Had some false hope today (long)

proudmommy2b

The genetics department called to schedule an appointment with me today and actually got me in today. I was completely only expecting to have a consult with the geneticist. I get there and the first thing she tells me is that she had spoken to my doctor and reviewed my history and had spoken to a high risk specialist that wanted to see me right away and offered a second opinion. I tried so very hard to not get my hopes up. I kept repeating to myself, they are not going to find anything different. They bring me to the high risk department, introduce me to this doctor and he acts like he is still trying to actively diagnose my miscarriage. I was still trying not to have any false hope. He has his resident do an u/s. He was terrible and had a horrible image of my uterus. I had seen a much better image on Tuesday. He goes to show the OB who comes back and says he has to do his own exam. He brings up an image and shows huge surprise on his face and points at the screen to the resident. Ok now I have hope . He then eagerly states he has to do a vaginal u/s for a better view. He says nothing to me throughout the exam. Finishes and then tells me to dress and he'll bring me to his office to go over the results. Gosh it was agonizing. I knew deep in my heart he wasn't going to give me different info but part of me had my mind racing a million miles an hour wondering could there have been twins and he saw one alive?  I know, stupid! During the consult he said he was sorry to inform me there was no viable fetus. He said it as if I were hearing it for the first time! It was so frustrating that he made me go through all of that process with all of his excitement over what he found and then to  wait so long to tell me what I already knew. 

 The "good" news is that they began further testing. He is ordering an MRI to see my brain to evaluate my pituitary and make sure it's functioning properly (I have thyroid issues). He ordered a TON of blood work to evaluate for any and all autoimmune diseases and he also ordered blood work to evaluate my chromosomes. If everything he did comes back negative on me then he'll evaluate my husband. Until then they want to see me weekly to evaluate my progress until I physically miscarry. I see more u/s in my future. It is just so painful to see those images over and over again. 

Thanks for reading. I am having a tough day today with all of this and it helps to "talk" it out. My husband was unable to be with me so I had to just internalize it and take it all in (I sometimes hate being a military wife!).