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busterbeagle

Hi everyone

I am desperately trying to figure out how long it will take for my doctor to confirm that I have had a missed miscarriage.  No one has spoken the words or mentioned the possibility, but after our appointment yesterday, I am almost positive that I have had one.  I can't bear the thought of not knowing for sure, though.

I've been trying to find some kind of reassurance about what I am going through, and it seems like this is a good place to start.  Yesterday I had my first prenatal appointment for my first pregnancy.  I thought I was about 12 weeks along, and although it felt like that was late for a first appointment, I just trusted that everything would be fine, or if it wasn't going to, that it wasn't preventable.  I do still believe that.

My doctor decided to do the "fun" part first and find the baby's heartbeat.  After trying for what felt like forever it was clear we weren't getting one.  I didn't worry too much because my doctor did not act like it was a huge deal, just that maybe I wasn't as far along as I thought.  She did note during my exam that my uterus felt about right for the estimated 12 weeks, though.  She sent us to go get an ultrasound, and I didn't start to worry until the nurse called in the order and said "no fetal heart tones at 12 weeks."  We had to drive about 20 minutes to the other facility, and I was panicking the whole way there.

The experience at the ultrasound facility was definitely one of the worst of my life.  The place was so unsettlingly quiet, and they rushed me back for the ultrasound as soon as I got there, skipping the paperwork although I was a new patient.  The technician was totally silent during the first try.  She couldn't get a clear look with the external ultrasound and had to do a transvaginal.  Again, silence, and I didn't even get to see what was appearing on the screen.  When she finished, she got up to leave the room and I asked if something was wrong.  She said she was sorry but she couldn't discuss it with me.

About 10 minutes later she returned.  She told us that the baby was smaller than it should be and that they would be sending me to get my HCG levels checked.  They wrote me orders for bloodtests, one that day and one two days later, and scheduled me to come back in 10 days.  I did not get to see the ultrasound images at all.  I then rushed off to a lab that was open late to get my blood drawn.

Today my regular doctor's office called to say they would need to results from tomorrow's bloodtest to compare to yesterday's before they could tell me anything.  Since it is the weekend, I won't hear anything from them until Monday.  It is just agonizing to be in this position because I feel like closure is so far away.  I cannot even imagine dragging myself back to that awful ultrasound place, and I honestly hope that if I did have a miscarriage, I don't have to wait that long to find out.  It is hard enough to think that I have been carrying my dead baby around for this long, doing it any longer feel so completely unbearable.  And while I really appreciate that my doctor did not jump to conclusions or make me worried, I do feel like I am not getting the whole story, which is somehow so much harder to handle than just hearing it.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. 

WifeyWynn0626

I'm so sorry you're going through this. The waiting does suck horribly. I would have thought your Dr.'s would have been more open with you about what was going on. I hope we won't be welcoming you to this board and that you get better news on Monday. My T&P's will be with you!

lavril

I'm so sorry you have to go through that agonizing wait!  I hope you hear good news next week! 

I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks, so feel free to PM if you have any questions about anything.

busterbeagle

Thank you all for your support.  I got the official news from the doctor this afternoon.  I think waiting the whole weekend to find out was the hardest part, but it also really gave me time to start dealing with it before hearing the words.  I'm already starting to feel better, which is a bit strange because my body hasn't caught up.  I'm scheduled for a D&C on Friday, although my doctor says I might start to miscarry naturally since my HCG levels are dropping really fast.  I think hearing how many people have gone through this same kind of thing, some that I didn't even know about, is really helping to make it much easier to deal with.