What happened to my sweet baby?

SigmundsGirl

Evan has been an intense baby since birth, but the past 4-5 months he really has been a happy, sweet baby most of the time. He has always done well at daycare and is good 99% of the time when we take him out. In the past week he has started screaming (the kind that makes your ears bleed) when he is frustrated or doesn't get his way. One day last week the teacher said that Evan was not his usual happy self and was hitting the other babies in his room and even pulled one little girl's hair. The other babies in the room were not mobile and the other baby that is about a month younger than him was not there to play with.

We want to do what is best for him and the people he interacts with, but we are not sure how to correct this behavior. When I go out in public I won't just ignore his bahavior since this isn't fair to the rest of society. When he did this at Target, I picked him up out of the cart. When he started it again, we left ASAP.

We usually get a fight when we are trying to feed him, but for the past 2 weeks it has been worse. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do. We are meeting with someone tomorrow to talk about parenting classes. When I asked my mom and then my ILs for advice they each said, that their kids never did anything like this. Good to know my DH and I were perfect.  ;-)

Has anyone else experienced this? What worked for you?

SigmundsGirl

Forgot to mention that he still has times when he is sweet and adorable. He plays well and is loving the majority of the time. His frustration and screaming is just creeping back up and we want to get to the bottom of it (or learn how to deal with it the best we can) before it becomes a problem. For example, if we are feeding him Baby Mum-mums and he wants more, he used to bang on the tray or open his mouth, but since he will put too much food in we are trying to get him to eat it first then we will give him more. If we don't give him more, he screams as high and loud as possible. 

charlotteL

I could have written this word for word about Joshua.  He started his "terrible twos" at 9 months.  At home I just let him have the tantrum because I didn't want him to associate the act with any kind of attention.  As long as he wasn't going to hurt himself or someone else I let him do it until he calmed down. 

Out in public I would remove him from the situation and let him have his tantrum in the car or the restroom.  I never left all together because that is usually what he wanted and if I left the tantrum got him what he wanted.  There were many times when we had to try a few times before he would calm down. 

jen5-03

It's a phase. A really annoying phase, but it will pass. He's trying to figure out how to communicate and he figured out that this really high pitched loud sound makes you react and jump and do fun things like pick him up. DD was a happy screecher and did it just to enjoy the sound of her own voice, talk about annoying!

The only things that I can think of to help is if he can pick up some signs so he can tell you more with his hands instead of a screech, and try to reason with him. I know that sounds stupid, he can't "reason", but talking to him quietly and telling him not so loud made *me* feel better, like I was trying to do something about it, and sometimes it did work. They really do understand a lot more than we give them credit for I think.

step2mom2010

I was going to ask if you had tried signs yet? I am not where you are, yet, but we have started working on signs.  I *hope* that it will give our little guy a way to tell us what he wants, and help him.  I went to Barnes and Noble and read through a couple of books and picked what worked best for me.  We shall see.  I will let you know in 3 months how it goes!

kat.in.the.hat

I third the idea of teaching him some really basic signs, milk, hungry and sleepy are the first that pop to mind.

It sounds (in my very non professional opinion) that he's actually pretty advanced cognitively for his age and is just really frustrated that physically he can't communicate to you.

lilbitnmag

No suggestions on my part, but want to share this signing website to help out if you decide to try.

SigmundsGirl

kat.in.the.hat:

I third the idea of teaching him some really basic signs, milk, hungry and sleepy are the first that pop to mind.

It sounds (in my very non professional opinion) that he's actually pretty advanced cognitively for his age and is just really frustrated that physically he can't communicate to you.

I really like the idea of using signs, like everyone suggested. We half-heartedly tried this about a month ago, but should try again in earnest. I know he is really frustrated and he has his mom's temper, so it isn't the best mix.

Thanks for all of the encouragement.

step2mom2010

lilbitnmag:

No suggestions on my part, but want to share this signing website to help out if you decide to try.

Libit!!! THANK YOU for posting this! I have been struggling with learning all this on my own and this website is great.  I love that they have a video with each sign to help teach.  You just made my day!  Now maybe I can learn a bunch of signs instead of the limited ones in my book. 

SigmundsGirl

lilbitnmag:

No suggestions on my part, but want to share this signing website to help out if you decide to try.

That is an awesome website! I can't wait to look at it tonight with DH. I think we will also work on this with daycare to have a new word of the week.

