Confession

patchen30

This may be flameworthy...

I think I am officially more jealous of IFs who get a BFP on their 1st IVF w/ twins than fertiles who get pg at the drop of a hat.  Somehow I just don't even see myself as the same species as a fertile anymore, I think that's why.

SLPMel

I don' think it's flame worthy-at least not by me!  I understand.  It's almost like you are an Infertile Infertile. 

It becomes even worse at points for me-why did IVF work for them and not for me? What did I do to deserve *this*?

Bella2u07

Not flame worthy by me....this is how you feel.  I feel the same way sometimes, just like SLP, I wonder why things work for others and not for me, etc...

IF SUCKS!

madelyn07

And it sure seems like that (twins from the 1st IVF cycle) has been happening a lot lately...

patchen30

SLPMel:

It's almost like you are an Infertile Infertile. 

That is SO SAD and pathetic but yes I guess this is how I feel.

Also - if my first IVF had worked I'd have a baby right now.  I am like a different person than I was back then - I am so much more jaded and miserable and I guess, depressed.

steveandkim2

I'm with you!  That's why I like the "advanced TTC" group!  I didn't want to join (mainly b/c I was in denial that I belonged there), but now I find myself only reading the post from those ladies.  I don't mean to be "unhelpful" to the others, but its tough to see people get pg after 1 IVF (or even IUI) when I feel like I've been through the ringer. I'm even more jealous of the twins because we want 2 children and are now accepting the fact that we may only have 1 (and that we may not have a bio link to that child)....Maybe things will get better over time and I can be more of a cheerleader!

 I'm also struggling when I see others with PCOS get pg with just a little help (since that's still our only "official" diagnosis).  It seems like I'm the only one who has trouble getting/staying pregnant with it.  Even my REs have said I should have "no trouble getting pregnant with IVF" since PCOS is easy to treat...Guess I"m proof that its not....

kthappy76

patchen30:

This may be flameworthy...

I think I am officially more jealous of IFs who get a BFP on their 1st IVF w/ twins than fertiles who get pg at the drop of a hat.  Somehow I just don't even see myself as the same species as a fertile anymore, I think that's why.

I totally get this.  I don't sweat fertiles, unless they are mean.

I go back and forth on twins.  Part of me would DIE for them and the other thinks it's too much and most ppl have no idea what they are getting themselves into.  I also love it when ppl are "surprised" when they end up with twins when they transfer multiple embies.  Really?

patchen30

kthappy76:

patchen30:

This may be flameworthy...

I think I am officially more jealous of IFs who get a BFP on their 1st IVF w/ twins than fertiles who get pg at the drop of a hat.  Somehow I just don't even see myself as the same species as a fertile anymore, I think that's why.

I totally get this.  I don't sweat fertiles, unless they are mean.

I go back and forth on twins.  Part of me would DIE for them and the other thinks it's too much and most ppl have no idea what they are getting themselves into.  I also love it when ppl are "surprised" when they end up with twins when they transfer multiple embies.  Really?

Haha.  "I can't believe it!  It's twins!  Can you believe it??!!!"

Um yeah...b/c you put two embryos back...

steveandkim2

kthappy76:

I totally get this.  I don't sweat fertiles, unless they are mean.

I go back and forth on twins.  Part of me would DIE for them and the other thinks it's too much and most ppl have no idea what they are getting themselves into.  I also love it when ppl are "surprised" when they end up with twins when they transfer multiple embies.  Really?

 I couldn't have said it better!!!!!

butterfly843

Not flameworthy at all. We have a family member who had b/g twins on ivf 1 born a few months before I lost mine that I got pg with on ivf 2. I would never want them to know the pain of loss, it's so hard because I always wonder why me. Now it seems like everyone I know is having twins.

LadyGolfer523

SLPMel:

I don' think it's flame worthy-at least not by me!  I understand.  It's almost like you are an Infertile Infertile. 

It becomes even worse at points for me-why did IVF work for them and not for me? What did I do to deserve *this*?

I hear you on this 100%.

07may07

No flames here. 

Lately I really am feeling how the advance TTTC check in describes.  I really do feel like the bottom 1% of the bottom 1%.

Even though I am happy for the IFers who have success, sometimes it is hard to see some make it look so easy when my body is making it so hard.

steveandkim2

07may07:

No flames here. 

Lately I really feel am feeling how the advance TTTC check in describes.  I really do feel like the bottom 1% of the bottom 1%.

Even though I am happy for the IFers who have success, sometimes it is hard to see some make it look so easy when my body is making it so hard.

So true!  Plus, I think other think IVF is so easy.  I actually had a non-IFer ask me how I could possibly have so many failures because IVF is a "sure thing..."

