your trainwrecky reading for the day

redshoegirl

SIL and her daughter A are still down here for their Christmas visit. MIL, FIL and the two of them all came over for dinner last night, and I noticed that A kept rubbing her jaw. I thought she must have fallen and knocked it or something, so I asked MIL what had happened.

MIL got a grim look and told me that she'd wondered the same thing and asked SIL about it, who airily dismissed it as, "I dunno, maybe a molar is coming in." But A was in so much pain that MIL took a look inside her mouth. It turns out that A - who is all of 3.5 years old - has a decaying tooth. It's gotten so bad that she has an abscess in her jaw. 

MIL insisted that they take her to a doctor, who immediately asked SIL what her daughter eats. The result? Nearly everything - and I do mean everything - contains sugar because "that's what she likes" (really? a child likes food better if it's loaded with sugar? stop the presses!), and they don't make her brush her teeth regularly since "she doesn't like it." It also probably doesn't help that they're still giving her bottles of milk or juice to fall asleep with so she constantly has that in her mouth and on her teeth.

I get that sometimes it might seem easier in the short term to go with the flow vs dealing with a fussy child or a tantrum when they have to do something they don't want, but COME ON. She doesn't want to brush her teeth? Tough. She doesn't want to eat non-sugary foods? That's when you say, "Too bad, there's nothing else." No child has ever starved from being offered healthy, nutritious food (and this is coming from a world class picky eater - I once went on a hunger strike for a day and a half when I was about A's age, so I know all about kids not wanting to eat lol!). A is a little child - she doesn't have any idea what's best for her and she needs guidance and boundaries.

I kind of want to shake SIL...she takes permissive parenting to a whole new extreme and A is starting to pay the price for it.

MauiWedding08

yuck.  it makes my heart hurt.  unfortunately I'm around situations like this a lot at work.  I really think many people think they are doing what is best for their child but because of lack of education and  guidance they just truly don't know any better.

Not saying that gives them a pass - there is so much FREE information, training, and other resources out there that it is hard for people like you, me, and others on this board to even comprehend why you wouldn't seek out information on what is best for your children, but for some reason many people just don't make the connection.   

redshoegirl

MauiWedding08:

yuck.  it makes my heart hurt.  unfortunately I'm around situations like this a lot at work.  I really think many people think they are doing what is best for their child but because of lack of education and  guidance they just truly don't know any better.

Not saying that gives them a pass - there is so much FREE information, training, and other resources out there that it is hard for people like you, me, and others on this board to even comprehend why you wouldn't seek out information on what is best for your children, but for some reason many people just don't make the connection.   

I totally agree in general, but the weird thing is that I don't think that's the problem in this case. SIL is a trained chef and nutrition classes were part of her degree. She knows the problem with too much sugar, etc. I think she just found it easier to go along with whatever A wanted (she does this in a lot of other areas too, not just food and teeth brushing - the kid has NO boundaries) than to lay down the law. 

It just makes me so sad that A is getting such a bumpy start in life when there's simply no need. 

MauiWedding08

yeah, I was going to go back and edit that from your other stories I can tell that what I see and her issues are probably not the same.  But it does come down to some strange inability to make good choices, rather it be for lack of education or lack of responsibility.

Both are sad for the child(ren) involved.

Married2MrWright

You're poor niece.

My brother's 2 year old foster daughter had so many decayed teeth that they had to be capped and she has a silver smile now. Her bio mom used to put her to bed with a bottle of soda. I kid you not. WTF is wrong with people?

inamra

redshoegirl:

I totally agree in general, but the weird thing is that I don't think that's the problem in this case. SIL is a trained chef and nutrition classes were part of her degree.

Oh my...she has no excuse at all then!!

redshoegirl

Married2MrWright:

You're poor niece.

My brother's 2 year old foster daughter had so many decayed teeth that they had to be capped and she has a silver smile now. Her bio mom used to put her to bed with a bottle of soda. I kid you not. WTF is wrong with people?

I read once that because soda companies - specifically Pepsi Co, apparently - have such a stronghold in the Ozarks that in the very poor, rural, uneducated areas it's not uncommon for babies to get Mountain Dew in their bottles. I don't know how true this is but it tore at my heart when I read that. There are just so, so many things wrong with that situation.

mrspresley

an abscess??? omg the poor kid!  i am totally with you on this one.... that is what parenting is about, making the hard choices that need to be made b/c they are for the sake of your child. sheesh.

SanHawaii08

the poor child...