Are people not really listening to you when you want them too?

LDW80

 So last night I went over to my MIL's house and my SIL met us there to have dinner.  They were kind enough to ask how my follow-up appt. went and as soon as I tell them that the pathology reports came back normal they responded "well that is great" and then changed the subject over to paint colors.  My MIL is remodeling her house and that is ALL she talks about.  I would think she would understand my circumstances a little more since she lost her husband a year prior to my loss and she has had a miscarriage.  She has never been one though to talk about feelings but my SIL always talks about feelings and now she has this new boyfriend and is with him every free moment she has and he is ALL she talks about.  When I need her most she is not there and we used to spend every weekend together.  At first I thought I was jealous but now I am just hurt.  I never realized until now that every conversation we have it always ends up about her.  She'll ask how I am doing, I will tell her something and then it will turn back to her. 

I have never been a person who talks about my feelings to others and now that I am trying to no one is listening.  My friends and family never ask questions about my feelings of this loss.  They just assume I don't want to talk about it and when I start to talk they listen for a minute and then change the subject.  Almost like when I talk about it they get uncomfortable.  That is why I feel like I have no one around me who understands and I feel so alone.  I have this plaque on my wall that reads "Friends are those rare people that ask how you are and then wait to hear the answer" and I believe that to be so true.  It's amazing how many real friends I don't have that I thought I did.  They are only there when they need something.  Sorry I am just having a " I wish my family and friends would ask how I am and actually listen to me and feel for me moment".  *deep breathe in...deep breathe out*....ok, vent over.

Is anyone else having the same problems?

 

 

Yesterday I had my follow-up appt. from d&c.  (Reminder to those who are new or can't remember everyone's story).....I went in for my 2nd appt. to hear hb.  I was 13w3d along.  They couldn't find a hb and I was measuring at 11w1d.  THis was two days after Chirstmas.  I had the d&c on the 28th of Dec.  I had to stay in hospital overnight for observation because I bled so much in surgery and the way the placenta looked.  That led dr. to believe I had a molar pregnancy (causes more miscarriages in future and can cause cancerous tumors in mother) so I was freaking out a bit.  Fast forward a week and I get the call from dr. that it wasn't a molar pregnancy and that dr. will go over everything at next appt.  I was able to breathe a little but wanted to know the cause.

So yesterday was my appt.  It started out a little rough only because the receptionist was asking for a co-pay and I tried to tell her this was a follow-up and that I didn't have to pay a co-pay.  Then another receptiontist asked the dreaded question "are you pregnant".  I snapped at her "I was and that I had a d&c 2weeks ago and that is why I am here".  Geez, people, don't you have that info in the folder you are looking up right in front of you?  Maybe they don't but I broke down and the were very apologetic.  Anyway, the appt. went very well.  Everything from the pathology reports came back normal.  SHe said at some point from the time I saw hr first (9wk3d) to when the bay died (11w1d) there was a chromosonal abnormality that caused the baby to not make it.  It could have been down syndrome, trisomy 13 (but I thought after I left, if that was the case that my baby could have had that what makes a baby with those syndromes make it andare able to live).  So the good news is everything was normal, we canstart trying when I have had AF 1-2 times and the likeliness of this happening again is a low percentage.  She also reassured me that when I do get that BFP she would see me earlier than normal and would see me more often in frst trimester to reassure me that everything is ok.

Froggy76

I am feeling the same way.  My family is not in the area, so I'm not sure what I expect them to do, but I'm feeling very alone.  I'm a somewhat private person, and I don't feel like talking to everyone, so maybe they think it's better to not acknowledge it at all.  My SIL has not even called or e-mailed.  All I hear about lately is her July wedding, and I'm sure there's a small part of her that's happy she won't have an 8-month pregnant bridesmaid now. 

I didn't really tell anyone else besides a couple friends and my family, so I really wish my family would do more to let me know they understand this is hard for me.

ChristinaCT

I know exactly how you feel.  One of my sisters kept saying "well at least it happened now not further along"  & she also said "well I never had a dream that you were pregnant so that means that this was a fluke" ...  A fluke?  really?  wow.  & because you didn't dream about it in advance, clearly that means I was never pregnant & I should get right over it.  Probably not what she meant at all, but I was pissed.  Then she started talking about her divorce issues.  Good gravy woman.  it's NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!  For once it is me that has a problem & need support,   But all she cares about is her darn self.  My other sister hasn't called or e-mailed or anything.  I know my mom told her.  i don't know what's up with that.  maybe she just doesn't know what to say?  who knows...

lavril

I'm sorry - that must be so frustrating.  I think people have no idea how awful this experience is and don't really know how to react or what to say.  I'm not saying that's an excuse, but it helps me maintain perspective when someone says something ridiculous to me.  I'm sorry they're not being supportive - but we are all here for you!