Life goes on... and its back to reality (long)

LaurenB15

I feel like my world has slowed down to a crawl since finding out about our loss yet the rest of the world as continued to rush on.  While everyone was celebrating the new year, my husband and I were in the ER to have a 2nd D&C to remove a blood clot that formed from the 1st.  When everyone was going back to their first day of work in 2011, I was home not ready to face the world.

I have to go back to work tomorrow... it was the first and last place I knew I was pregnant.  I remember that day at the beginning of November when I knew something was different.  I was having odd cramps and my breasts hurt.  It was on my way home from work that I bought that first pregnancy test that ended up positive.  For 2 months I lived with my little seceret at work.  Every day I would go in a little late due to m/s or leave a little early because I was so tired I felt like I was in my own little world- just me and the baby and our seceret.  The day before we found out about our loss was my last day at work before the new year- I left with a smile on my face and a note on my desk to call HR on the 3rd to discuss our maternity leave policy.  Tomorrow I get to go back with a new seceret.  Since I was waiting till my 2nd trimester to tell anyone I work I have to go back and act like nothings wrong- which feels worse than if they all knew.  For 2 weeks now I've been surrounded by friends and family who know/knew and who have been so supportive through this horrible time, but tomorrow I will be alone.

My world has been in slow-motion since I found out we were pregnant; it almost came to a stop the day we found out our LO was gone, yet the rest of the world has kept moving and now I have to try to jump back in... like trying to catch a train that is already in motion.

To those of you ladies who have already made this leap- I envy you and commend your bravery.  For those of you, like me, who haven't taken the plunge yet I wish you luck and remember... thebump.com is only a click away... I will take that with me tomorrow and I know I'll make is through,

MegMeg0913

I completely understand.  My first day back will be Tuesday.  My thoughts will be with you all day tomorrow and I hope everything goes well!   

~big hug~ and remember deep breaths 

lavril

Oh Lauren, I'm so sorry.  Reading your post made me feel like I had written it myself.  I felt EXACTLY the way you did.  My first day back was hard.  Really really hard.  But I promise you, it gets easier.  Each day I got a little stronger.  Be patient with yourself and allow yourself time to scream and cry if you need to.  Shut your office door, hide in the bathroom, sit in your car if you need some space to just breathe for a second.  I took a really long lunch my first day back just to get away from all the happy people!  We may not be with you tomorrow physically, but all of us will be here are cheering you on!!!  You are not alone in this - lots of women are thinking and praying for you!  Good luck!

kmn3

I went back 2 days after my D&C.  It actually helped alot.  All of my co-workers (including my boss) knew I was expecting.  I'm glad they did though, it helped having support around the situation.

For me going back gave me some normalcy.  I was "lucky" to have no pain or complications through the ordeal though, just more heartache than I knew I could ever have.

 Good luck tomorrow!

lauren.cus

I'm so sorry your jump back into 'normalcy' is tomorrow Lauren:( I remember exactly how I felt last week the night before...like PPs said, give yourself time to cry if need be and go easy on yourself. Just because you're going to be in the office tomorrow, does not mean your life has to return to normal. Allow yourself to ease into it. Get on the bump, listen to some music, and try to get a little work done but do not push yourself. We will all be here for you tomorrow should you need to vent or take a break!

We're proud of you for making the leap and we're cheering you on!

-L

Waiting_for_the_question

Reading your story was like reading a page of my own story.  I had to go back to grad school the day after my M/C, with only one classmate knowing what had happened.  For me, it was a relief that nobody knew what was going on because it gave me a little piece of the normalcy I was missing.  My family and close friends (the few that knew) have been calling and texting me their support ever since, but every call was like re-opening my wounds that were trying to heal.  So my husband and I decided to get away for the weekend and turn off our cell phones.  It was the best thing we could have done, just relaxing, cuddling, talking, dreaming (I didn't think that was possible after my experience), and simply enjoying each other's company.  If you have the opportunity, that's what I would suggest.  It makes moving on and going back to reality easier when you've had time to yourself to grieve and be loved by your partner. 

poppyjean

I am really sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through. When I had my m/c last summer only my boss and one coworker were aware (I work in an office of about 50 people) and I had to go about my work days as if my heart wasn't broken.  I haven't returned to work since my recent loss. I plan on going back next Tuesday. I am so anxious about going back, but know the longer I wait the harder it will be. Thinking of you and sending good thoughts for an uneventful return to work.