kinda) unique situation in that I'm still "unexplained" and each time we cycle, we thought we had "discovered" the problem, and treated accordingly. It's not like we know the problem and keep making the same mistakes, we keep thinking "this is it!!!!" and it's not. 

babbling, sorry... but you have a friend in the same place, and it hurts we're here.

I'm sorry for yet another loss for you, and wish you the very best.

If you ever want to vent/talk/scream I'm on FB or email me (david_and_tracie   at  ya hooo)

 

I'm sorry you are going through the same type of thing. And I appreciate your response! Yes I agree, you get it, I'm so sorry that you do:( At least my issue we know...cancer treatments killed the viability of my eggs. It's at least known...I can't imagine. Anyway now I'm babbling...thanks.