Explaining NICU to 4 1/2 year old

jlw2505

My DD is 4 1/2 now.  She is suddenly very interested in looking at pics of herself as a baby (so is her almost 3 year old sister).  I was showing both of them pictures over the weekend without thinking about how I would answer all the questions that my older DD would have - she was in the NICU for a week due to seizures at birth caused by a brain injury.  DD is basically fine, just a sever speech delay in which she is in therapy for, has an IEP and is doing great and is a little slow to learn otehr things compared to her peers in her PreK class. 

Right away she started asking about all the wires she saw on her head and the IV.  I explained that she had to watched over carefully when she was born since she had some issues, I reminded her about the scar on her chest and told her they needed to help her breath (collapsed lung) at birth.  We have talked often about how she was on medication from birth to around 4 months (it was a daily stuggle to get her to take the meds) but I really didn't go into much detail.

My DH things we should be more honest in what we tell her, not sugar coat the details as much.  I still think she is a little young to grasp all that she went through when she was born - the brain injury, seizures, etc.  I know we will have to explain it more when we tell her about not starting kindergarten in the fall (she really needs an extra year to get her speech improved and she is also on the immature size - all teachers, speech people, my DH and I agree) but just not really sure how much is enough or too much.

Anyone else go through this?

NewNameSameGame

enough is enough to satisfy her questions at this point.  I don't know if I could go into the whole brain injury part of it...maybe thats the part that comes if she ever asks why she has a harder time learning or something??

But don't avoid it either...just be matter of fact.  "you were very sick when you were born and we all worried about you. The doctors had to use the wires and ivs to make sure that you would get better!  Everyone came to visit you and you got better!"

jettagurl

We have some pics of Ben in PICU at 6 mos after he had open heart surgery, and he obviously sees the scar on his chest.  

The extent of what he knows is that his heart had a hole (dime-size between the ventricles) and that God gave us Dr. Brown (his surgeon) to fix it, that he  and I stayed in the hospital for several days, and he sometimes has to go have it checked to make sure it is still working right.  

He doesn't ask more than the typical 'why was is not right?" and "why did it need to be fixed?"  When he asks about the tubes and arms splints and bandages in the pics, I just tell him that was all a part of him getting better after the dr. fixed his heart.  

I think your responses are appropriate for her age.  When she wants to know more, she'll ask. 

springmom

I can't answer from the parent view, but as a sick kid with questions, my parents were always very honest about my medical history. I didn't have pictures, but scars that I would question.

I'd just be honest and age appropriate with your answers. Then there's never a "we need to talk about when you were so sick when you were born" chat that you need to have with her later. It will just be something she's grown up knowing about.

lildevil968

We went through this a few years ago as well. I think DD was around your DD's age when we found pics of her in the PICU. She was 5 months old when she caught Bacterial Meningitis, and spent 3 wks at Childrens in the PICU. She asked alot of questions about the Monitors, wires, tubes, and the bandages she had on her arms, and her head. We basically told her that she was a very sick baby at the time, and everything attached to her was there so the Dr's could watch over her. She asked why she had a wire on her head, and down her throat, so we told her in a way she could understand. We didn't feel the need to tell her that the wire on her head was there to measure to the amount of fluid around her brain, or the pressure on her brain because of the fluid. We followed her lead with all the questions, and when they stopped, we stopped. We saw no need to get into the gory details.

Heidisean

We are very open and honest with Giada 4 1/2 year old. We tell her the truth with everything and don't sugarcoat anything. I believe they learn more this way. For instance, when I was pregnant with Evie she asked how is she going to come out. We (me and the OB) told her that I have a small hole in my crotch and mommy has to push and the baby slides out of it. It was open and honest, not sugar coating anything but enough info that she understands. GL

lizard76

I think they way you are answering is sufficient.  We had friends with a DS in the NICU recently and we pretty much told our DS that he was sick and not all babies are born super healthy.  The doctors, wires, tubes, etc. were there to help him get better.  He's also seen some pictures of himself at 4 months when he had wires and tubes in his nose (he was getting tested for severe reflux).  As long as she's satified with your answers, I think your good.

lizard76

Please excuse the typos in the previous post.