Faiure and guilt

Niftyroses

Since the MC news yesterday, I feel like a total failure as a woman.  I know that sounds sexist, but that's what women are supposed to be able to do, right?  There a tons of shows of 16 year olds accidentally getting pregnant, etc.  I feel guilty that I have "failed" my DH.  He was so excited about a LO running around.  He's such a wonderful man and I feel like I've let him down.  He has been very supportive, but that almost makes me feel worse.

poppyjean

You are NOT a failure. There are so many yucky emotions associated with loss please don't add guilt to the list. I know is seems unfair when all we see is "everyone" else getting and staying pregnant. Just know others understand your grief and mourn with you. Big hugs coming your way. 

dana1318a

I completely understand how you feel, because I felt the same way right after our loss; like I had taken something from DH that I could never replace.  But you are not a failure.  Unfortunately, mc are more common that we like to believe.  Contrary to what they taught us in high school, it's actually not that easy to get pregnant and have a baby  : 

Please give yourself time to grieve and heal.  Our mc was Nov 10 (so 2 months ago) and I let myself cry everyday for the first probably 2 weeks.  Then it moved to crying every few days.  And now, although I still love and miss our LO, I'm ok 95% of the time and it takes something specific to really upset me.  I believe that because I allowed myself to mourn, I have better healed my heart than I would have if I had just pretended it was not as devastating as it was, or jumped right back into TTC.  You will get through this, and everyday you'll get a little bit stronger (eventhough there will be days where you feel utterly weak - it's completely normal!).  ((hugs))

WifeyWynn0626

Feeling guilty, I believe, is part of the grieving process. I felt guilty also, like I was a failure as a wife, daughter and most importantly, a mom. But, I've gotten past it as I've let myself grieve and figure my emotions out. I know it's hard to think this way but, you WILL get past it and it WILL get better. But for now to emotionally heal, if you need to feel guilty, feel guilty. Just know that LOGICALLY, you're not to blame at all. ((hugs))

HadleyS

I replied to your other post, but just want to say here that I am sorry for this loss.  At first, I kinda felt like you did, and I told my hubby that I felt like a weak, broken, defeated person.  My husband has also been very supportive, but this has actually been helpful to me.  To reciprocate, I am also trying to be very supportive of him and have asked him all kinds of questions, like how he feels since he didn't have to go through the physical stuff that I did.  He really appreciated my concern and it really made us both feel like very equal partners in this whole mess.  When I get sad, he is there for me, and when I am feeling better I try to do more things around our apartment for him and ask him if he needs anything or wants to talk about anything.  The bond between us has certainly tightened and we seem to understand what the other is going through a little bit better, even if it's slightly different between us.  The more open we are with each other, even if it brings pain and suffering, the more "healed" and together we seem to become.  That may sound really cheesy, but it is working for us.  May you both find comfort in each other.

Lorange-8

I'm sorry for your loss, I think we've all gone thur this. But you are NOT a failure!!!