my mind wont rest

taurus424

did anyone feel like after their loss that your mind wont rest? I feel like if i am not trying to find the reason why my baby girl had such defects then i am not being productive. i feel like if i am not searching for genetic reasons then i am wasting time.

not sure if that makes sense

 

LifeInANutshell

I remember feeling exhausted --- and when slept I would sleep like a rock wedged under a stump with an elephant sitting on it, it was hard and deep sleep.  But when I wasn't sleeping my mind was racing all over the place, so much that my DH would find me on the floor in different parts of our apartment after I spaced out and couldn't move anymore.

We found out at 19w5d that Jane was alive but terminal and were left with a choice to terminate while she was still alive or wait for her to expire and then induce labor.  We chose to wait.

I think the choice led the to numbness that carried me through the next couple of weeks.  I had to live as a pregnant woman just starting to show with a baby that would never survive outside of my womb.  Its a pain I'll never wish on anyone.

We knew via an amnio & many ultrasounds why she was dying and its cause all while she was still alive.  So by the time she expired I was ready for the news; sick but true.  My mourning was only able to continue after her birth on October 5th.

Sorry for rambling... 

Basically I just wanted to share that all emotions are normal - if you aren't able to rest at all I'd suggest calling your doctor and asking for help through medication.  More than once I was offered prescriptions for sleep.

fireflies0306

I also have times where my mind won't stop...and there were many nights i couldn't sleep--especially the day after we found out.  but i asked for sleeping pills b/c i knew i had to get some rest, and i wanted to turn off my mind.  

but after some time (a couple of weeks i think) on sleeping medication, then weaning off of that, and onto xanax, i did better.  but when i went off of the xanax, i had an awful time!  i would stay awake until 5am, and not even realize it.  i started writing what was going through my mind in a word document, and eventually started a blog.  this has helped tremendously!  i know now, if i want to stay off of meds (which i do), i have to exercise at least 30 min a day and write stuff down at least once a day.  i've been very sick this week with a cold, so i haven't been exercising, and i am back to the sleepless nights.  

i hope this helps, and you find your way to turn off your mind!

{{hugs}}