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Am I over reacting?

ewilliams1127ewilliams1127 member
in TTC After a Loss
So I get a FB invite to a baby shower for an old neighbor that I really wasn't that tight with.  The friend giving the shower (neighbor) knows about the m/c and has been through a really rough ttc part of her life so I thought she would understand.  So, that being said I politely declined attending the shower stating I was busy.  She then sends me a message stating I really needed to come it would be fun and she is providing "free drinks."  I told her again, "Thanks, but I can't."  Then today when I got home I found an invitation in my door stating she is expecting a boy and would love it if I could come.  SERIOUSLY!  I just m/c 10 days ago!  So I finally send a FB message that said, "I really can't face a baby shower at this point in my life.  I hope ____ understands, but I am in no place to buy baby stuff or attend a shower celebrating a baby.  I'm sorry, but I'm not coming."  Am I over reacting to this?  Am I being over sensitive?  I just can't even fathom going to a baby shower right now!
12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
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Re: Am I over reacting?

  • PachitaPachita member
    Hell no you're not overreacting!  Seriously, I'm a little shocked that they are so persistent that you go to the shower.  WTH!  You decline once, and that's it. 
    What is up with them?

    BFP#1: 7/14/10.  EDD: 3/19/11--MMC-- D&C 9/2/10.
    BFP#2: 12:22/10.EDD: 8/30/11 C/P 12/25/10
    BFP#3: 10/26/11 EDD: 7/2/12-- Daniel born 7/14/12. My rainbow baby!                                                                                                                                           BFP #4:  2.22/15 EDD: 11/4/15 C/P 2/28/15                                                                                                                                                                                      BFP #5:  4/5/15   EDD 12/11/15 (Ectopic Pregnancy)

    BFP #6: 3/2/16 EDD 11/5/16
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  • hbarbourhbarbour
    Uhmmm...no. No you are not overreacting. Your neighbor is acting completely out of line. A decline is a decline and that shouldn't be any further discussion. My hat is off to you for being strong and spelling it out for her. So sorry you had to go there. Big hugs! 
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  • BlondeBride82BlondeBride82 member

    first off im so sorry for ur loss

    wow...  i would be upset too. i think they were trying to make u feel better but they really need to learn when no thanks means No

    ((HUGS))

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  • opalloveropallover
    oh HONEY. You are not overreacting. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
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  • emeraudecephiroemeraudecephiro member

    (Just for Autumn...she loves the O'ing surprised cat) 

    image GIFSoup

    Oh no she di'nt!

    Hell to the no you're not overreacting, you were pretty nice about it, I don't blame you.  

    Some people are dumb and don't understand... Wow.... I'm so sorry my dear they are full of stupid. *big big hug*  

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  • npilcher506npilcher506
    Not over reacting. I would say you handled it quite well. I am also sorry for your loss!
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  • ewilliams1127ewilliams1127 member
    imageemeraudecephiro:

    (Just for Autumn...she loves the O'ing surprised cat) 

    image GIFSoup

    Oh no she di'nt!

    Hell to the no you're not overreacting, you were pretty nice about it, I don't blame you.  

    Some people are dumb and don't understand... Wow.... I'm so sorry my dear they are full of stupid. *big big hug*  

     

    LMAO! Thanks!  I really needed that!  I appreciate the feedback!  The last week and a half my emotions are all over and I thought I was taking this too personally!  Thanks girls!

    12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
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  • lotus88lotus88 member
    Not at all! I think you handled it completely appropriately. I almost threw up at Babies R Us, two or three weeks after mine. It was bad. You know when and what you're ready for. Don't let others pressure you. And don't feel an even an oz bad about it.
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  • LilMaggsLilMaggs member
    imageemeraudecephiro:

    (Just for Autumn...she loves the O'ing surprised cat) 

    image GIFSoup

    Oh no she di'nt!

    Hell to the no you're not overreacting, you were pretty nice about it, I don't blame you.  

    Some people are dumb and don't understand... Wow.... I'm so sorry my dear they are full of stupid. *big big hug*  

    This!  Your neighbor needs to understand that a decline is a decline, end of story.  It is an incredibly rude hostess who pushes the issue.  If she's this big of a PITA now, imagine how she'd be if you went! 

