step-grandparents

EmilyStL

So I had step-grandmothers on both sides of the family when I was growing up.  Both were remarriages later in life for my grandfathers, and neither of the women helped to raise my mom or dad.  They were like grandmothers to me (well, one moreso than the other), but I didn't call them grandma or anything similar; I called them Aunt G. and Aunt P.  Since my parents are divorced and both have remarried, my LO will be in a similar situation to mine.  Again, in both cases my parents remarried when I was already an adult and while I like my "steps" a lot (and I DO--they're both great people and I'm grateful that both my parents have loving partners to grow old with), neither of them helped raise me.  I have always planned that my kids will call them Uncle B. and Aunt A.  I know the uncle/aunt thing might seem sort of weird, but it worked for me growing up, and it DOES distinguish them from just some random family friend.

The question of what to call step-grandparents was raised on another site I visit, and most people thought it was hurtful/insulting to not have the child call the step-grandparents grandma and grandpa or similar.  I guess I'd be more likely to agree with this if the step-grandparents helped to raise the parents, but in my case they did not.  I'm not going to change my mind about my decision, and my stepdad and stepmom both know what the plans are and didn't argue with me, but I'm still interested to hear your opinions on this, and what you're doing if you're in this situation.

Whitney0708

My husband's parents are remarried, so we're in this situation, too.  His step-father is named John, so he thought it would be cute to be Papa John.  His step-mother is Judy, and she wants to be called Ju-Ju.  Neither scream grandma/grandpa, but we thought it was important to let them be included. 

staryeyes

If Aunt/Uncle worked well for you and your family is obviously already familiar with the concept, using that would be perfect!  I have step-grandparents as well but never even distinguished them with a title...I just always called them "Grandpa and Anne" and "Grandma and Mike", even as a 4 year old.  My mom was of the same opinion as you...these people didn't help raise her (so she's never even considered them step-parents, just her parents' wife/husband) so a title of Grandma/Grandpa wouldn't have been appropriate.

misskassielynn

I only have a step-mom and though she and my dad have been married since I was small and she calls me her daughter, she is not especially great at acting like it so I am not the hugest fan of her. My younger step-sister's kids have already given her a grandma type name. I think it is a dumb sounding name (I won't say it lest someone calls their grandma that and I offend them) so I am ok with my son calling her this stupid name :P. That sounds horrible, oh well! So, in light of that, I think your names sound really nice!

karrizma

I guess my situation is slightly different.  While I don't consider my step dad a father figure in the least (mom remarried when I was 15/16 yrs old) my real dad has not been in the picture for quite some time and was never really all that active in my life to begin with.  I don't know whether or not my LO will meet my father because i haven't had contact with him for over 10 yrs so in all likelihood my step dad is the only grandpa/papa from my side that my LO will ever know.

If my dad and step mom were in the picture, I'm sure I would feel differently.

LTF525

I called my grandfather's wife by her first name growing up for that exact reason. It was always "Papa and Patti". My parents are both remarried so I am in a similar situation. In the case of my step-father, I asked him what he wanted to be called. My mom will be Ya Ya (greek for grandma), so he decided to be Opa (which is german for grandfather). My dad's wife hasn't told me what she wants to be called yet, but I think she'll probably want to be called by her first name.

monkey_pants

I don't think it's negative to call step-grandmothers "Aunt" or step-grandfathers "Uncle" as long as you discuss it with them ahead of time.  All of our parents have had a say in what they'll be called as grandparents.  LO will have two step-grandmothers and I think they'll probably be called "Grandma" plus their first name.  I love my stepmom but she married my dad when I was in college and living 500 miles away so she didn't raise me either.  But I feel that LO will be equally grand-parented by the step-grandparents as she will by the grandparents because they'll be playing that role starting from the beginning with her.  So that's why we're going with "Grandma".

TiffanyTheMom

My stepdad didn't come into my life until I was in high school, but my kids call him Grampa Eric nonetheless. My stepmom was in my life since the early 90's, and they call her Gramma Sue. My mom is Mimi, my dad is just Grampa, DH's mom(s) are Mimae and Gramma M, and DH's grandmother is Gramma Nita.

It works for us. I had a lot of step-grandparents growing up and this is how we worked it. It was better than calling everyone Gramma or Grampa. Gramma Sue is different than Gramma M, Mimi is different than Mimae, Grampa is different than Grampa Eric.

marzipanbunny

My husband's step mother has been around since he was a child and will be called grandma CC.  My parents both remarried in the last 5 years and their new spouses (who I love) will be called by their first names (which is what my niece and nephew already do).

