what comfort phrase(s) do you hate the most?

HadleyS

You are right, Theresa858!  I hate the "it's common" phrase too, so let's just get all the nasty phrases out.  This is strange therapy I'll admit, but it works for me!

I hate hate hate: "Everthing happens for a reason", "it wasn't meant to be", "it just wasn't the right time"

lavril

"it was a blessing in disguise"  "it wasn't meant to be"  "it is what it is"  - that third one makes me want to pull my hair out!

Manderlin923

(Warning DS pics/ticker below)

I HATE "there was probably something wrong with it anyway"

The receptionist/nurse/whoever who checked us in at the ER during this last MC told my husband this as I was in the back (screaming for pain relief btw). He did not say anything and she continued with, "It's better than having a slow baby." He gave her a death stare and she muttered, "Unless you want that, then it's okay."

And she herself had had a mc. I just don't get it.

 

lauren.cus

"it happened for a reason" is my least favorite. Some others: "at least you're still young. You can just try again" "at least the baby wasn't born if something was wrong" "at least you weren't farther along". So many more...

HadleyS

Manderlin923:

(Warning DS pics/ticker below)

I HATE "there was probably something wrong with it anyway"

The receptionist/nurse/whoever who checked us in at the ER during this last MC told my husband this as I was in the back (screaming for pain relief btw). He did not say anything and she continued with, "It's better than having a slow baby." He gave her a death stare and she muttered, "Unless you want that, then it's okay."

And she herself had had a mc. I just don't get it.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  No she did not!  I am so so so sorry that she said this to either of you!  This almost makes me want to cry (and today was my first cry-free day so far!)

LifeInANutshell

"You'll be a great mom one day"...

 

molRN

"At least it was still early".  Like the fact that it was early on makes it less of a baby or less painful.

Manderlin923

HadleyS:

Manderlin923:

(Warning DS pics/ticker below)

I HATE "there was probably something wrong with it anyway"

The receptionist/nurse/whoever who checked us in at the ER during this last MC told my husband this as I was in the back (screaming for pain relief btw). He did not say anything and she continued with, "It's better than having a slow baby." He gave her a death stare and she muttered, "Unless you want that, then it's okay."

And she herself had had a mc. I just don't get it.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!  No she did not!  I am so so so sorry that she said this to either of you!  This almost makes me want to cry (and today was my first cry-free day so far!)

Oh yea. I think DH was too distraught & worried about me to say anything so he just ignored it. I am glad I wasn't there because I would have flipped my sh!t. And I am not a confrontational person, at all. I think the pain would have tipped me over the edge though....(case in point- earlier at home, DH was on the phone with the nurse and I was crying/moaning in the background, she told him I should just take an ibruprofren. I wanted to grab the phone and tell her to go blankity blank herself...but I held back)

I'm sorry though- please don't cry!

 

Muffinhb

"look at all the fun you will have making a better baby/babies" step grandpa

'Its better then having a sick one they cost alot" friend

"im glad this never happened to me" nurse at hospital 

there are so many these are the ones that really felt like a knife 

Oatoa

"It's all part of God's plan..." makes me very very angry.  Like it makes me feel better to know God's plan was to screw me over.

Also, "Well at least you know you can get pregnant."  That one annoys me to no end also.  Like that makes everything better.

yeliza h

"Oh she had Turner Syndrom....see it was for the best then." I want my baby with or without Turner Syndrom....ugh!

LaurenB15

"it happens to lots of people"

"its estimated that up to 50% of women miscary"

AJG2009

Oatoa:

"It's all part of God's plan..." makes me very very angry.  Like it makes me feel better to know God's plan was to screw me over.

Also, "Well at least you know you can get pregnant."  That one annoys me to no end also.  Like that makes everything better.

 I feel exactly the same way.  Other least favorites: "Try and stay positive" (sister and dad)  Um, about what, exactly?

"If there's something wrong with it, you wouldn't want it anyway."

I know people don't know what to say, but just say "I'm sorry" and leave it at that. 

ChristinaCT

Just to repeat what has already been said in this thread... 

"at least it was early, can you imagine if you were further along??"

"It's better this happened now than further down the road"

"it's better this happend, because there would have been something terribly wrong with that baby"

"it wasn't the right time" 

"It's so common, the next one will be fine"

I am sure there is more I will think of. 

ciclon01

I agree with all the ones you ladies said above and I will add

" At least you didn't have time to get to know him."

Yes, someone actually said that.

taurus424

new to the board...::shyly lurking after the worst days of my life::

 i hate...."you're young".....and what i'm young so it doesnt hurt???/ what is that supposed to mean.....

DS #1 10.4.06

DD angel at 22 weeks..1.11.11

LDW80

At least you know you are fertile

At least you weren't further along

God has other plans

This wasn't the right time (yes it effing was...we effing planned it...grrrr)

Well at least you won't be huge and big in the hot summer months (came from the ultrasound tech after she confirmed my LO's death...I wanted to sucker punch her).

madiegirl83

Ugh, I hate most other peoples sentiments...

"Now you get the fun of trying again!" ... like having get pregnant sex makes up for losing my baby??

 

I know people are just trying to find something to say... but I would actually prefer just an "I'm so sorry" to all the other crap people come up with... 

sisterrael

"You shouldn't have been outside in that heat, it couldn't have been good for your baby."

The ONLY thing that anyone has said that was even remotely helpful was, I am So So sorry.  I am here for you, whatever you need. 

And seriously, the whole world needs some grievance sensitivity training, IMO.

 

 

LisaBVH

I agree with all the previous posts...we never want to hear any of those comments. I actually called my mom 3 weeks ago thinking I might be having a nervous breakdown and all she said was "it's time to get over your miscarriage, you're not the only ones hurting" Needless to say, I haven't talked to her since. She'll text me and most of the time I don't respond and then she'll start texting my husband and he doesn't respond. Just wish she would get a clue.

pnkfaerie

I hated phrases like, "God works in ways we don't understand sometimes,"

"At least you know you can get pregnant"

I can't even remember them all... :-/ 

I hate not being pregnant and I'm even kinda tired of hearing sorry sometimes. I know people mean well but that's why I came to this board...People really don't know anything about it unless it happens...A baby that dies in any way never gets a chance to experience life. 

sorry, didn't mean to get rant-ish. Everyone in this board is so supportive and understanding....It helps so greatly.

HadleyS

madiegirl83:

Ugh, I hate most other peoples sentiments...

"Now you get the fun of trying again!" ... like having get pregnant sex makes up for losing my baby??

I know people are just trying to find something to say... but I would actually prefer just an "I'm so sorry" to all the other crap people come up with... 

I know!  How hard is that?!  My SIL still hasn't completely acknowledged our pain, and she's due on March 5 with her first child! I was really hoping for just a tiny "I'm sorry" from her, but I guess she doesn't know what to say...(so I guess she thinks that saying absolutely nothing must be the best comfort for me!!!)

lc&jw

"You can always try again". Said to me by my brother after our first miscarriage.

As I was crying on the phone with my mom a couple days ago, she recommended that we get a puppy so that I would have some comfort and something to love. Really??!! A puppy is not a consolation prize.

My mother also asked if we'd considered adoption. That was not helpful either.