Was I being un-Christian?

lglf4

I?m trying to be very careful in how I write this?I do NOT want to offend anyone.  I?ll skip the history between my friend and me, except to say that she is a Christian woman who is strong in her beliefs.  She?s a?a SAHM with 2 children, one on the way, and plans to have more plus adopt more.  Well, she lives overseas, so we often e-mail, but then call once in a while too.  So, I sent her a short e-mail to let her know that we were expecting a m/c due to a blighted ovum; we found out at my 8 week appointment.  She called the next day, very worried about me.  I?ve been busy with work, and felt that I was fairly okay with this, remaining very focused on trying again.  So, I sent her an e-mail in response to her call.  Here?s an excerpt:  ?Thank you so much for calling--I knew that you would understand that this can be pretty hard, even though it was early on.  ______  and I took it pretty hard the first night, but I think we've been doing fairly well, considering everything.  Somehow, I think it was easier for me knowing that there wasn't anything in there--there wasn't really a baby to mourn.  If my baby had started to grow, and then we lost him, I think we would have taken it so much harder.  As it is, we just want to try to move forward.  Somehow, our way of coping is just focusing on trying again--perhaps that little spirit will be able to stay with us this time. ?  Well, since I sent her the e-mail a week ago, I?ve heard nothing.  Was I being insensitive in how I wrote this?  I love my friend, and did NOT meant to offend her.  I realize that many people of faith believe that life begins at conception, but according to my doctor, there literally was nothing in the egg sac; my doctor said that something must have gone wrong at the chromosomal level, and the embryo never started to grow.  I?m not sure if I should write to apologize, or just leave it alone and let her write when she?s ready. 

Fallon621

I say wait it out and let her write you when she is ready.  I personally do not see how any thing you said could be taken the wrong way or be offensive AT ALL.  You wrote how YOU feel.  Maybe she is just busy or does not understand.  I am so sorry for your loss though.  ((HUGS))  If she is a good friend she will come around.

LDW80

Fallon621:

I say wait it out and let her write you when she is ready.  I personally do not see how any thing you said could be taken the wrong way or be offensive AT ALL.  You wrote how YOU feel.  Maybe she is just busy or does not understand.  I am so sorry for your loss though.  ((HUGS))  If she is a good friend she will come around.

This exactly!  So sorry for your loss!

lauren.cus

Fallon621:

I say wait it out and let her write you when she is ready.  I personally do not see how any thing you said could be taken the wrong way or be offensive AT ALL.  You wrote how YOU feel.  Maybe she is just busy or does not understand.  I am so sorry for your loss though.  ((HUGS))  If she is a good friend she will come around.

 

Agreed- I see nothing offensive. Maybe she is just giving you some space.

jrevord

First off, sorry for your loss. She's probably just busy or something, or maybe isn't sure of what to say? Because I am a Christian and I had a blighted ovum (as you) D&C at 10w2d and I feel EXACTLY the same way you do. It hurt at first, but because of the circumstances, it isn't AS BAD as it could have been (i know people who have delivered still born, and some whose babies only lasted a few hours after birth). Unlike those women, we did not have to actually give birth, or even see a baby on ultrasound or hear a heartbeat. There was nothing there except a sac, not even a yolk. I think it still hurts at first, equally, especially if you were excited about the pregnancy, but being that there wasn't a fetus, it makes it comparably easier to move forward and be able to be emotionally stable enough to try again as soon as possible. Hope this helps.

seanandcallie

As a Christian who also believes in life at conception, I think you worded yourself fine and would not find offense in what you wrote. Not to mention, finding offense with something like that would be un-Christian in it self. 

fireflies0306

I think what you wrote was completely appropriate, and worded very well for what you have been through.  its so nice of you to care and make sure you don't offend.  I am also christian, and went through a situation with my DH's cousins, who are also proclaimed christians.  they didn't speak to us, email, or contact us until 7-8 weeks after we told them about our son.  and when they contacted us, it was to demand a stroller back....so my advice is just let them get back to you when they are comfortable..which i hope is soon for you so she can be a part of your support system right now!

GL 

lglf4

Thank you ladies for the responses.  I'm sure you're right--she's probably very busy--she does have 2 small children after all.  I'll stay positive!!  I love how supportive everyone is here, and I'm wishing all of us happy miracles

npilcher506

Nothing offensive in there at all. I had no definite proof that my loss was a blighted ovum, but my OB said that was more than likely the case. I agree agree with your reasoning on on that. I am so sorry for your loss. I also agree with PP that your friend may be busy and probably just feels confident that you are doing well. Good luck to you!