pennynjon

ColindaP

When we created this sub-board so depressingly long ago, we really struggled with what we wanted it to be called, and what its "theme" would be. There was a core group of us who were a mixture of recurrent loss, late loss, and TTTC/IF after loss. Nothing really seemed to capture our particular blend of misery without leaving someone out, or letting too many people in. (Not that we can keep others in or out, I get that, but if someone was on BCP for 4 months after their loss b/c they weren't ready to try again, then weren't pg after 2 cycles, they definitely don't belong here, for example - trying for 2 cycles after a loss ain't no cryin' shame.)

 My personal criteria for this board? If you think your situation really fvcking sucks, and you truly and objectively think that an outside party, upon hearing your reproductive woes, would agree with you that your situation really fvcking sucks, then you belong here. We all think it sucks, no matter where we are. But if you think the majority of the population would hate to be you, if you have lived someone's "worst nightmare," this is the place for you.

This was created to be our refuge, our place to be everywoman's boogeymen without actually being around all those other women who'd hate to be us.

KelinandKevin

FWIW, I think you belong penny.

ColindaP

(And IMO, penny, you belong)

suntoto

What Colinda said.  Based on your introduction below, pennynjon, it doesn't seem that you have actually been trying for all that long. 

FTR, I am truly sorry about your losses. 

pennynjon

suntoto:

What Colinda said.  Based on your introduction below, pennynjon, it doesn't seem that you have actually been trying for all that long. 

FTR, I am truly sorry about your losses. 

Well, I definitely don't agree with that. I found out that I was pregnant in august 2009. I wanted and STILL want my daughter to be here more than anything. I had to wait for months to try again because I had a c section. Actually, I am going to stop there because I don't feel like I have to explain it. Thank you Colinda for your explanation of how/why this group was started. I definitely think my situation stinks.

suntoto

pennynjon:

suntoto:

What Colinda said.  Based on your introduction below, pennynjon, it doesn't seem that you have actually been trying for all that long. 

FTR, I am truly sorry about your losses. 

Well, I definitely don't agree with that. I found out that I was pregnant in august 2009. I wanted and STILL want my daughter to be here more than anything. I had to wait for months to try again because I had a c section. Actually, I am going to stop there because I don't feel like I have to explain it. Thank you Colinda for your explanation of how/why this group was started. I definitely think my situation stinks.

I am sorry you feel hurt.  I get what you are saying and I am sorry for the hell that you have been through.  I think we can all agree that the Universe sucks.  But there is a difference between trying and wanting.  IMO and FWIW, I think we all STILL WANT the babies we lost. Please don't be one of those people who says "oh I carried my baby for XX amount of time and it was longer than you, so I have more right to feel more pain at this loss than you do."  All of our babies died.  All of them were wanted.  It puts us all in a special kind of agony.  But this isn't the pain Olympics.  It is a community of people who have been TRYING for a long time after our loss. 

See, IMO this (NOT the regular TTCAL) board is a place where people have been trying not wanting for a crap long amount of time after their loss.  It is that we all share that one  thing in common, and to be upfront and honest, I don't know if you can really understand it until you have been there (or here depending on your perspective) and get the pain of loss and the hell of TRYING TC for.sooo.long.after a loss.  Also, to be honest, I HOPE you don't have the chance to get to this point of TTCAL.  I am not sure I can quite articulate it, but there is a reason why the green box above this board says says "actively T (as in TRYING) TCAL for 6 months or more, as well as been an active part of the TTCAL community."  I know you have been an active member of the TTCAL community and have been TRYING TCAL, but 1 or 3 month after your loss is, in the whole scheme of things, really not that long to be TTCAL. 

ColindaP

toto, you know I love you, girl, but I could not disagree more with whether or not pennynjon belongs here. Anencephaly followed by an early loss seems pretty supremely sucktacular to me.

suntoto

ColindaP:

toto, you know I love you, girl, but I could not disagree more with whether or not pennynjon belongs here. Anencephaly followed by an early loss seems pretty supremely sucktacular to me.

And I agree that they are VERY sucktacular.  Never said they weren't, but IMO trying and wanting for lengths of time are two completely different things.  Again, it is MO and I don't expect everyone to agree. 

pennynjon

Suntoto, I know it isn't pain olympics. I wish i had never even heard of this group. I wish none of us had to deal with wanting a family and not being able to have ut for whatever reason. I am not comparing my pain to yours. I am saying that you can't try to get pregnant while you are pregnant and you can't try when you haven't been cleared to. I have hoped and prayed for my family since 2009 is all I was saying. That is all I could do. I am not trying to argue with you.

suntoto

I don't want to argue with you either, I just think we have different opinions, which is fine.  We are allowed to agree and disagree.  I do agree that maybe it is best if we leave it as is.  Again, I am so sorry for your losses.  TTCAL is never an easy endeavor. 

ColindaP

It's all different. It all hurts. And I don't think someone who is really hurting right now, and really searching for answers like so many of us, deserves to be told it could be worse.

suntoto

ColindaP:

It's all different. It all hurts. And I don't think someone who is really hurting right now, and really searching for answers like so many of us, deserves to be told it could be worse.

  and where have I done that?  I haven't.  I just think that this board is a place for actively trying +6 mo.  Obviously I am not the only one who thinks that, or the green box above would not say that.   I think actively trying is different than not actively trying, but that is MO.  I don't think you are going to change it by implying things I have not said, Colinda.  I do love you, your wit, and wisdom, but think, at least on this matter, that we won't agree.  Maybe we should just leave it at that, as we are all allowed our opinions.

CarrieLeigh84

All opinions and drama aside (and this is my opinion, for whatever it's worth. I guess I don't have a lot of say here anymore..)

 P&J - I don't see why you wouldn't be welcomed here with open arms. I was right after my c/p. We all were welcomed here for the simple reason that we'd been trying for 6+ (Although in reality it was much longer for most) and had yet to have a successful pregnancy. Your first loss is heartbreaking, and I well know the pain of a second loss after a later loss. It's not fair. The universe takes a big old dump on some of us. All of us, really, because why else would we be here?

 

Colleen, Laura - the important thing to remember here is this. We're a motley crew of IF/TTC/TTCAL/PgAL here. We're here because we love each other, and support each other more than we've done on ANY other board. It's why we left TTCAL regular flavor, right? There's no need to turn this into a "who's loss hurts more" competition. 

ColindaP

CarrieLeigh84:

 

Colleen, Laura - the important thing to remember here is this. We're a motley crew of IF/TTC/TTCAL/PgAL here. We're here because we love each other, and support each other more than we've done on ANY other board. It's why we left TTCAL regular flavor, right? There's no need to turn this into a "who's loss hurts more" competition. 

Word. This was my point. Thank you for expressing it succinctly. 

suntoto

CarrieLeigh84:

Colleen, Laura - the important thing to remember here is this. We're a motley crew of IF/TTC/TTCAL/PgAL here. We're here because we love each other, and support each other more than we've done on ANY other board. It's why we left TTCAL regular flavor, right? There's no need to turn this into a "who's loss hurts more" competition. 

I am going to say this once and then leave this thread entirely.  I, in no way, meant to imply that this is a "pain Olympic" thing.  I just have my opinion and voiced it.  I am truly sorry to pennynjon, if you think that I was trying to do that at all.  I was just voicing my opinion.   I get that we are all hurting-in our own ways, but in truth I do think there is a difference between wanting and actively trying and I am ok if you don't agree.  We are all different and allowed our individual opinions.