(please ignore me - I'm cranky today)

vanessagorc

Bella2u07:

Not flame worthy by me....this is how you feel.  I feel the same way sometimes, just like SLP, I wonder why things work for others and not for me, etc...

IF SUCKS!

Ditto!!!!!!!

vanessagorc

steveandkim2:

kthappy76:

I totally get this.  I don't sweat fertiles, unless they are mean.

I go back and forth on twins.  Part of me would DIE for them and the other thinks it's too much and most ppl have no idea what they are getting themselves into.  I also love it when ppl are "surprised" when they end up with twins when they transfer multiple embies.  Really?

 I couldn't have said it better!!!!!

And ditto again!

Ginger71

I wouldn't flame you. FWIW, I am envious of anyone who has never had to go through 6+ IVF cycles to ge their baby. I even see BFPs on IVF #2 or 3 and I still get jealous. I'm happy for them of course but sad for me.

Edwina.McDunnough

Not flame worthy by me, infertile infertile sums it up nicely.

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

Rachael07.07.07

I don't think it's flameworthy. I agree with you. And I'll take it one step further and I'm jealous when I see people who can just do IVF at the drop of a hat without having to worry about where the money comes from. I hate that anyone has to do multiple IVFs but I also hate that I'll probably be one and done on the IVF scale simply because we are completely OOP and we simply can't afford it. It sucks that I am bitter enough to think, sure if I knew I could do a gazillion cycles without having to pay all that money, I bet I'd succedd faster because that's one less stress during the cycle. I'd know I could try again if I failed. I flucking hate that we're here. I hate what IF does to us.

vanessagorc

Rachael07.07.07:

I don't think it's flameworthy. I agree with you. And I'll take it one step further and I'm jealous when I see people who can just do IVF at the drop of a hat without having to worry about where the money comes from. I hate that anyone has to do multiple IVFs but I also hate that I'll probably be one and done on the IVF scale simply because we are completely OOP and we simply can't afford it. It sucks that I am bitter enough to think, sure if I knew I could do a gazillion cycles without having to pay all that money, I bet I'd succedd faster because that's one less stress during the cycle. I'd know I could try again if I failed. I flucking hate that we're here. I hate what IF does to us.

It just sucks...i remember i was rooting so badly for a girl i cycled with to get pg.  Somtimes i felt more so than myself LOL.  Bc i knew she could only afford to do one cycle.  IF is such BS.

wewannababy

I'm right there with you!  Sometimes I feel the same way!  (

love2b_mrst

Agreed, agreed, agreed with everything on this post.  Especially Edwina.

steveandkim2

Edwina.McDunnough:

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

I agree!  That's why I stayed away from the board during IVF#2.  I was on a break before and didn't contribute and didn't want to come by on every freak out!  I also have a hard time when people worry about their betas and then their pregnancy is just fine - maybe its because I've never had a positive beta so I can't relate?!?! 

madelyn07

steveandkim2:

Edwina.McDunnough:

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

I agree!  That's why I stayed away from the board during IVF#2.  I was on a break before and didn't contribute and didn't want to come by on every freak out!  I also have a hard time when people worry about their betas and then their pregnancy is just fine - maybe its because I've never had a positive beta so I can't relate?!?! 

I agree with you both. It seems like there have been so many people lately who've stopped by for their first cycle, gotten pregnant and ran off. Or maybe I'm just really bitter about everything and feel like once one person does it everyone does...

And I agree with the beta thing a TON...coming from someone who did have crappy betas and super low progesterone...it really just blows me away to worry when everything is going fine. I know it is scary and all that but..don't go looking for trouble where trouble isn't, kwim? 

abbe19

Edwina.McDunnough:

Not flame worthy by me, infertile infertile sums it up nicely.

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

OMG-This-100%. It's just my own jealousy and all that but it bugs the crap out of me. I just wish it would work for me. Just once. I have been trying for 2 and a half years and I have never once gotten a positive pregnancy test. It starts to take its toll. Trying since 2008?! Come on uterus!!!

cbubbles2

SLPMel:

I don' think it's flame worthy-at least not by me!  I understand.  It's almost like you are an Infertile Infertile. 

It becomes even worse at points for me-why did IVF work for them and not for me? What did I do to deserve *this*?

Completely agree. Well put. BFPs for infertiles (especially from IVF#1) make me happy because we can understand their struggle but it stings when you're not in that group. Big hugs to you ladies who are so much further than my meager 2 IVFs.