Suzi-G-

Honestly, everything you've mentioned sounds totally normal to me.  Annoying but normal.  When Cooper was about Evan's age he discovered a love for the refrigerator.  Whenever we opened the door he'd be right there, playing with the condiments in the door--- and god help you if you shut it.  He would lay on the floor and have an all out screaming fit.  99% of Cooper's fits are because we took something away or stopped him from doing something though so that's a little different than what you describe.  But, over the last 3 months his cognitive language has really taken off and I know he can understand a lot of what I say, even though he can't respond, so I try and use very short explanations for why he can't have whatever he wants.  "not safe" "yucky" etc.   Like PP said, I'd definitely explain to him, talk to him, when he's screaming.  He may not understand right away but he will soon.  Be patient.

I agree with everyone else some signs would probably help.  The first ones we taught were "milk" "eat/food" "more" and "all done."   Then I got kind of lazy about teaching new signs.  Now we're working on "hurts" "sleep" and a few others.  

 

Suzi-G-

I also meant to say, the hitting and especially the hair pulling I would by and large disregard.  EVERY other baby Cooper comes in contact with reaches up and pulls his hair.  Seriously, every baby.  It's not aggression, it's just "hey, what's that on your head?  Cool!! I want it!" 

JamicanBride

Suzi-G-:

I also meant to say, the hitting and especially the hair pulling I would by and large disregard.  EVERY other baby Cooper comes in contact with reaches up and pulls his hair.  Seriously, every baby.  It's not aggression, it's just "hey, what's that on your head?  Cool!! I want it!" 

Eden is the one on attack with other kids, mostly her size and younger.  She doesn't haven too many babies around her, so when she see one, she drops what she's doing and makes a beeline over to them.  I am forever grabbing her up just before she does something and always apologizing.  Funny thing is I was never in this position with Gideon, so this is all new to me.  But I agree all is very normal. 

And it doesn't sound as if his "tantrums" are that unusual either.  I agree with whomever suggested talking him down in a calm tone to see if that will distract him.  For a while taking something away from E was a nightmare.  She would scream and pretty much have a meltdown on the spot.  She has gotten a little better but still we expect to get the riot act from her when we do that.  I know you're frustrated but you guys will figure each other out soon enough, and then just when you think you have this situation under control, there will be something new that will make this behavior seem like nothing.

SigmundsGirl

JamicanBride:

Suzi-G-:

I also meant to say, the hitting and especially the hair pulling I would by and large disregard.  EVERY other baby Cooper comes in contact with reaches up and pulls his hair.  Seriously, every baby.  It's not aggression, it's just "hey, what's that on your head?  Cool!! I want it!" 

Eden is the one on attack with other kids, mostly her size and younger.  She doesn't haven too many babies around her, so when she see one, she drops what she's doing and makes a beeline over to them.  I am forever grabbing her up just before she does something and always apologizing.  Funny thing is I was never in this position with Gideon, so this is all new to me.  But I agree all is very normal. 

And it doesn't sound as if his "tantrums" are that unusual either.  I agree with whomever suggested talking him down in a calm tone to see if that will distract him.  For a while taking something away from E was a nightmare.  She would scream and pretty much have a meltdown on the spot.  She has gotten a little better but still we expect to get the riot act from her when we do that.  I know you're frustrated but you guys will figure each other out soon enough, and then just when you think you have this situation under control, there will be something new that will make this behavior seem like nothing.

I am so glad you guys said that this is normal. Evan had never done this before and when we had a note sent home from daycare I had no idea what to do. I felt bad for the other kids and bad for Evan since he was probably just exploring. I asked the teachers a ton of questions as to when he would do this and what they tried to get him to stop. And it aggrivated me that they couldn't tell me more, so I asked for them to really try to pay attention to when this happens. DH laughed at me because he said I was getting defensive when he and I were talking about it. I just don't want him to get labled as being a difficult/bad kid.

lilbitnmag

step2mom2010:

lilbitnmag:

No suggestions on my part, but want to share this signing website to help out if you decide to try.

Libit!!! THANK YOU for posting this! I have been struggling with learning all this on my own and this website is great.  I love that they have a video with each sign to help teach.  You just made my day!  Now maybe I can learn a bunch of signs instead of the limited ones in my book. 

You are more than welcome!  I have to agree that this is better than any book because of the actual dimenstration.  GL!!

lilbitnmag

SigmundsGirl:

lilbitnmag:

No suggestions on my part, but want to share this signing website to help out if you decide to try.

That is an awesome website! I can't wait to look at it tonight with DH. I think we will also work on this with daycare to have a new word of the week.

I would see if dc will help with signing. It's all about repition and the more he sees it the more he will pick-up and communicate.  Our sitter does the basics with all the kids so it is an added bonus for us all.