need support for dealing w stressors...long vent

RobinSparkles81

sorry if this doubleposted...my computer was being weird.

First let me say that I myself am under no specific physical stress.  However in the last couple of weeks I seem to be getting lots of bad news and it's starting to worry me that the stress is a danger to the baby.

here is a VERY BRIEF rundown of my last two weeks (well as brief as possible)

My mum was sent to the hospital emergency after vomiting all night, luckily it wasn't as bad as thought but she had to have her appendix removed immediately.

 A very good friend told me that her mother was diagnosed with a potentially fatal inoperable brain tumor.  She is obviously very sad and I'm sad for her.

 Another "online friend" of mine who has had years of infertility due to endometriosis (like myself) and suffered several miscarriages  finally gave birth to a perfectly healthy, beautiful girl right before Christmas.  Tragically, she lost her baby inexplicably just 13 days later.  This was hard both because I feel so terrible for her and hate that she had to lose something she's but also because we have both dealth with IF and endo I can't help but live in fear that the same thing could happen to me .  Add this to coincidently reading a story of a woman who had a perfect anatomy scan at 19 weeks only to dilate and lose the baby just three days later...she had an incompetent cervix and now I guess I worry that could also happen to me.

 I also fell down the stairs this week (as posted earlier).  Was told not to worry about the baby but i guess it still lingers in my mind.

My mom is now BACK in the hospital because she was dx with an abscess tooth and the meds didn't help.  Her face is so insanely swollen, she can't breath through her mouth or eat much of anything.  She is waiting at the ER triage to get IV antibiotics.

 I'm also worried financially as the teacher I was replacing 100% of the time before the holidays has returned 4 days/ week. I now only have a 1 day/week contract.  I'm waiting to see if I'm eligible for Employment Insurance and spent two hours on the phone today making sure this won't affect my maternity leave money (I live in Qc and we get 50 weeks off...i don't want to lose that).

 I know that I shouldn't always worry about losing my baby so please don't tell me that. I know that stress is bad...telling me "don't stress" isn't going to magically make me not worry.  The 3 years of IF have made me so scared to lose what's taken so long to achieve...and hearing stories like the loss of my friend only makes me more scared...especiallly that I've felt no movement yet and have to wait until Feb 2nd for anatomy scan   I guess I'm just looking to vent and for a sympathetic ear...

thanks.

Galena99

That is a lot going on at once.  Try keeping a journal of positive things.  Once you focus on the negative it is hard to find the positive. 

Give yourself some down time.  A warm (not too hot) bath, treat yourself to a massage, buy flowers, etc. 

It takes practice letting go of other people's baggage.   Cherish those little baby kicks and live by the mantra we use on the pregnant after a loss board, "right now I am pregnant and I love my baby."  None of us know what could happen to your babies and it is pointless stressing over what you don't know. 

Good luck!

lnln8

I try to focus on things that I can control or affect me directly. I'm sorry to hear about your friend and mother, but the cold reality is there's nothing you could do about it. YOU can not prevent it, YOU can not fix it, therefore you should not stress over it. Support them yes, but not at the expense of your child. Also, (this is another mean thing to say, but it is the truth) the people you mentioned are perfectly aware that you are pregnant, its extremely unfair of them to put these stress burdons on you (especially if they know how much you will want to support them and the stress it will put on your baby). 

Your job, on the other hand, is the one thing that does affect you. I think that should be your primary focus, getting those little financial ducks in a row is important for your child after its born.

I don't want to be mean or hyper-critical, but at this time you should only be stressed about yourself and your baby.  

Jaytee501

I sympathize; I can relate.

I didn't go through IF but have had many issues, pregnancy-related  (like some testing I was nervous to have done & elevated blood sugar I"m dealing with) and not pregnancy-related like work.

Everyone says, "Don't be anxious, it's not good for you, it's not good for the baby." I'm not usually sarcastic but I've wanted to say, 'Really? Anxiety isn't good? Well, then, forget it, I"m perfectly calm. Thanks for letting me know." It's nice to have support (& people encouraging you NOT to be fearful is different than those chiding you for being anxious, etc.) but it can feel very lonely. I know.

I'm doing my best to keep busy, spend time with friends, LAUGH and even, unfortunately, stay off the internet when I feel it's fueling my anxiety. Sometimes the random stories I hear in addition to pregnancy & child-related "scares" I know personally is just too much.

Thinking of you, hoping you can find ways to de-stress & feel better!   

skrichar

I'm so sorry to hear all this sad news! It's totally understandable that you are stressed and having trouble coping. Believe me, I find much less important worries to stress about! So I don't really have any advice to give you. But I do hope you start getting some positive updates soon and some little reassurances for your family, you and your LO.

I will add that after some personal tragedy a few years ago, I learned the value of counseling/therapy. You may want to consider talking to someone - I find it helps me work through irrational fears and worries like nothing else can.

Good luck to you! You'll be in my thoughts. 

RobinSparkles81

thank you everyone for your kind words and supportive comments. 

I realize that I shouldn't have to worry about everyone elses problems on top of my own, but that's just my nature. 

 Focusing on the positive things through a journal would be a good start.  And I definitely could use my mum right now, but she needs to focus on her health right now and I don't blame her.

The good news is things seem to be ok for the employment insurance...hopefully I'll get a prompt reply.

I love this LO very much...just hope she/he starts making his/her presence known soon!  I'm 19weeks

cvl105

I'm so sorry you're dealing with and going through all of that. I hope everything starts getting better for you.

Amaya84

1. Don't stress about stressing. It's just another thing added on the list if you  do. Remind yourself that while it helps the pregnancy so smoother, women have been stressing since the beginning of time. Calm down. 

2. Don't read pregnancy loss stories. You are at good point. Only about 5% of pregnancies don't complete after 14 weeks.  Those things that happen to women are actually rare. Your doctor would know if something is at risk.

3. The fall down the stairs. Your baby is very well protected. You can sleep on your tummy in the 3rd trimester without harming it; it is just not comfy. Falling is not dangerous this early in pregnancy. Your baby IS fine. It's like thinking you ruptured your bladder or something by falling. So don't worry about that one.

Stress will happen. Just take deep breaths and do what you can. Read your favorite books. Lounge around. Eat chocolate; yes chocolate is good for you an helps calm you. Pick out a place where you resolve to just relax; to left worries float away. Go there a few times a week. Practice meditation. Listen to calm music. 

Simply: don't dwell on those stressing things all day. Bad things happen, yes, but it shows us the good in the world. Look for the good.