Please help! Hurt. Confused.

vitan

I am shaking just typing this and I'm not sure if I'm crazy or what the hell is wrong with me. The morning started out fine and then DH called his mom and she said today was a wonderful day and that she had news. DH asked what it was and she said she didn't want to say and that she had gone to his brother's and SIL's house last night. Automatically my DH thought SIL is pregnant. When he told me that, my heart literally fell down to my stomach and the blood left from my face. I came into the room and starting balling. DH came after me and was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much and that we have our plans, etc. He just doesn't get it!!! Hell, I don't even get it. I am so distraught over this, I really don't know if I'm out of line or if this is normal or what the hell I'm suppose to do. Am I upset cuz she's pregnant? Am I upset because I'm not? Is it because she's pregnant before me? What the eff is it?!?!? What sucks is this couple have been fighting for years and he even threatened divorce just last week. I'm so lost and confused. Please tell me either I'm crazy and need to buck up and move on or if this is part of the "process".

I'm so sad, upset, pissed, morose......

npilcher506

I think its just part of the process. I got an text from my friend last night asking for my new address so she could invite me to her baby shower. I thought it was pretty insensitive, she is probably not thinking anything of it. You are upset because your dreams were shattered, that is natural. Every couple has their problems. It sounds like these two just share theirs openly with others. If she is pregnant, you just have to hope for the best with for that baby. Thats not to say you have to be the one to throw the shower or be front and center in her pregnancy. It doesn't sound like you are ready for that or that it would at all be therapeutic for you. I wish you luck and healing.

lauren.cus

I read this and cried myself. All I can say is you're so normal to be upset like this. This is part of the process and it SUCKS. I completely feel for you. I wish I could offer comfort (maybe she's not pregnant??). But if she is just know you're allowed to be angry, upset, jealous, etc. Were all here for you to vent. You are certainly not the only one to have these feelings ((((hugs))))

madiegirl83

I am so sorry!  But I think, I know what you are feeling is perfectly normal.   It is ok to be angry and hurt and not want to think about anyone else's pregnancies. And it sucks that sometimes DH's don;t quite understand how hard this is for us.  I struggle with DH when he acts like that too.  Again, I am so so sorry.  Please vent here anytime you need to!!

TraverseBride

I am so sorry you are feeling this way!  It is so hard!  My sister is pg and I am having the most difficult time with it and I wish I didn't feel the way that I do!  Take care of yourself!  Hugs!

Fallon621

TraverseBride:

I am so sorry you are feeling this way!  It is so hard!  My sister is pg and I am having the most difficult time with it and I wish I didn't feel the way that I do!  Take care of yourself!  Hugs!

I just found out 3 days ago that my sister is pregnant also (I had to ask her I just knew somehow when I saw her) After she said yes and that she didnt want to tell me because she knows it will hurt I had to leave and go cry in my car.  OF COURSE IT WILL SHE HAS HAD **2** ABORTIONS WHILE HER BOYFRIEND WAS IN PRISON, THIS IS HER FIFTH BABY AND THE FORTH PREGNANCY IN 4 YEARS! THEY CAN NOT TAKE CARE OF THE ONES THEY DO HAVE!!  Ughhh very hard indeed I know and feel your pain but I believe it is normal for what er are all going through.  Hope thigs get better for you soon!

lavril

Aww, I'm so sorry.  I think it is totally normal to feel sad, angry, sick, and everything in between!  I opened up a card that came a week ago, and I just had this horrible feeling that it was a pregnancy announcement (not sure why?).  I felt like I was going to throw up as I opened the card.  It had nothing to do with babies - just a belated Christmas card, but my reaction was so strong it almost scared me.  I don't think you need to know why you're feeling that way - but defnitely allow yourself the time to be sad or mad or cry your eyes out.  Give yourself some space to go through all the emotions.  I think it's just part of this awful process.  ((HUGS))  

ciclon01

If it makes you angry then it is normal.  I have been reading  2 books about how to grieve after losing a child and they both say you will feel like you are losing your mind.  So it is normal to feel crazy and to feel upset.  I think in our search for why this had to happen to use it is normal to feel like we have a great marriage and would be great mothers so why do people who have a bad marriage or are neglectful to their children get to have babies like it is no big deal.  I think it is normal.  We can't help how we feel and we have to just let it out. 

pnkfaerie

I gave birth to my son on thanksgiving morning, and all I could think of is "what the hell do I have to be thankful for?" He was 22 weeks 3 days gestational age and I had a vaginal delivery. Following the loss, I fell apart, I lost my first child and I felt and still feel empty. No more kicks and no more belly. It's so unfair. I broke down all over the place, I nearly collapsed to floor in the mall, crying over seeing parents walking around with newborns, hearing babies cry. I cried in a walmart in the middle of the night when I walked past the baby section. I deleted a person I know who is currently pregnant from facebook and deleted my twitter account... I felt almost suicidal the day I found out that same pregnant girl was having a perfectly normal, healthy baby boy. My son had a CCAM, a severe malformation of lung tissue...

 The CCAM may have caused the preterm labor but we don't know for sure!

 

I've gotten better but the thought of someone becoming pregnant before I can get pregnant again makes me feel jealous and bitter and I don't want to be like that. 

I will say though; cry, even if its just one tear, cry. Every feeling you have, have it. I still cry, i cried not even an hour ago...  It is so easy to think no one else knows how you feel... but some really do. I'm starting to learn this slowly.

pnkfaerie

In fact, I'm crying because I realize that my posts still have my pregnancy counter on them and I wish I was still pregnant....