Feel like DS doesn't love me :(

nicolita14w

I know this is such a whiny post but I feel so down. Ever since DS#2 was born, DS #1 is so attached to his daddy and it seems like he doesn't even like me a lot of the time. He always gives DH hugs, kisses, snuggles, etc. If DH leaves the room, DS sometimes gets upset, or goes after him, or starts asking for him. When DH and I went to pick him up at daycare today, the teacher commented how he'd been asking for "Dada" all day.

If DH is not around, DS is a little more affectionate with me, but if we are both around, forget it. I will show him a book and say "Want to read X with Mommy?" and he'll say "Yeah!", grab it, and run over to DH to sit on his lap instead. Won't give me a hug or kiss even if I ask. 

It totally makes sense because DH is the one who gets up with him at night or in the morning most the time, because I have DS#2 in bed with me (it's the only way he'll sleep and he nurses all night). So DS#1 gets a lot of time alone with DH and I think he may get jealous of the time I spend with DS#2.

However, that doesn't make it any less hard. Every time I mention this to someone they say "Oh, you'll be his favorite again next week." But I'm not-- it's been almost 6 months and I feel like  he's less and less attached to me all the time.

I'm happy he loves DH so much but I want him to love us equally. Okay, really I want him to love me just a little bit more because I am his mommy.   But I'd settle for equally at this point!

GuitaristsGirl

Aw, I'm sorry honey.  This must be so hard.  No advice, as I haven't been there - but what you describe is one of my big fears about DD's upcoming arrival.  I'm sure it is natural, a phase, etc, etc - but still totally sucks.  Hang in there mama. ((Hugs))

emmyloustu

GuitaristsGirl:

Aw, I'm sorry honey.  This must be so hard.  No advice, as I haven't been there - but what you describe is one of my big fears about DD's upcoming arrival.  I'm sure it is natural, a phase, etc, etc - but still totally sucks.  Hang in there mama. ((Hugs))

Ditto all of this, plus more hugs!

kittylove

((BIG HUGS)) It might be normal for this to be happening but that doesn't make it anyless hard. Can I offer advice? I don't know if DH can take #2 yet but it might be really great for you and DS to re-connect once a week by doing pizza for dinner together without dadda and #2, or something else he finds equally fun. Kind of like a date night with your child. I am sure it will be hard for you and DH since I know you are nursing but it does sound to me like #1 needs something like this. And I know it has worked for friends of mine, although it does take a while to work. Maybe it would work for you guys too?

laura1

It is so hard.  I agree with kittylove, though - can you try to do something with #1 while #2 is with DH?  My DS and I will just go to the store alone, and in the summer we would do the playground together (he would go with DH alone more often, ).  I also take him to his Little Gym class, and while DD is there, she is watching from her stroller, so DS feels like it is his special thing.  

Good luck - I know it is so hard.  Right now DS is in a mommy phase and he follows me around all day...I know my DH feels a little sad about it.   

jenber77

I'm going through very much the same thing, but there is no DC#2 in the picture. When DH is home, DS wants nothing to do with me. If I walk into the room where they're playing together, DS will start crying, run over to physically push me out, or just throw me an evil look and say "PUSH" -- as in "Go away!" When DH is at work, DS asks for him all day.

It hurts my feelings a lot sometimes. It's been going on for about a month now, and I still haven't gotten used to it.

And (except this week when he was a little bit sick) he doesn't seem to care when I drop him off/pick him up from daycare. He ignores me when I leave and doesn't react when I come back and want nothing more than to give him a big hug. 

I keep telling myself that of course he still loves me, and he will someday get over this phase. That's all I got.

dusk42

DD only says Daddy and dog, and she always gets so excited when he comes home - I definitely feel like second fiddle.  

Cassian

I am not going through this, but I can imagine how hurtful it is. The best thing to do is just keep telling yourself it isn't personal, it is probably a normal occurrence when another sibling comes into the house. Maybe he sees that his mommy's attention was taken away and given to another baby, and that you are more focused on #2 than him for the time being. Maybe he sees that Daddy isn't as focused like that and feels safer in that fact? I know it doesn't make it any easier, but sometimes rationalizing things helps me.

And I agree with Kitty, if you can get even an hour or two away for some one on one time with #1, that might be very helpful, and special.

bulldog_mama23

I completely understand because I have days like that too.  Although hubby and I have made it a point in the last couple of weeks to take turns caring for the kiddos in the evening.  So one night, he will do DD's bath and bedtime routine while I do DS and then we will switch the next night.  It isn't perfect and most of the time DS would rather be held and cuddled by mommy but I am trying to allow hubby to bond with him too and allow me some time to spend alone with my girl