MrsP71506

"infertile infertile" this sums up how I feel no flames from me, Patchen

SLPMel

madelyn07:

steveandkim2:

Edwina.McDunnough:

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

I agree!  That's why I stayed away from the board during IVF#2.  I was on a break before and didn't contribute and didn't want to come by on every freak out!  I also have a hard time when people worry about their betas and then their pregnancy is just fine - maybe its because I've never had a positive beta so I can't relate?!?! 

I agree with you both. It seems like there have been so many people lately who've stopped by for their first cycle, gotten pregnant and ran off. Or maybe I'm just really bitter about everything and feel like once one person does it everyone does...

And I agree with the beta thing a TON...coming from someone who did have crappy betas and super low progesterone...it really just blows me away to worry when everything is going fine. I know it is scary and all that but..don't go looking for trouble where trouble isn't, kwim? 

Madelyn-I think we are twins seperated at birth

may2806

No flames, I feel exactly the same, especially now having 'moved on' to DE. I am an infertile infertile, and like Ginger71 get jealous even when IFers get pg on their 2nd or 3rd IVF. To be honest that's why I haven't been around as much. I want to support everyone but it's so hard when I am just so far gone from so many other ladies on here. 

Edwina.McDunnough

steveandkim2:

I agree!  That's why I stayed away from the board during IVF#2.  I was on a break before and didn't contribute and didn't want to come by on every freak out!  I also have a hard time when people worry about their betas and then their pregnancy is just fine - maybe its because I've never had a positive beta so I can't relate?!?! 

I don't care if friendly faces freak out. We all do it, we all need to be talked down or get a hug. Friendly faces give as well as get. I suppose I feel jilted that I spend the time to dole out a bunch of information and that person can't be bothered to come back and help someone else out.

As for beta freak outs, I'm all for them i f someone is feeling them, but on PAIF, not here. It's like rubbing sh!t in people's face, complaining about a completely normal beta when someone else on the board is having a mc, cp, bfn, or otherwise crappy IF day.

Way to go Patchen for opening up thins conversation.

madelyn07

SLPMel:

madelyn07:

steveandkim2:

Edwina.McDunnough:

What drives me nuts is when someone appears out of nowhere, freaks out during their entire cycle, gets tons of info and support from the board, get's their BFP, and you never hear from them again.

I try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but I'm trying to be more judicious with my posts.

I agree!  That's why I stayed away from the board during IVF#2.  I was on a break before and didn't contribute and didn't want to come by on every freak out!  I also have a hard time when people worry about their betas and then their pregnancy is just fine - maybe its because I've never had a positive beta so I can't relate?!?! 

I agree with you both. It seems like there have been so many people lately who've stopped by for their first cycle, gotten pregnant and ran off. Or maybe I'm just really bitter about everything and feel like once one person does it everyone does...

And I agree with the beta thing a TON...coming from someone who did have crappy betas and super low progesterone...it really just blows me away to worry when everything is going fine. I know it is scary and all that but..don't go looking for trouble where trouble isn't, kwim? 

Madelyn-I think we are twins seperated at birth

maybe so! 

if that's the case, we should go on Maury and have a reunion show or something..I've always wanted a sister! 

jennype

I am wondering if much of this is regarding my u/s post.  I was scared and nervous and expecting bad news because that is all I have ever seen.  I have not gotten any positive reports from a dr until this ivf.  We have been off bcp for 7yrs and I NEVER got a bfp.  I was "shocked" by twins because of my beta numbers.  I don't see anyone on here that has twins with beta numbers as low as mine, and ones that did not double at first.  

I found a lot of support on this board and I hope I gave it  as well.     

vanessagorc

jennype:

I am wondering if much of this is regarding my u/s post.  I was scared and nervous and expecting bad news because that is all I have ever seen.  I have not gotten any positive reports from a dr until this ivf.  We have been off bcp for 7yrs and I NEVER got a bfp.  I was "shocked" by twins because of my beta numbers.  I don't see anyone on here that has twins with beta numbers as low as mine, and ones that did not double at first.  

I found a lot of support on this board and I hope I gave it  as well.     

I really don't think so....u have def offered a ton of support to lots of the ladies here. AND u posted it on PAIF.  I wonder the same stuff about myself too LOL. 

I'm so happy all looked good.

jennype

vanessagorc:

jennype:

I am wondering if much of this is regarding my u/s post.  I was scared and nervous and expecting bad news because that is all I have ever seen.  I have not gotten any positive reports from a dr until this ivf.  We have been off bcp for 7yrs and I NEVER got a bfp.  I was "shocked" by twins because of my beta numbers.  I don't see anyone on here that has twins with beta numbers as low as mine, and ones that did not double at first.  

