If you attemped and did not VBAC...

Nov5Mrs.

How are you dealing with it emotionally? I had a repeat cs 7months ago and I think I've had some PPD as a result. I felt pretty confident that I could VBAC since my first was breech and I ended up going in too soon with my second and they convinced me to have a repeat cs because his heart-rate dropped. Anyway, I know people say, "but you have a healthy baby and that's all that counts...". But I'm still really struggling with feeling like I failed and somehow like I was robbed of doing what my body was meant to do. I can't explain it, but I feel like I've lost part of my "womanhood" or something? How can I move on from this?

cg0112358

ugh...I'm interested to hear the responses but also quite nervous. I also had a c/s due to breech positioning at term and, like you, thought that mean I have a good chance to VBAC with me next. I had a very difficult time resolving the feelings I had towards my first c/s and am very nervous about how difficult it would be for me to fail to VBAC.

LittleEgypt

I don't know, but I do know that if I end up with a repeat c-section again, I will be getting some kind of support - ICAN meetings or professional counseling. I probably would have benefited from it last time, and I know DH would push me to do it now that he knows.

Strawberrywine

1st C-section - FTP/ Failed Induction w/low bishops score - very Business of Being Born

2nd C-section - Post Date, No Signs of Progress (Ocm, High and barely effacing) - completed NST and US - irregular NST (not enough movement) and borderline high amniotic fluid - risk of cord prolapse - chose rcs

 RCS - turned into GA when resident anesthesiologist couldn't place Spinal and time for OR was running out - GA - resulted in pinning down, anesthesiologist shouting at me telling me everything was best for baby, catheter wide awake, and c/s started before knocked out - this led to PTSD - I still have nightmares about the experience and replay OR without even realizing I am.

 To recover from failed VBAC and PTSD, I've had to go to a counselor.  Still not perfect, am disappointed that I may not experience child birth, but have gone through various stages of mourning.  I'm extremely jealous of women that love their c/s experiences.

 In some ways I'm grateful for a horrifying 2nd c/s b/c I've been able to direct my anger at the experience rather than not being successful at VBAC.

 Other things that have helped have been reading Kelle Hampton's Blog - She wrote about how you can't experience everything in life and that certain roads and paths are meant for you so you can share stories with others. Her phrase how are you going to make the most of your wild and crazy life, reminds me that it is just a moment in time, and that there are plenty of other moments I want to be present and enjoy.

 Another birthblogger shared a story about needing to move on from failed VBAC b/c dwelling in it was ruining all the special moments she was having with her sons.

Is it hard to move on? Is it hard to know I probably won't experience natural childbirth? Absolutely.  Do I cry sometimes? Sure.  But honestly I've drawn the line on the pity party b/c I'm blessed with two wonderful boys and a great husband and I need to focus on the now and the future. 

That being said - This pregnancy I've spent lots of time figuring out how to make a c/s special to me. What would have to happen for me to look back at my experience in a happy way, rather than looking at as another failure. KWIM? If I successful VBA2C, I expect to be over the moon, but If I RCS3, I'm going to find a way to enjoy the same moments and to give myself time to emotionally heal and move on.

 That got long. Good Luck!

 

Gina1221

I think that I will be somewhat disappointed if I don't get to experience a vaginal birth this time around, but because of the circumstances of my 1st cs, I will just be grateful for an overall better birth experience.  My 1st cs was emergency, under general anesthesia, so DH and I completely missed the birth of our son, and I missed his first 3 hours of life.  That was the part that was hardest for me.  So if I do wind up with a rcs, as long as I am not under general, and can actually see my child at birth, then I can live with that : )