Sigh....DH just doesn't get it

abvernon

I will preface by saying DH has been a great supporter during our IF journey and I love him dearly but he always wants to solve things. Don't give me a result, I want you just to listen!!

For example, my running group wants me to sign up for a race that is in May. I am not going to do it because a)I may be PG or b)I may be on injectables still or c) suffering from m/s or whatever and I am not sure how I will react to them. I just want to take it easy. Yes, it is good to exercise while PG and/or going through treatment but I do not want to do a race if it is going to compromise my ability to get PG or I am not a 100%. I rather use that $$$ for a race I KNOW I can participate in.

I do have a thick skin but telling my friends is a whole different story. They do not get that we are experiencing IF and I try to tell them as little as possible. I tried telling DH this situation and he gives me an answer on what to tell them.

Ugh...DH just does not get it. Just listen.So of course, I start crying and telling him he does not get it. HE is not the one injecting himself with medicine, HE is not the one having to get multiple u/s.

I guess there is real no point in this post  but I feel so defeated when it comes to this stuff. I need to be strong but sometimes I just fall apart. 

 

inlovewithB

Sorry! I was so lucky to have running friends that understood our fertility struggles and they never put any pressure on me. Several of them had been through IVF. I did stop all Aerobic exercise in April 2010 when my RE told me to. 

abvernon

inlovewithB:

Sorry! I was so lucky to have running friends that understood our fertility struggles and they never put any pressure on me. Several of them had been through IVF. I did stop all Aerobic exercise in April 2010 when my RE told me to. 

Yes, the kicker is one when through IVF herself and she is the biggest pusher. I think I may have to say-what worked for you, does not work for everyone else.

Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.

JessicaM2008

My Husband is the same way!

He either wants to solve anything or I get the 'everything is going to be ok' response

I havent told any of my friends about my IF because I dont really know the cause of it yet AND I still have hope so I rather duel on the positive (although I did went through a very rough couple of weeks!!).

So I sat down with him, explained to him EVERYTHING I have came accross researching about IF and high FSH levels and what it all means...I noticed a little worrying on his face but then I got the famous  ''everything is going to be ok'  response.  I was satisfied knowing that in his own way, he got it! )

I have learned that how I word things helps...like if  I tell him I have a plan and then tell him what the plan is...there is nothing for him to solve, if it sounds like a good plan he usually goes for it and does his best to help me

Good Luck with everything!

 

abvernon

JessicaM2008:

My Husband is the same way!

He either wants to solve anything or I get the 'everything is going to be ok' response

I havent told any of my friends about my IF because I dont really know the cause of it yet AND I still have hope so I rather duel on the positive (although I did went through a very rough couple of weeks!!).

So I sat down with him, explained to him EVERYTHING I have came accross researching about IF and high FSH levels and what it all means...I noticed a little worrying on his face but then I got the famous  ''everything is going to be ok'  response.  I was satisfied knowing that in his own way, he got it! )

I have learned that how I word things helps...like if  I tell him I have a plan and then tell him what the plan is...there is nothing for him to solve, if it sounds like a good plan he usually goes for it and does his best to help me

Good Luck with everything!

 

hmmm...you may be on to something. I may have to sit him down and tell him the plan again and why I am nervous. Thanks for the help!

mikeandangie

(((Hugs))), sweetie. Men are just more solution-oriented, so he's just trying to be helpful ( I know, I've been there with DH).

As for running and all that, do not let yourself feel pressured. As bad as it sounds, I think the best thing is for you to be very selfish during treatment. Just be kind to yourself. There will be other races after you get knocked up and have the baby:)

patchen30

Men just CAN'T really understand, IMO.  My husband is the most wonderful person you can imagine, everyone says so, and everyone says what an amazing husband he is.  Yet, he just doesn't get it.

I don't divulge my every thought about IF to him as a result.  I've learned that he has a lower tolerance level for the BS of IF, and that he also doesn't REALLY know what to do to comfort me. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this ((Hugs))