Update: back from u/s... long

ChristinaCT

Hi ladies,  I hope everyone is hanging in there  I went to the doctor today.  She gave me a hug & cried with me.  She has been exactly where we are all.  I felt so comfortable around her & am so happy that I chose her as my OB so long ago.  Anyway,  I had the ultrasound.  She showed me what remained of the sac.  She said everything is progressing as it should be & no D&C will be needed.  Small miricles, right?  That made me feel better.  She said I had to wait for one normal cycle & she gave us her blessing to start trying again anytime after that.  I feel more at peace now.  Am I happy?  hell no.  I am still very sad, but I am doing so much better than yesterday & even better than I was this morning.  I still cry & I know I will keep crying over the loss of this beautiful child.  I also know IU am ready to move on when the time is right.  

When we first talked about trying to have #2 we agreed to have a 2012 baby.  In October I was late & thought we were PG.  I wasn't but after that we figured what the heck, lets go for it.  Both of us thought it would take a long time.  I got pregnant within one cycle.  I felt blessed.  In my heart I knew something wasn't right.  Not because it was quick, but for some reason I was very nervous about this pregnancy & I coudn't shake it.  One woman from the loss boards that recently got her BFP told me to keep saying "today I am pregnant & I love my baby"  that helped me a lot... when my symptoms stopped, I was worried, but said that saying to myself.  within days my spotting started.  I guess I knew somewhere in myself that this wonderful child woudl only be with us for a short time.  This baby made me realize how much I want to be pregnant again & how much I love my family & friends.  This child taught me to trust myself & to trust my instincts.  

 I go back on the 20th (what should have been my first prenatal u/s appt) & I get my HCG levels checked again.  She said she wants to follow them down to zero.  I am going to work on myself now.  Heal physically & mentally & hopefully lose some more damn weight.  I am going to try to stick to our origional plan this time & next time I will have a "sticky baby" & after 9 wonderful months a baby to take home.  I am also going back to church.  I think this might have been the kick in the a$$ I needed to go back & find myself & peace again.  

I am so thankful I have you ladies to talk to.  I know I am going to need you guys during this dificult time & I thank each & everyone of you.  I am not happy we had to meed under these circumstances & I hope none of us have to worry about this heartache n the future.   

I resolve to think positive when I can starting... now?  lets hope so.

HadleyS

(((hugs for you))) and thank you for sharing your story.  I think I remember that post that you mentioned about "today i am pregnant".  I too, was happy to have the natural miscarriage.  I hope that you have a speedy recovery and good luck when TTC!

marinewife709

i am so sorry for your loss!! and just like above thank you for sharing your story!! I know exactly what you mean when you say you just knew something wasn't right. I found out i had a blighted ovum on november 19th and it was like i knew, i was strangly unattached to the pregnancy i mean i was so excited but something inside me wouldn't allow me to be fully excited i was just more nervous!! The best of luck to you!!

Jen&Louie

I'm glad for you that you won't need the D&C and that you are starting to find some peace.