Help! Husband won't even discuss names till birth...

kbeeb

Today is my due date...i don't know how i even let it get this far without looking for advice. I love to have things organized and plans, and need to see all my options before making a decision, so i of course have been looking at baby names for months now. my Husband though absolutely refused to make a list of potential names with me though. He insists that he will "just know" that baby's name when he hold him/her the first time. This is totally stressing me out. I am i worried that i won't remember some of the names i like and will only remember them after the fact and wish i had used them. Also, and more stressing, he can be very stubborn at times, and one of the only things that we have ever really strongly disagreed about using his mothers name for our baby if its a girl. We discussed it before we were even pregnant, and it caused a really big fight. He loves the name because it is unique (Neva), and i'm sue because he also wants to honor her...i HATE the name, and always have. i don't think its pretty, and i have a fairly stressed relationship with my MIL anyway...she only lives 15 min away, and can be very overbearing, and petty as it may be, i don't want to give her that extra bit of power that she would feel from having the baby named after her (and i REALLY just dont like the name!)...i am worried that Hubby will be holding our daughter (if its a girl) and will insist that Neva is her name...What can i do to ensure this doesn't happen, and to maybe make him see sense and at least come up with a few potential names that he likes before baby arrives?

Sorry for the long rant...Any advice would be appreciated... 

CactusGirl

I am hoping that you have a list of potential names in mind, that way when the baby comes out you can discuss those and choose one of them with your husband.

And, if your husband insists on Neva, just tell him that "she really doesn't look like a Neva at all". I mean, if he wants to see the baby first before picking names, then this excuse totally works.

MrsFinn810

Write down all of the names you like and take the list to the hospital with you. If you husband absolutely insists on naming LO after his mom, maybe Neva could be the MN. Or you could use MIL's MN instead. GL!

beenbizzy

Both comments here are totally legit.  Get your list (however short or long) and put it into your hospital bag now.  If you hate the name, or the reasoning behind the name, pull the "she doesn't look like a Neva" card.  Is her MN an option?  Or even an option of middle name? 

Maybe it will be a boy...  

Epiphany27

Send hubby off to get lunch while you sign the birth certificate JK

Your husband sounds like a butt. I would try to think of a FN that you will suddenly say she looks like, and use Neva as a middle name. Find names you love on your own if he won't discuss it, and remember them in the haze after birth. GL

FWIW there have absolutely been children that went a day or even longer after birth nameless. It could be a funny story to tell your kid, they went nameless because they were so unique

Emiliana7

Epiphany27:

Send hubby off to get lunch while you sign the birth certificate JK

Your husband sounds like a butt. I would try to think of a FN that you will suddenly say she looks like, and use Neva as a middle name. Find names you love on your own if he won't discuss it, and remember them in the haze after birth. GL

FWIW there have absolutely been children that went a day or even longer after birth nameless. It could be a funny story to tell your kid, they went nameless because they were so unique

Or be funnier to tell them that they went nameless because their dad is an @$$! haha!

Make your list and put it in your bag. That way you won't forget the names you wanted. You both need to agree on the name- however if he is insistant on the horrid name of his mother- then say no sorry- not happening, and name her something you like. The baby is coming out of you so IMHO I think you have ultimate veto power.

If my DH even suggested we use his mom's name- either as FN or MN he knows he would have gotten 'the look' and not even a verbal response because he'd know it was discussed before and it would be off the table.

Sounds like wht he is going to do is to wait to see  and if it is a girl to say oh her name is Neva! You need to jump in and say oh hell no. And if at all possible make it known to someone else who's gonna be there that that name IS NOT to be used. Heaven forbid something happens and you are not fully aware/awake when the stats person comes or calls for the name and Husband 'gets it by you'

 

simplejude

Ditto PP. Make a list of all the names you like. Put it in your bag so that you have it at the hospital. Don't let hubby just take right over and name your baby. You are the mother and you have a say. Just tell him "I dont think she looks like a Neva at all, and I am really not fond of the name either." I would never name my child after my MIL, for the same reasons that you listed.

saham07

I WOULD NOT name my baby a name that I do not like..........but your husband does like the name. (Or he is still trying to please his mom every chance he gets). I WOULD concider it for the middle name because then it is USED. Then it won't be an issue down the road and maybe you have made "some" peace with your MIL. Really you will have won this one "secrectly"

Nanna

Stand your ground on this.  Put a list of the names you like or would consider in your bag, and don't let ANYONE pressure you to name your child until you are completely comfortable with the choice.  Our son was nameless for 2 days while we decided on his name.  We had a list of contenders but none of them ended up being a good fit for him so we had to start back at square one!  But, we ultimately picked (ironically enough, a name that my name-hesitant DH ended up suggesting) the perfect name, and you will too.

starlight8323

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!

He's probably refusing to talk names because he thinks you may still give in on Neva (shudder). Be up front with him and tell him that you are not going to give in, and that you feel your daughter should have her own identity, and therefore you want to give her her own name.

Then tell him that you've put off talking about names long enough. The time is now! 

Then tell him that you want to pick something that you both like, but you will pick something on your own if you have to. Remember, they give the birth certificate to the mother of the baby to fill out. Maybe then he will help you go through some names with you. If it feels overwhelming for him, just go through the Top 100 on the Social Security Administration Popularity List at first. Print out two copies of the list, and both of you go through and mark which ones you like best. This will help you find common ground quickly, and will give you something to work off of.

If you don't find something you both like on the Top 100, move on to just the next 100, and so on. Try to be as positive as you can, and make it fun for him, rather than looking at it like a long task that you have to work through.

To find the SSA Popularity list, CLICK HERE. Good luck!

metzy144

Epiphany27:

Send hubby off to get lunch while you sign the birth certificate JK

Your husband sounds like a butt. I would try to think of a FN that you will suddenly say she looks like, and use Neva as a middle name. Find names you love on your own if he won't discuss it, and remember them in the haze after birth. GL

FWIW there have absolutely been children that went a day or even longer after birth nameless. It could be a funny story to tell your kid, they went nameless because they were so unique

this. good luck