I found a lot of support on this board and I hope I gave it  as well.     

I really don't think so....u have def offered a ton of support to lots of the ladies here. AND u posted it on PAIF.  I wonder the same stuff about myself too LOL. 

I'm so happy all looked good.

 

Thank you.  I know your appointment was tough.  It is so hard when all you want is answers and they have none to give. 

erinandbrockv

I think the thing that gets me the most (as many PP's have said ) is when on top of someone getting pg on their first IVF, they also used insurance coverage too and did not have to pay for it. I HATE that some of us do not have any IF coverage, and some do. It is like salt in the wound for those of us with no coverage.

 

hollymichael

A hardcore infert is how I usually refer to myself, but I like infertile infertile too.

Agreed on the beta freakouts when they are doubling just fine. I understand being nervous. We all will be after what we have gone through, but PAIF is the place for them, not here.

 

steveandkim2

jennype:

I am wondering if much of this is regarding my u/s post.  I was scared and nervous and expecting bad news because that is all I have ever seen.  I have not gotten any positive reports from a dr until this ivf.  We have been off bcp for 7yrs and I NEVER got a bfp.  I was "shocked" by twins because of my beta numbers.  I don't see anyone on here that has twins with beta numbers as low as mine, and ones that did not double at first.  

I found a lot of support on this board and I hope I gave it  as well.     

I can only speak for myself, but my comments were more "in general" and not related to any one person.   Its hard on a public board because you never know what else is going on with others.  I think for me, there were a number of people worried about betas right after I found out mine was negative (and it was the 15th time I heard "I'm sorry, but its negative")...      I hope you have a great pregnancy!

love2b_mrst

jennype:

I am wondering if much of this is regarding my u/s post.  I was scared and nervous and expecting bad news because that is all I have ever seen.  I have not gotten any positive reports from a dr until this ivf.  We have been off bcp for 7yrs and I NEVER got a bfp.  I was "shocked" by twins because of my beta numbers.  I don't see anyone on here that has twins with beta numbers as low as mine, and ones that did not double at first.  

I found a lot of support on this board and I hope I gave it  as well.     

Ok, I'll be honest and say that when I saw your post I was...hmmmm, don't really know the right word to use...but felt like "and of course she's having twins".  I know you were worried, but your betas were in a good range (even though they didn't technically double they were right there), and you had no reason to think everything was just going to go totally wrong.  And to read all your posts over the last few weeks about how you just knew it was going to be bad news, bad news, bad news, and then you get the best possible news ever...it stings.  And betas don't give any indication of multiples.

But I am feeling this because I am bitter and sad about my own personal journey, and trying to be hopeful but am still scared and nervous about my upcoming cycle.  So I am happy for you, but totally jealous that IVF #1 was a twin success for you. 

Kiki11

At one point I was more jealous of people who even got pregnant on their 1st, 2nd or 3rd IVFs.  (((hugs)))

07may07

hollymichael:

A hardcore infert is how I usually refer to myself, but I like infertile infertile too.

Agreed on the beta freakouts when they are doubling just fine. I understand being nervous. We all will be after what we have gone through, but PAIF is the place for them, not here.

 

I'm sure it's hard to move on b/c of what IFers go through and also what we know can happen since being on this board, we unfortunately get to see all sorts of sad, hard, crappy things.   But, I completely agree with the above.

SLPMel

07may07:

hollymichael:

A hardcore infert is how I usually refer to myself, but I like infertile infertile too.

Agreed on the beta freakouts when they are doubling just fine. I understand being nervous. We all will be after what we have gone through, but PAIF is the place for them, not here.

 

I'm sure it's hard to move on b/c of what IFers go through and also what we know can happen since being on this board, we unfortunately get to see all sorts of sad, hard, crappy things.   But, I completely agree with the above.

It's so unclear as to when you move on to PAIF or continue to stay on IF.  I'm not really sure when I would.  After a positive second beta? 

vanessagorc

SLPMel:

07may07:

hollymichael:

A hardcore infert is how I usually refer to myself, but I like infertile infertile too.

Agreed on the beta freakouts when they are doubling just fine. I understand being nervous. We all will be after what we have gone through, but PAIF is the place for them, not here.

 

I'm sure it's hard to move on b/c of what IFers go through and also what we know can happen since being on this board, we unfortunately get to see all sorts of sad, hard, crappy things.   But, I completely agree with the above.

It's so unclear as to when you move on to PAIF or continue to stay on IF.  I'm not really sure when I would.  After a positive second beta? 

That was what i did...but now id prob wait till a hb?  but then where do u ask about u/s?  ur right....this is a tough call.