physically lazy children
Nancy6306
member
I am at my wits end with DD#1. She turned 9 in August and lacks motivation to do just about anything. I have to constantly remind her to do simple, every day things. DH says that she is so clueless, at times, that the house can be burning down and she wouldn't notice until it got hot.
First of all, she is constantly forgetting things. She could have a test on Monday and forgets to bring home her text book. She lost her lunch box the first few weeks of school. It has not been found. If there is something the teacher has everyone in the class to bring home and sign, somehow she leaves it in her desk and forgets to bring it home. She did her homework the other night, but forgot to take it to school. We had to call one of her classmates a few weeks ago to get a password for an assignment the teacher wanted them to do. DD had lost the instructions for logging on.
Just now, I asked if she had brushed her teeth. She shook her head no. I have to remind her every morning to put deodorant on. She gets very angry anytime I remind her what to do. If I don't, she would look like she just rolled out of a laundry basket. She will take off her clothes and leave them in the middle of her room. She will also leave her things in the dining room area. The other day I counted 3 pairs of shoes, her soccer ball, water bottle, 3 different jackets and random stuff hanging off of the dining room chairs.
Sometimes I'm so frazzled and even lack patience after I feel like a broken record with the constant reminders. DH works nights 11p-7a and I have an almost 4 year old and a baby that is 12 weeks old.
I don't want her to grow up to be a lazy and disorganized child. She is on the traveling soccer team for our town and sometimes we see her physical laziness on the field, as well. She doesn't "hussle" with the same intensity as the other girls on her team. We even have to remind her to drink water. If we didn't, she would have less than a cup of fluid per day. I love my daughter more than anything. We have provided a very loving and nurturing home. I don't know what we are missing.
Re: physically lazy children
OMG -- I could have written this post about my own 10 y/o DD. My kid is SO bright, but incredibly disorganized. Her mind is not on responsibilities; she's thinking about science experiments or a story she's writing. Meanwhile, she's dropped one shoe in the middle of the kitchen, left her backpack upside down dangling in the cat's water bowl, and her gloves and hat under a stack of papers that, btw, she carried home in her hand because she didn't "have time" to put them in her binder! I can walk through the house and tell every activity she's been involved in based on the trail of stuff she leaves behind.
I think some of this is typical kid stuff. But not every kid is as extreme as my DD or as you're describing. My DS for example is not like her. Do I have to remind him about stuff? Of course. But he's mostly on top of things. My oldest would forget her head if it weren't attached. But, hey, she can recite pi to 50 decimal places and reads Shakespeare plays for fun.
The first thing you need to know is that kids like this aren't being lazy. (In addition to having a DD like this, I teach/tutor kids with mild to moderate learning disabilities, especially kids with organization issues.) Their brains work differently than "typical" kids do. It's incredibly frustrating and time-consuming to be so disorganized, and most kids wish they could change. But you can't change this just by "trying harder" to be a good kid. So here's what I would recommend if your DD were one of my students:
--read the book The Myth Of Laziness by Mel Levine. A good website is Thinking Organized by speech pathologist Rhona Gordon. She has a good book, but I don't remember the title.
--know that organization issues are almost always passed from parent to child. (I'm the genetic source of my DD's issues. I was JUST like her as a kid, only less brainy.) If you're not the parent who is disorganized, it can be really hard to relate your scatterbrained kid without being judgmental.
--provide as much structure and routine for your DD as you can. Start with materials and possessions. Find one specific place for all her possessions that tend to get left around. Give her coat a specific hook, and make it accessible to her. Make sure her clothes hamper is clear and easy to use. Help her find a simple system to use for school papers. (Many kids like this have trouble with a 3 ring binder, but do well with an accordion folder.)
--move on to time structure and routine. Kids like this have a very poor perception of time. They tend to wildly over- or under-estimate the time needed for certain tasks. Develop a specific schedule for her time. Kids like this have trouble with the morning routine (forgetting personal hygiene stuff, rushing around at the last minute, missing the bus, leaving lunch at home, etc.) Have her wake to an alarm clock and get everything done BEFORE breakfast. Don't serve food until she reports that she's done all the "bathroom stuff" and she has her shoes on, and her coat and backpack ready by the door. Similarly, work out a schedule for after school. Resting, snacking, homework, and chores should be done at the same time every day that you're home. Prepare an alternate schedule for days when she has activities. You will still have to prompt her to stay on schedule at first, but I think you'll be amazed at how much of a difference this stuff will make.
Hang in there! Unfortunately, being disorganized is not something that can be "cured." But, the good news is that, with practice, this can be managed.
I agree with Auntie, I am a a fourth grade teacher, and ADHD has a HUGE spectrum. Just because her case isn't the same as what that teacher has seen does NOT mean she is not somewhere in that spectrum. Please take your child to the town's children's hospital and have a full evaluation done. If you have insurance it is more than likely covered. My son was experiencing many of the same issues as your daughter and it turned out he had a processing delay. His brain only processed a portion of what he hears or reads. This meant when I told him to "brush his teeth, wash his face and get dressed" his brain may have only processed "Brush your dressed". Which confuses him and he just does what he 'thinks' i want him to do.
My DD tends to be disorganized too (in fact I posted about it here not too long ago and got some good suggestions).
Additional structure has worked wonders.
We've learned to accept that some things are just going to get lost pretty (especially googles, water bottles, and lunch boxes) so we buy one a year and after that she pays for replacements. This has really helped.
For my DD, I'm quite sure it isn't laziness or adhd. But if you suspect laziness, maybe she needs more sleep and more structure (also make sure she's eating well and drinking enough). And it really might be worth it to talk to your pedi about adhd. The school and teachers are not your best resource if you suspect adhd.