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Multiples
i really just need to vent:(
okay so over the new year weekend my mom babysat my girls for the night so my DH and I could throw a new year's/house warming party since we just moved into our new house. We haven't really done anything with our friends since the beginning of september. So my mom drops them off to me in the morning around 10 am. Our friends were still over from the night before so we ordered food and hung all day until about 6pm. My DH's aunt comes over to see the girls and drop off something for us and she asks us if she could have the girls for the night. So in my head i'm like yeah sure i'm not going to pass up another night to sleep the whole night so we pack them up and go and pick up the other pack n play from my mom's and this is where my vent comes in....she told me that i was a "terrible mother and that i push my kids off on everyone else and i never take care of them!" SO NOT TRUE! i'm a stay at home mom so all i do all day everyday is take care of my girls. DH and I haven't had any fun for over 3 months! It's really been bothering me since saturday night i just couldn't believe she said that/thinks that!! i've been ALONE with the girls since they came home from the hospital! i've done almost every night feeding and diaper change BY MYSELF!! (DH works a ton and helps when he can but i let him sleep at night since he has to get up and go to work) they are happy and healthy and growing just like they should be! how am i a bad mother?! then she went on about how DH's aunt is not "fit" to take care of them! i'm pretty sure they're MY kids and i can decide who is fit and who is not! i know how hard it is for me to take care of them sometimes and i'm used to it! i would never leave them with someone who couldn't handle it! ughhh sorry for this being long...what should i do? should i expect an apology or just get over it? 
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Re: i really just need to vent:(
Whoa. Did that come out of left field or is your mom prone to throwing out really hurtful things like that?
Either way, you know it's not true. She was trying to be hurtful for some reason. (Jealous over DH's aunt getting them?)
I'd begin to distance yourself from you mom. She's either unstable or a really toxic person. Neither you nor your girls need to be around that.
This was my first thought. I agree that you should just keep a distance from your mom for a bit. If she comes around and acts like nothing happened, I would probably take the opportunity to let her know that what she said to you really hurt your feelings. If she feels that you pawn your kids off on people "all the time," then she shouldn't be lined up to take them for a night.
Yes she is one of those people that will just throw rude comments like that around...we've never had a close relationship she used to be addicted to RX pain killers and she says she's been sober for over a year now. she doesn't like DH's aunt because she called her out when my mom stole a bottle of RX pain killers from her and everyone gets mad when i let DH's aunt watch my girls. (everyone being my mom and grandparents) i really do believe that she did steal them because she's done things like that in past. and DH's aunt isn't the kind of person to just say things like that for the hell of it. I've tried to distance myself from her DH and I used to live over 600 miles away but when he got out of the air force we came back home and now we only like 20 minutes or so from our entire family.
My grandparents are always pressuring me to have a relationship with her because they believe honor your parents and all that junk and i just don't believe that. when i was in high school she used to call me ugly and fat everyday before i left for school and things of that nature. she's not mentally stable and i know this. I love my girls to death and i don't want to "choose" who they have a relationship with i don't want people to point fingers at me and say "the girls don't like me because you made them not like me" i just don't want that kind of dirt on my hands i guess...i'll be 22 next month i'm not really sure how to go about handling things like this i just know my children come first. And thank you for the advice i greatly appreciate it:)
You DO get to choose who they have a relationship with - that's why you're the mom! It's ok to cut toxic people out, even if they're related.
Given what you say about about her treatment of you, and the fact that she steals painkillers, I'm not sure why you A) let her watch your kids (is she high when doing so?) or
care what she thinks about your parenting.
I mean, I do get why you care. She's your mother. BUT, she's not really a very nice person. If anyone else had said those things to you, you'd likely blow everything else they say off too, right? If a friend said these things, you'd cut of contact and cease your friendship, right?
As for your grandparents, it's ok to politely tell them that your relationship with your mother is none of their business, and that it's not up for discussion.
When it comes to parenting, you will make hard choices. You will likely make people angry with some of them, and hurt people with others. That doesn't change the fact that it's up to YOU to do what's in the best interest of your kids, regardless of what other people think. As they get older, they can make their own choices about who to have a relationship with. At that time, you'll also be able to explain to them some of your reasoning for making the choices you did/do.
It's a hard position to be in. My mom and I have had a very rocky relationship since DD1 was born. It's only now started to get better, because I've had to A) grow a back bone, and
realize that it's ok to make her mad/upset/hurt, because I can't control her reactions. I can only control mine.
No, she is not high when she watches my girls...and it's not just her there her boyfriend who has children of his own is there and he's capable of handling anything if something was to go wrong. ( i honestly don't understand why he's with her. he's such a nice guy) and my teenage brother is there and he knows how she is and he knows our relationship pretty much sucks so he would call me if something was wrong. I let her watch them because i was trying to be nice and let her spend time with them. i haven't noticed her acting "high" for a while. the stealing thing happend 8 months ago and i really don't know exactly what happened it was one of those he said she said things and i just believe DH's aunt over my mom. The reason i don't want to "choose" who they have a relationship has to do with my dad. When he left my mom when i was 13 she painted him to be this aweful, terrible, person and as i got older i realized why he did what he did and by the time i wanted to have a relationship with him again it was too late. i don't want to do that to my kids. But, she really is just a flat out mean person. She even told me that she loves my children more than i do! i couldn't believe that especially since she is a mother. My mom wasn't always like this i don't really know what happened to her head over the past 10 years i think a lot of it has to do with the divorce but i don't know. How do you go about cutting someone out of your life especially your parent?? seems like it's difficult
It's great that there are other people there. I wasn't trying to insinuate that you are putting your girls in harms way. I was simply wondering the thought process, since you said that she says she's sober but you aren't convinced.
The difference between what she chose for you, and what you're choosing for them, is multi-faceted, I think. First, he was your dad. That's a vastly different role than a grandparent. Second, you seem to understand that she was painting a picture - the one she wanted you to see. You can choose to react differently with your kids in this. What I mean is, you don't have to paint her to be an awful person (even though she's incredibly mean). You don't really have to tell your kids anything, honestly, at least not until they're old enough to understand. If they don't know any different, they probably won't question why you don't see/talk to grandma much (if at all). When they're old enough (I'm envisioning teenage years, here), and if they ask, you can explain to them that she said very hurtful and mean things to you at every visit, so you felt it best to limit contact.
It's not a healthy environment for you, it sounds like. Nor is it healthy for them to see you treated this way. It might give them the wrong idea about healthy relationships and how we treat people.