Thoughts on swearing in front of LO's?

marcuej

We were at a football party this weekend and the topic of swearing in front of LO's came up.  I mentioned that DH and I need to clean up our mouths since Stella is starting to repeat what we say.  This started a long conversation where people all made good points.  

One friend who has older kids said they don't filter what they say and have taught their kids that certain words are only for adults.  He claims his kids have never said a bad word.  I actually grew up this way too.  My parents all swore and I just knew that I wasn't allowed to say "bad" words. 

I'm torn on the situation.  I absolutely think we should clean up our mouths (just in general), but that if we should slip up, the kids should know those are words for adults only.

Just thought this would be an interesting topic to discuss this morning.  How do you feel about swearing in front of kids?

SeaSoul

Both DH & I have potty mouths but have cleaned up our vocab since Cal got old enough to pay attention to what we're saying.  If he wants to use that language later in life, that's fine by me, but I don't really want to use it in front of him and tell him he can't, you know?  I just don't think there's a compelling reason to talk like that in front of him.  I DO think it's rude and crude, and I don't mind being rude & crude in front of certain people, but I count my child as one person for whom I will be on my best behavior.  Kind of like my grandmother. 

LVBlvd

DH and I just had this conversation.  I agree with your friends.

We don't swear often, at all.  I never say the F word...but I say sh*t about 30 times a day when I drop things/spill things, etc.  And while I believe that everyone should try and limit swearing, kids need to learn that some things are for adults only.

For example:  we fully expect our kids to abstain from alcohol and it will be a strictly enforced rule at our house.  But dad and I are allowed to drink.  Our kids are not allowed to drive the cars until they have their license.   But dad and I are allowed to drive.  The kids will have an enforced bedtime, but dad and I can stay up how late we want.  The kids will have a cerfew/limitations on where they can go, but dad and I can go wherever we want.

Kids have rules and we set them.  They will just have to learn that.

 But I am trying to 86 sh*t from my vocabulary.  It isn't going that well.  Sh*t. 

RoxBride

The whole 'teaching them the words are just for adults' kind of sounds like a cop out excuse so the parents don't have to stop swearing.

We don't swear in general, including in front of LO.  We won't let her swear in front of us.  We'll teach her that it just doesn't make a person sound very intellegent or classy.  And if we slip up in front of her, we'd say we were sorry and shouldn't have said that, and apologize.  Which is what we'd want her to do. 

There are many things which LO knows are for aduls only.  Alcohol, steak knives, cars, box cutters.  I don't see swearing as a necessary part of life for anyone, so I don't teach her the adults only lesson.

DH was pretty bad at swearing while driving, and we started a swear job when I was pregnant that required a buck be put in every time he would swear.  It did the trick, and paid for plane tickets.

I don't really have a problem with people who swear, that's their choice, but it just isn't something we choose to allow.  And since it doesn't go over well in most schools or workplaces, I think it is a good habit to avoid.

schmoodle

I figure there are way more important things to worry about that have a more detrimental effect on his well being than a few bad words. DH and I have TERRIBLE mouths, I admit. We're both obviously capable of reeling it in in professional settings but at home it's harder to remember. I try not to intentionally swear in front of Toodle but my general vocabulary includes a lot of expletives (and don't even start on DH when he drops something/makes a mess!). If Toodle repeats anything we'll maybe give some thought to trying harder to scale it back and teach him certain words are for grownups, but right now it's not a concern of mine. My parents both cursed like sailors our entire lives and while I likely had a bad potty mouth in junior high, I still grew up knowing when/where that language was appropriate or not (and now I often have to tell my mom to watch her language, haha).

laura&dan05

I don't swear much and being a teacher I could turn that filter off and on without much thought at all so I tend to do the same thing in front of dd. DH swears more especially when he's working from home and I've asked him to tone it down. Save it for something swear worthy, ya know? Lol! My BIL and SIL swear in front of their kids and my nephew who is now 14 doesn't (well at least in front on me) and he grew up with that whole philosopy you mentioned about "adult words" and it seems to have worked for them. I'm on the fence about it because I do agree there are words that kids should understand are adult words just like there are beverages in our house that are only for moms and dads. At the same time I don't want my kids to think swearing once you reach a certain age is what you do just because you can. I think in a lot of situations it makes a person lose credibility when they are trying to make conversation and dropping the f bomb every other word.

OrangeSmoke

I work in a male dominated industry (investment banking) and we swear ALL DAY long at work.  As sad as it is, it's almost the culture here at work.

My dh on the other hand, never swears and I can see him flitch when "bad words" slip into my vocabulary at home.  So I've learned to turn it off when I leave work.  He still catches me though....

choco_lab

We don't swear in general and I would never swear in front of DS.  He repeats everything we say and we don't want words like that coming out of his mouth.  This is probably flameworthy but I don't see any reason for an adult to swear.  I think there are plenty of words in the English language to chose from.  IMO, using those "7 words" can make others view you in a negative light.

charmcitygirl

I swear much more than DH and I know that I need to reel that in.  I find that I know when to turn it off in a professional setting or with those who I know don't swear.  But at home...don't have much filter.

I think that there are definitely some things that adults can do that children cannot do and my parents swore in front of us...but perhaps that's why I swear now.  If Jacob wants to do that when he's an adult, that's fine.  But I worry that if it becomes too acceptable in front of him that as a child he won't know what words are good and what words are bad and use them in front of the wrong people.

fallbride110406

schmoodle:

I figure there are way more important things to worry about that have a more detrimental effect on his well being than a few bad words. DH and I have TERRIBLE mouths, I admit. We're both obviously capable of reeling it in in professional settings but at home it's harder to remember. I try not to intentionally swear in front of Toodle but my general vocabulary includes a lot of expletives (and don't even start on DH when he drops something/makes a mess!). If Toodle repeats anything we'll maybe give some thought to trying harder to scale it back and teach him certain words are for grownups, but right now it's not a concern of mine. My parents both cursed like sailors our entire lives and while I likely had a bad potty mouth in junior high, I still grew up knowing when/where that language was appropriate or not (and now I often have to tell my mom to watch her language, haha).

This pretty much exactly.  My mom swore when I was growing up, I knew there were swear words that I shouldn't use at all when I was younger and that I should only use among friends my own age when I was older. When I was around 19 or 20 my mom told me she didn't care if I swore in front of her.

That said, I do try to watch myself and not curse around them now.  I never say the f-word in front of them and only very rarely slip and say sh!t.  My husband tries but he swears way more than me.  

howleyshell

Kids model what they see.

I think it's unrealistic to think that they'll see their 2 main role models swear and not cuss like sailors themselves.

Maybe they'll watch their mouths when they're around you because they know there are consequences but they'll be letting loose when you're not around.

We've cleaned up our mouths.

When we slip we get the same "punishment" that the kids do - we have to go to our rooms for a bit.

They LOVE catching us slipping up.  Nothing empowers a 3 yr old like telling Mommy that she said a bad word and needs to go to her room!

 

It's kinda like the spanking issue.  It's tough to hit your kids and then turn around and tell them that it's not right to hit.