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  • clausekaclauseka member
    First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.  You are absolutely NOT overreacting!  If you're not ready, you're not ready.  Nobody should be able to guilt you into going or push as hard as this woman is pushing.  Seriously, I think I would be pissed under any circumstances if I said I couldn't go to an event and someone continued to harass me about it.  Take the time you need.  I wish you all good things in 2011!
    TTC in May 2009.
    M/C July 2009.
    BFP #2 6/1/11(1st cycle on Clomid)
    Norah Lynn was born on 2/3/2012
    TTC again January 2014


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  • BabyTrippinBabyTrippin member
    No, you are not over reacting!  And it is the height of rudeness to keep badgering someone to attend anything after they have declined.  I don't care if you reason was you might have to poop that day.  What a twatwaffle!
    Gena dx PCOS 1997 BFP 2/12/10, mmc discovered at 10w6d/d&c 11w3d
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  • emeraudecephiroemeraudecephiro member

    I think they are bordering on douche canoes, BabyTrippin...lol

     I am glad the cat made you smile, he's awesome like that.

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  • BabyTrippinBabyTrippin member
    imageemeraudecephiro:

    I think they are bordering on douche canoes, BabyTrippin...lol

     I am glad the cat made you smile, he's awesome like that.

    Like this?

    image 

    Gena dx PCOS 1997 BFP 2/12/10, mmc discovered at 10w6d/d&c 11w3d
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  • cutebride73cutebride73 member
    You are not over reacting at all!!  I can't believe that she wouldn't take no for an answer.  What the heck?!  It's not her place to be harrassing people to come to this shower.  Sounds like no everyone is rsvp-ing no and she is desperate for people to come.  No matter, it is rude of her to have put you in that position.  It is not you AT ALL.  (((hugs))) 
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  • CashewsMommyCashewsMommy member
    Oh hun. You are not overreacting at all!! The hostess is completely out of line by trying to force you to go. I'm so sorry you have to deal with a twatwaffle like that.


    BFP#1 {Cashew} - 9.19.09 EDD 5.26.10
    The day you first lay in my arms, you made my life complete.
    Aurora Rose born sleeping at 35w on 4-21-10
     BFP#2 {Almond} - 2.1.11 EDD 10.12.11 C/P 2.11.11

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  • SheriBTSheriBT member
    Not in the slightest!  Sorry she was so persistent.  She needs a lesson in compassion.
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  • ewilliams1127ewilliams1127 member
    imageBabyTrippin:
    imageemeraudecephiro:

    I think they are bordering on douche canoes, BabyTrippin...lol

     I am glad the cat made you smile, he's awesome like that.

    Like this?

    image 

     

    I <3 you! 

    12/13/10 BFP 12/23/10 Miscarriage 3/6/11 BFP EDD 11/09/11 11/03/11 C-Section at 39w1d for failure to progress on induction for HBP and GD Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPic Cincinnati Reds Pictures, Images and Photos image ~~~~~Everyone Welcome PgAL/PAL~~~~~~
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  • TapatioTapatio
    Nope. You are not overreacting. Why can't that idiot take a hint?
    Natural MCs 2/4/09, 8/22/09 & 4/7/10
    Dx with Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome (APS)
    BFP #4 5/14/12
    5/17/12...1st Betas- 176, P4 3.6
    5/22/12...2nd Betas- 207, P4 6.1 (MC confirmed)
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  • TLizzyTLizzy

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I think your friends are being rude and insensitive to your feelings. Please do not feel bad about declining the invitation.

    TTC #1 since 6/10 BFP #1: 8/10, ectopic pregnancy BFP #2: 6/6/11, EDD 2/14/12, DS born 2/8/12 via c-section Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • emmeelouemmeelou member
    You are certainly NOT overreacting, and that chick was/is way out of line.  I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  • CaroleeCarolee member
    You are not overreacting at all!  I cannot believe she had the nerve to continue to pester you after you had politely declined.  I am so sorry you had to go through that, and I am very sorry for your loss.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • NY-allieNY-allie
    You are not overreacting, in fact you've had a lot more patience than I would have had.  <Hugs>
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  • shoefreak85shoefreak85
    No, you're not over reacting! I would have done the exact same thing!  The first shower I went to after my loss was at least a month later and it was for a friend who had struggled ttc.  It was still very difficult.  Why are these people being so pushy??
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    "'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" Isaiah 55:8-9
    BFP #1 7/4/2010--Natural M/C 8/4/2010
    BFP #2 4/25/2011 Please stick, baby!! EDD 1/1/2012
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  • rock-ellerock-elle member
    Oh hon, I think its too soon also and you should be persistent as you politely decline their invitation.
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  • Rawr08Rawr08
    You are not over reacting!  It has been almost 3 years since my loss and I still can't go to baby showers.  I am sorry they don't seem to understand you just lost a child.  Sending you love.
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  • jerryliljessjerryliljess member

