Thinking about adoption

dizzybear

im curently 31 weeks and 2 days pregnant and im afraid of not being able to find a job. me and my bf both are jobless right now so adoption seemd=s the only good thing i can do for our baby. im scared and wanna cry constantly but i hold it in cause for some reason i think itll make me stronger or seem stronger to everyone else. this is the hardest decision i think ill ever have to make. im angry sad and frustrated all in one cause idk what to do and all i wanet was for us to be a family but nothing ever seems to pan out. and since now he has his ex and found out she had his kid even if he got a job our money would be gone all the time. so he told me we could try again in 17 years....so unfair.... i need some one to talk to please someone help!!!

Cissi64

If you are serious about adoption, you should try to find and agency in your area.  Make sure they have counseling and some kind of support network. You can also try a Pregnancy Support Center.  They will help you find resources without pressuring you to follow any specific path.  About the only thing they counsel against is abortion since most are sponsored by churches (and you are way beyond that anyway.)  I'll be praying for you!

dizzybear

thank you. i have been talking to an agency but every time i look at the familys matchletter s i wanna cry and i cant seem to pick the right family within my standards i guess u could say. the place we go to now offers councling but it doesnt seem to help me much i leave the place after just feeling worst.

katiejo11

i don't have much advice but wanted to say i'll be thinking of you. i can't imagine what you must be feeling.

futuremrsofficer

I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I think you are doing the best you can. We're here to listen.

silliestbunny

My heart goes out to you. I am sorry you are facing tough times. 

As for your agency, be open w/them about how you are feeling (crying when looking at parent profiles, etc.)  They should offer you support and counseling so you can feel good about WHATEVER decision you make. 

Hugs to you.

hway24

silliestbunny:

As for your agency, be open w/them about how you are feeling (crying when looking at parent profiles, etc.)  They should offer you support and counseling so you can feel good about WHATEVER decision you make. 

Hugs to you.

This! Definately talk to your agency and don't be afraid to ask for help. It doesn't make you weak. It's okay to let your feelings be heard.

You'll be in my thoughts.

MrsKolasa

I agree with pp's. Please tell your agency how you are feeling. They should be there to help you, counsel you, make sure you are making the right decision for you.

If not, you should maybe talk to someone at a different agency.

So, so sorry you are having a hard time. I'll be thinking of you.

wille2b

i am sorry your going through this.. like everyone said, find some counseling and they wil help you through the decision. i will be praying for you

amm78

I definitely agree with everyone else that you need to be honest with your agency and let them know how you are feeling.  They should be able to give you advice or help you to work through your feelings.  I can't imagine what you are going through and I will be thinking about you and praying that things work out for you.

Dragonfly_Bride

I hope you get some support from the agency. It sounds like such a tough situation to be in. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

purplerhi

So sorry that you are in this hard place.  Please know that the agency is there to help you.  Let them know that you are struggling with this decision.  The best advice that I can give is to reach out to the agency.  My thoughts and prayers are with you. And always know that the best listener is God.

smith486

I just talked with a birth mom at my agency today. she said that in the first set of bios she got he found faults with everyone.

She finally called the agency back to see if they had ANYONE else's bio they could send her. They sent one more. As soon as she opened it, she knew this was the family for her baby. 

I am not saying they all turn out like that, or there will be some big "ah, ha!"  when you see a family you like. But you might want to ask for some more bios. You might not have seen the "right" family yet.

Also, like everyone else said, I would be honest with the agency and tell them how you are feeling. They are very experienced with these types of situations. 

tuttles

Adoption provides a DIFFERENT life than the one they were born to have -- sometimes better, sometimes worse ,sometimes it's about the same. but ALWAYS it's DIFFERENT. ALL natural mothers and fathers lose a child in adoption and GAIN nothing.. All natural family members -- extended family members -- lose the opportunity to love and have a relationship with a child that is lost to adoption. They have lost a niece/nephew... a cousin... a grandson/granddaughter... and so on. But, no one suffers that loss much as the adoptee who lost EVERYONE and EVERYTHING before they 'gained' something else. An agencies goal is to get you to relinquish your child. As far as open adoption Twenty states do have laws that allow enforcement of open adoption agreements, but that enforcement is most often mandated only if the court sees openness as best for the child and must be included in final decree. Nine states won't enforce these agreements, which means that birthparents in those states have no legal recourse once the adoption has been finalized. In the remaining 21 states, the statutes are vague or don't address the issue of open adoption, and the decision of whether to enforce is left to the discretion of the courts. In other words after adoption its out of your hands in most cases. Unemployment is temporary Adoption is forever and seems to be something you don't want to do. Why not take your baby home and try parenting. I have some sites if you?d like them.

 

Jermysgirl

That's a sh!tty thing to say, tuttles. My daughter's birthfamilies are a huge part of our lives and we feel lucky to have been welcomed into their families and vice versa. Not all adoptive parents close the door on birth parents and not all adoptees are bitter and ugly about their lives. Of all the adoptive parents I know, none have shut down lines of communication, and none of the adoptees I know wish their lives had been different. OP, whatever you choose, I hope you find peace.

tuttles

I stand by what I posted. The jury is still out on how your daughter might feel about being adopted as she is only two. My afam would tell you I  fine with it too. I have peace thanks.

Jermysgirl

I wasn't wishing you peace...you clearly eschew the idea. And I wasn't talking about my daughter, I was talking about the 20+ adult adoptees I know who are totally happy with their lives and wouldn't change a thing. I bet your parents know perfectly well what a miserable person they raised...parents tend to know these things about their kids.

amm78

My mom was adopted in the 1950's in a closed adoption.  She has no idea who her birthfamily is and she has no issues with that.  She has always said that her adoptive parents were meant to be her parents and she's never had any desire to seek out her birthparents.  Just because some adoptees have difficulties doesn't mean that they all do.  Every situation and every person is different.

emorymule

Amen amm78!!

I'm the product of a closed adoption in the 80s and I too have no interest in my birthparents. I am meant to be with the my parents... parents are the ones who raise you not the ones whose DNA you have.

I'm also an adoptee who does not believe in open adoptions... it's just confusing for the child and causes more harm then good in the long run, in my opinion - especially as the child gets older.