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Success after IF
If you are on FB...
Are you funny about who (like family members ect) can put pics of your kiddos up on their profiles?
DH's sister, one of three, wierds me out. She has been talked to a while ago about this, but we don't like her having pics of our kids on her profile. I am not sure why, and it is not a two way street because my sibs have pics of them up, and we are not uber cyber secure, but for some reason she gives us a bad feeling.
Two years ago, she posted that Nolan was her son with her BF. She was 15 at the time... Just weird immature stuff. Now, her profile pic is Nolan's face. It is just unnerving.
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Re: If you are on FB...
That right there says it all from! I would understand why you feel that way after that. My sister used a picture of her and the kids together as her profile pic. I didn't care. People asked if they or if any of the kids were here, she said No way they are my sister and she added having a sister with 3 kids all ages 2 and under is the best birth control she could have!
Wow that is very weird and strange that she would post a picture of Nolan and say he was her son. Plus being 15, makes it even more bizarre.
None of my family puts up pictures of Nicholas on their profiles. My sister has her own kids, so of course she posts pictures of them. My other sister barelyhas time to go on FB. let alone post N's picture.
The only thing is if my one sister (with the kids) takes a picture of N, with her camera phone and posts it on FB. But I am fine with it- she does it so infrequently.
Yep.
A certain extended family member who has met the girls only twice puts my girls as her profile and has an album full of over 200 pictures of my girls (that she swipes from my page).
I just don't like it.
After 2 rounds of IVF & 2 rounds of FET, we were blessed with identical twin girls!
I think you probably always had these feelings towards them - now you just have a very clear and ultra straight path of offences to follow. That is not only TOTALLY creepy, immature and bizarre but its also edging on mentally disturbed. I get that kids who have really loose or non-existant boundries "family-ize" their friend groups (calling good friends "sister" or whatever) but claiming kids as their own....that's a whole other level of boundry issue.
I'd have ZERO problem saying, "Listen, _(name)_, I totally get that you love Nolan and all of our kids and I get that you're posting that he's yours as a joke but I really don't feel comfortable about it. Call me weird, think I'm strange, whatever but please stop using their pics as your profiles and please stop with the 'claiming' them - it just weirds me out"
We had it under control for a while, but this time the pic came from her cell phone on Christmas. I just ugh.
There is so much history here! This is the same side of the family where the Grandma showed up at the NICU when I was not there (because I was spending some time with my other children, and leaving a baby at the hospital is hard) and told the desk that she had permission to be there to hold the baby.
They did not buy it, and when asked for here ID, she literally turned around, and and TROTTED out of the hospital! I saw her on the security camera after!! So, the whole NICU was then on security lockdown, and ALL parents had to show their wrist bands AND ID when they came because of his nutty grandma and her lack or boundaries... I want to cut them off... all of them.
From everything you say about them - there's a pretty substantial basis for some seriously impacting personality disorders (narcessistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder to name 2 - you could google for the DSM IV descriptions of these for yourself).
Kids who grow up in these situations have VERY fluid boundries. Where most of us would NEVER venture to "go" - these people have no problem "going" (hence the NICU visit).
My mother is this way. It has taken me YEARS of intensive re-parenting and growth to stop this messed up dysfunctional cycle. My mother has what I consider "floating boundries" - sometimes she has boundries, sometimes not but NEVER are they healthy. They're always self involved, self absorbed and self righteous.
As an example, currently she's p!ssed off at me because I won't allow her to take my going-to-be 3 year old and a 4 mo old (in utero right now) baby CAMPING with the rest of my dysfunctional family for 4 days over FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND. Note: I've not talked to my extended family (due to their craziness) for over a year and my mother is saying nuts stuff like, "Rhayna is going to figure you out. She's going to see right through you - that you are denying her her FAMILY!" etc, etc, etc. Nevermind the fact that I breastfeed my babies (the 4 mo old) and she'd have no food for that time or the fact that its FATHER'S DAY WEEKEND! and we'll be visiting from out of state to work on our house.
The only thing you can do to attempt to have a relationship with these people is to set ULTRA RIGID boundries that you do not bend (your husband has to be 150% on board too and not waiver or you'll end up the villian and he the victim in their eyes).
I do not envy your situation - I don not envy mine! If you ever want to chat - I'm here!
this.
i'd be very annoyed at her claiming my kids were her - not b/c it would hurt me or my kids in any way but b/c it's just STUPID and not true at all - and i would encourge her not to post things that are untrue that way- they can come back and bite her someday, somehow.
but as her profile pic? eh- not a biggie... honestly- other than being annoyed and creeped out- how does it hurt you or your kids? It just makes her look stupid... so i wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
you could tag yourself in any of the photos of your kids- so you will know if any comments are made, etc.