    Your neighbor is in the wrong and you weren't overreacting at all.  She should have understood that you were declining to go to the shower and let it be.  ((hugs))

    5/16/2005: M/C at 7 wks
    5/3/2010: MM/C at 7 wks 6 days
    5/25/2014: CP at 4 wks 3 days

    Because of the great "Snow"vember of 2015, my medicated cycle was cancelled.  However, we were blessed with our little rainbow baby due on 8/14/15!  Baby J had other plans and decided to make his grand ole entrance on 7/4/2015!

    Surprise!  Our little girl entered this world on 12/8/2016 after her eviction notice was long past due.  Our little turkey baby turned into a snow baby!  

                                                        
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  • butterfly843butterfly843
    ((hugs)) you aren't overreacting. Your neighbor is out of line and so insensitive.

    Jenn

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    IVF#1 BFN IVF#2 BFP, loss at 19 weeks FET#1 BFN IVF#3 BFP, m/c FET#2 BFN

    Missing our twins Zachary and Madison, lost at 19 weeks on 11/13/09, edd 4/9/10

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  • Nicks10Nicks10
    No, you're not overreacting.  This is the time when you need to be focusing on what you need for your own healing, not on what others want from you, and they need to respect that.  And I hate when people are pushy about parties, you said no, jeesh, she should have let it go, not harassed you with 3 more invitations. I hope she gets it now and lets it go and is more understanding in the future.
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  • blueberries8blueberries8 member
    Not overreacting at all, and WOW, that chick is both dense and insensitive...she should have taken a clue the first 10 times you said you were busy. I am so sorry.
    IUIs #1-3 (1x unmedicated, 2x Clomid) = 2 BFNs, 1 m/c at 7w3d
    IUIs #4-6 (injects) = 3 BFNs
    IVF #1 = BFN
    FET #1 = BFN
    FET #2 = BFN
    IVF #2 = BFP, b/g twins lost at 20w due to partial abruption/PPROM
    IVF #3 = c/p 5w2d
    Long-shot Clomid/Prednisone cycle before next IVF = BFP, our beautiful, healthy girl born 6/26/13!
    ~~
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  • WassygirlWassygirl
    that is ridiculous! the person who the shower is for would probably be mortified if she knew her friend was acting that way. sorry you have to deal with that.
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  • bella213bella213 member
    I am so sorry for your loss. You are not overreacting at all!  She sounds incredibly dense! 
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  • ColleenS629ColleenS629 member
    After three invitations when you said no to the first two? You are most certainly not overreacting. In fact, I think I would have been a lot more harsh in the last message if it were me. That is just so rude and insensitive.
    m/c 7/17/10
    Dx: MFI- 3% morph
    IUIs: Gonal-F + Ovidrel + b2b IUI= BFNs
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    3/18- Beta #1 452! 3/20- Beta #2 1,026!! 3/27- First u/s- TWINS!
    Our twin boys arrived at 36w5d due to IUGR and a growth discordance

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    Transferred a 6BB hatched blastocyst- genetically normal female embryo
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  • julesjbjulesjb member
    Def not over reacting, I feel like slapping your neighbor!
    BFP #1 6/18/10 Saw HB 7/15/10 Missed M/C 8/17/10 @ 12 weeks 2 days- 2 D&C's( 8/20 and 8/26) BFP#2 11/21/10 Nonviable at 5wks, possible ectopic. Methotrexate 12/3/10&12/9/10 BFP#3 3/10/11 Beta@12dpo 39 Beta@14dpo 160! 21 DPO 2439 HB at 7wks 127 EDD 11/17/11
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  • jertiejertie member
    Nope, not overreacting at all.  Why the hell are they being so persistent???  They know what happened to you and then they keep asking??  Maybe she doesn't have any friends and they just need rear-ends in the seats.  I don't care - it's completely insensitive of them to constantly keep bugging you.  Even if it was an invite to a wedding shower or something else - no means no.

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