Snapped this morning...

Jen&Louie

(Warning: DS pic/ticker below)

My MIL came over this morning and depite DH specifically telling her not to bring up our loss, she did it anyway.  It started out innocently enough, just asking how I was feeling but, then she just kept going on and on and wouldn't stop even when I told her I really couldn't talk about it. 

The final straw was when she said, "This is nothing.  You'll be fine and there will be lots of other babies."  I had to choke back a scream/sob and as calmly as I could I told her that no other baby would replace this one and that I would not talk about having other children while I am still carrying this one (my D/C isn't until Thursday).  I know I probably shouldn't have said it but, she pushed me to the edge.

The interaction runied my day and I cried on and off the whole way to work.  I know that she wasn't trying to be hurtful and it is just her way but, why couldn't she have just listened to my DH and left me alone?

vitan

I think MILs lack this thing called a filter. Not sure they realize common courtesy or at least take other people's advice. Though they expect you to take their advice.

I refuse to let my MIL know because she IS the type of person to tell me it was something I did that made this happen. Should it ever come out and she does, I'm walking away and never looking back. 

I'm sorry that's how you had to start your morning. This week just blows overall. 

jrevord

Maybe it's just a MIL thing. My MIL just so happens to have never had a MC before, unlike myself, yet loves to constantly remind me that "everything happens for a reason" and that "it's actually a blessing in disguise because the baby wasn't healthy." Like really? I already know it happened because something was wrong, but the last person I need to hear it from is someone who has NEVER had to deal with it ya know? It's because it isn't them, that they can take it so lightly, that they say things like that. Maybe it's because they have not gone through it, or because they have, but it was so long ago and had children since, that they almost forgot the pain because of the joy their children brought? I don't know. That's just how it seems to me. It doesn't seem like they mean to, but it does seem like they don't think before they speak. My MIL was sooo wanting a grandchild (she has none and almost has empty nest syndrome and is obsessed with kids.. i think you get the picture) that she constantly bugged us about getting pregnant, and when we finally did she went nuts about it, and now that we've had the miscarriage she does little things that really upset me, kinda like your MIL is doing to you. If I go out with her and she sees a baby she always goes "see this is what i want" or if we see baby clothes at stores she'll stop and be like " awe look how cuuute lets look at the clothes" .. Like I REALLY want to look at baby clothes while i'm still bleeding from my D&C?! not to mention like a week after my surgery she was watching t.v. and saw babies on and was like "I want a grand baby damnit" like in the hurry up and make me a child tone.. and like SERIOUSLY?! the way she says things it's almost as if I hate children and never want any.. so she always has to nag and complain, but in reality I DO want them and I WAS trying and I WAS pregnant and its not my fault that i Mc'd... I think we can all vent, in one way or another, about MIL's bad comments.?

All-in-all I just don't think some people even understand what your going through or don't have a clue how to go about sympathizing with you.. so when they try they really screw up and because the MIL is someone who is usually around more so than others (she IS family now) she'll usually be the one to mess up and say something wrong.?

lavril

OMG I'm so sorry - that was incredibly insensitive of her to say that to you.  I don't think you were rude at all -she's lucky you didn't reach over and strangle her!  I'm proud of you for maintaining your composure during all that.  I would have been a sobbing mess!