You will get pg again, it happens all the time...

PiperS

20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, at least you weren't farther along, your baby wasn't healthy, better than having a severely disabled child... none of those words are comforting! Thank you for not saying them here

It's only been since Monday and I am trying to get through it, but it's really hard. Our families are calling and coming over and I feel like I am always putting on a strong face saying that I am moving on and I'm fine, but I'm just so sad. I have to have the D&E tomorrow and today they are going to put something in me to help dilate my cervix. It's just so horrible!

yeliza h

I was in the position three and half weeks ago.  Preparing for my D&E and getting upset  because everyone said those horrible things. Smh. Yesterday when I told my FH cousin that my daughter had Turner Syndrome she said "See! God knew what he was doing." I wanted to smack the hell out of her.

You are better than me because I didn't answer any phone calls. One thing I would suggest is not putting on a strong face for anyone. You just lost your child...and they should not expect you to be in the best of moods.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. If you have any questions about the procedure please feel free to PM.

Sweet Artistmouse

I agree with yelizah . . . don't put on a brave face. You're going through a traumatic experience. Are you putting on a brave face for yourself or others? Allow yourself to grieve no matter who's around. Friends and family should understand.

Sweet Artistmouse

yelizah:

I was in the position three and half weeks ago.  Preparing for my D&E and getting upset  because everyone said those horrible things. Smh. Yesterday when I told my FH cousin that my daughter had Turner Syndrome she said "See! God knew what he was doing." I wanted to smack the hell out of her.

I'm not a violent person, but I probably would have . . . following a string of profanity directed at her. What an insensitive thing to say! People think they are helping when they say things, but they need to engage those filters in their head that checks if anything they say can be taken the wrong way. If there's any doubt, shut the h*ll up!

WifeyWynn0626

I agree with the PP, don't put on a happy face. I just came down to SC to visit my IL's and told my DH that I wasn't going to pretend to be happy, and no one has expected me to. You lost you child, no one should expect to see you smile.  Cry, be pissed and tell someone off if you need to. But, I also do understand that people are just saying those things because they don't know what else to say. Hang in there, it does get better!

clarks415

You need to put a stop to those people coming over. I told my mom and DH no visits or calls until I say. I had to have time with my DH and son and my time to grieve. I'd advice doing the same. I feel like it helped me a lot.

Kissimi21

I had a miscarriage in February and know what you are going through.  You think you can not possibly feel worse emotionally, physically, and mentally, then someone opens their mouth and knocks you down even lower.  I remember wanting to punch people, to scream at them, to do anything to stop them from saying those stupid cliche things that made everything feel worse.  Then my best friend said something to me that didn't make it better but put it in a new light. 

She didn't know what to say, which was a first for her (she's the talk for hours about anything type).  She told me that she wanted to say all these sincere feelings and express how sad she was for me, but she was afraid to hurt me so she ended up saying the usual cliche crap which she knew wasn't any better but felt safer.  She told me that she felt horrible for me and that she'd listen to me as much as I needed, but that she felt inadequate to say anything because she'd never lost a child and couldn't imagine what it was like.

I'm sure no one wants to make you feel worse and are just "playing it safe" with trying to make you feel better and sticking their foot in it all at the same time.  Don't feel obligated to play happy or be brave.  Cry when you need to, ***, yell, write, read other women's experiences with miscarriage... do whatever you feel is necessary to heal inside and out.

I must say I did get one bit of unsolicited "comfort" that means a lot more to me now.  My sister's boyfriend told me that miscarriages weren't all bad (could have killed him at that point), if his mom hadn't have miscarried, he wouldn't have been born. His mother got pregnant again with him a few months after losing her baby.  He would not be here if it wasn't for that loss. I'm now 7 months pregnant, something that would not have happened if I had not lost the first pregnancy and the first time I felt my baby kick I couldn't imagine not carrying him. 

Nothing anyone says will really help the hurt, but I wish and hope that all of the women who are suffering from a miscarriage all the support and love and healing they need.

Fallon621

Kissimi21:

I'm sure no one wants to make you feel worse and are just "playing it safe" with trying to make you feel better and sticking their foot in it all at the same time.  Don't feel obligated to play happy or be brave.  Cry when you need to, ***, yell, write, read other women's experiences with miscarriage... do whatever you feel is necessary to heal inside and out.

THIS!  I am so sorry for your loss and the things that people say sometimes that does more harm than good!  I think that people who have not had to go through something as horrible as losing a baby just simply do not know what to say!  But we are all here for you.

I have been going through this MC for a month now and now have to have a Dnc on Tuesday after all this time and that was what I was trying to avoid (enen though I knew it may still have to happen)  So We well understand if no one else what you are going through!  I hope you find some comfort on here as I have!  ((HUGS)) to you and hopes for a speedy recovery physicaly.

PiperS

Thanks so much for your support. I have to be in for my D&E at 9. I am dreading it so much. Even if the recovery isn't that bad I am dreading seeing the blood or feeling the cramping. They put something inside me to open my cervix yesterday and just the thought that it is in there is awful.

I am student teaching, starting Monday. Yesterday after getting the insertion I had to go straight to the school and meet the teacher and the principal. Unfortunately I had to cancel with them on Monday when it all happened and I told them I had a medical emergency. They both asked me at seperate times if I was ok and both times I got all choked up and my eyes welled up and just told them. It was embarrassing to show my emotion in front of strangers like that. They were both women. I was doing okay not crying but just the mention of it and I broke down. This is the worst thing I have ever gone through. Every day since Monday has felt like the worst day of my life!

I tried to keep myself busy all day yesterday so my mom and I went shopping and I had that meeting. I was ok but I could tell I wasn't myself because so many things went wrong. First I got lost on the way to the school (with my GPS), then I cried in front of strangers, then I ran out of gas in the middle of a busy road in my brand new car. I had never put gas in it before and I honestly forgot all about it. Luckily we broke down right next to a gas station! I never had pregnancy brain, but now I feel like I am losing my mind!