SaraRow

Both of my parents remarried when I was in college and, like yours, the step-parents never had a hand in my upbringing. I call them by their first names. However, my step-dad is already a grandfather and his grandkids call him Papa, so I think we'll probably run with that since I'm pretty close with his kids and grandkids. I haven't talked about it yet with my step-mom but I'm glad I read this thread - it's good to know what others are doing so I can put some options out there.

staceymaria321

Im glad you posted this! I have been wondering the same thing.

My mother passed away when I was 16 and my Dad remarried when I was 21. (Im 31 now) I call my step-mother by her first name and so does my hubby.

I feel the same, i dont want to offend her in any way but didnt know if we should use Grandma or another name. Sometimes she tells me this isnt her real grandson and it hurts me but at the same time I guess I feel she isnt his true grandmother. Its a tough one! 

As for your situation, I think Aunt and Uncle are just fine. Really, it has to be what you are comfortable with. As soon as your baby arrives, Im sure they wont even care what they are called. They will just be so happy to have a little one in the family!

  

ColieM

Yea - this can get confusing. But I think that you should do what is comfortable for your family. 

My mom will not go by grandma because "grandma *****" is the same name as my dad's mom (her ex MIL). So she goes by "Amma".

As far as my dad goes - if he was still married to his second wife - she would just go by her first name. But he is now on his third wife - and I do like her. They were married two weeks before my DD was born. Her grandchildren call her Mema - and that is fine with me because it is nothing like what my mom goes by.

Family is fun!

 

JaneG2011

I had 3 step grandparents growing up.  I called them Nana and Pop and the other I called by her first name because that was what she prefered.  I dont think it matters whether or not they were around to raise your parents... what matters is if they are going to take on the role of grandparent to your LO.  If they want to play that role then why not let them be called what they are comfortable with?

My DH has a stepgrandmother that he calls by her first name... but our LO will call her Granny because that's what her other great grandchildren from her first marriage call her. 

kmh2201

We are in a similar situation on DH's side.  His grandpa is remarried.  There is some tension with his grandpa's wife for various reasons, beginning with the fact that she went after his grandpa as soon as his grandma passed away.  Not to mention that grandpa's wife was previously married to grandpa's nephew.  (Um, hello awkward and weird.)  On top of that, when grandpa got married to this lady, DH's family was told it was a birthday party, while her side knew it was a wedding.  Suffice it to say that was not the way to announce it to DH's family.  And recently she's been acting like a huge B every time we get together as family.

So, given all of that, we are comfortable with our LO's calling this lady by her first name.  While we respect that DH's grandpa wanted to get remarried/not be alone/whatever his reasoning was, we don't feel we have to give this lady an honorary title just because she's married to DH's grandpa.  We want our LO's to understand who their real great-grandparents are/were.  I think if circumstances were different, and we really liked his grandpa's wife, we might feel differently and have the kids call her "aunt" or something.

Temp110085250009077

The whole naming thing with our first just totally sucked. Everyone wanted to pick their own names.

DH's parents are the traditional Grandma and Grandpa.

My mom just had to be different and unique, so she went with Grammie. My step dad was already called Grandaddy (which I'm not fond of) by his own grandkids.

My dad and stepmom just planned on being Grandma and Grandpa *lastname*, until my niece started calling him Papa (easier for a toddler) and my stepmom became Honey (because my niece mimicked what she heard "Papa" calling his wife).

I'll be honest, I think "Honey" is a completely ridiculous and inappropriate name for a grandma-type (she's the step-grandma). But it stuck and now we all have to hear it from the 3 grandkids. I'm hoping as they get older, they'll think it's weird and switch over to Grandma, but I'm not counting on it.

Mrs.Carlybella

My DH's parents are split and his dad remarried when DH was in his early 20's.  However, his step-m, has 2 sons of her own, one of whom has 3 kids- the eldest of which is 13.  They grew up calling FIL pop-pop Jim and step-MIL Grandma Sue.  So that is what our kids will call them.  Since it was already established it would be hurtful to change it- and while DH was never mothered or anything by step-mom, she has been around for years and he doesn't care.  Step-Mil is a grandparent to our kids and will always be, I don't think they will think of her as any less of one b/c they are going to grow up with her around.   I do wonder sometimes how it sits with MIL b/c she has some unresolved feelings-  but she is Grandma-  we asked her what she wanted to be and that was it.   My mom and dad are Nana & Grandpa

I think since the aunt/uncle thing is normal for your family, it fits and works.  Kids follow our lead, and that will be normal for them.