Having Trouble Coping

baileyd1

I'm new here. A little background.... My husband and I got pregnant in November and found at 7w1d that there was no fetal pole and I had a blighted ovum (12/30/10). This was our first pregnancy. It took us 10 months of trying to concieve.

 I had my D&C on 1/2/11. I have been a mess ever since then. Every time I see something related to kids I start to cry. To make matters worse, every TV show my husband and I watch decided to talk about babies and getting pregnant this week (Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother, Brother's and Sisters)! I am trying to remain positive, but I feel like crying all of the time and I don't really want to see or talk to anyone.

We also keep getting cards in the mail from family members. Although they mean well, I feel like they keep reopening my wounds! My SIL even sent us a sympathy card and then included in it a Thank You for my 6 month old niece's Christmas presents. How insensitive of her to tell me how great her baby is doing in the same card as she is saying "sorry for loosing your baby"!

Any advice or tips on how to move on? I want to try again as soon as we can, but if I keep feeling this way, I'm not sure I will be able to. 

pnkfaerie

i've been reading, "Empty cradle, broken heart", it's a really good book with quotes from parents who have gone through the loss of their child. It's helped me a lot. And as for advice, if you feel like crying, cry, a lot for as long as you need to. I also wrote letters and kept them because i noticed if I really had something to say and I held it in to not make someone else feel awkward or sad, I felt so much worse carrying the pain with me. It felt so much better crying it out through a pen into a notebook. I cried everywhere for 3 weeks, the mall, walmart...etc. Everyone seems normal but not being the only people to have ever lost, imagine, someone, wherever you are, has probably lost a child too.

 

at christmas time, my sis in law got this family tree thing that you put pictures in and she says to her husband, with all these empty pictures, it means mom and dad want grandkids! and his grandma was like, we all know that! and I just sat there nearly in tears thinking, damnit, i tried.

WifeyWynn0626

I'm so sorry for you loss. I've found too that it helps to write it out. I started a blog, other keeps journals or write letters. And I learned to take it day by day and not try to predict the future. If you need to cry, cry. If you want to be angry and scream and throw things, do it. It's the only way I found to deal with the emotions. Also, keep your support system close and take advantage of the fact that people are there who care for you. I hope you find something that helps, and if you need to talk it out, feel free to PM me.

jrevord

I also had an anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum) which I found out at 8w. I waited another two weeks for a second ultrasound just in case they were wrong, but they were not. At 10w I had a D&C and I have found that the only way to move on is to move forward. The doctor told me to wait 3 regular menstrual cycles and that the first would not be regular.. well.. It's been 2 months and 2 days and I finally got my first "irregular" cycle.. needless to say, I am not waiting as long as he said. I did a lot of research and it stated that most doctors tell you a longer time than necessary for "emotional healing". I've come to realize the only way I am going to heal is to be pregnant again with a healthy child. Waiting around and watching everyone else having children and turning every corner seeing babies is not helping AT ALL. After this cycle were going to try again, there is no need to wait. I do not need time to heal because I wanted a child, it wasn't an accident. I mean it's been 5 months since I first found out I was pregnant and whenever we do get pregnant again it'll be another 40 weeks.. I was supposed to deliver this May, but if I waited as long as the doctor said, I will not have one until Jan of 2012..?

I don't know if this is the same problem you are having, but it's mine. My problem is sitting around waiting and watching everyone else so happy around me getting pregnant and having children (almost everyone I know, it's really bittersweet) when I cannot. So, all in all, I really feel that the only way to move on is to finally be able to have the child that you are meant to have.

yeliza h

pnkfaerie:

at christmas time, my sis in law got this family tree thing that you put pictures in and she says to her husband, with all these empty pictures, it means mom and dad want grandkids! and his grandma was like, we all know that! and I just sat there nearly in tears thinking, damnit, i tried.

 Oh No! I am so so sorry. That was a little insensitive. I am so so sorry for your loss.

baileyd1

Thank you all for the advice. I guess that time may be the only thing that heals a wound like this. My husband and I are going to try again as soon as we are able. I have to just keep telling myself that "I am ok".

I will definitely check out that book as well.