What are your computer/TV/texting rules?

StrawberryAlarmClock

Hi from the 9-12 board. This is obviously a long way off for DH and me, but over Christmas, I was so disappointed to see my teenage nieces and nephews disappear into technology oblivion instead of socializing with the family. A cousin told me, "start making rules about TV and video games now, I wish we had." It smacked of, "it's too late for us, save yourselves!!" but I still took the advice and DH and I discussed it. How DO you convince a kid that real baseball is cooler than PS3 baseball? Or that the people in the room with you are more important right now than the 378 "friends" on Facebook??

DandelionMom

I don't have teens yet so I'm not sure how things might change when we do but for now the girls (4, 7, and 10) can only play the wii at family gatherings if everyone else is playing too.  And we don't turn on the tv unless the kids are getting tired or too wound up and we need some "quiet time." 

For everyday rules: all homework and studying needs to be completed before using the compter/tv/wii/ds.  And we limit all screen time to not more than 2 hours total per day (unless they're sick, then the rules go out the window). 

ETA: I just realized that oldest DD played video games today during a family gathering but that was because it was her birthday and she'd just opened the DS.  But I'm pretty sure DD knows that won't be the norm!  

mhwood

My daughter is 14 and she has 1 hour of "technology time" per day....that's it.  She can use it in any combination she wants between games, internet and television. 

neverblushed

I think auntie gave you some good "veteran parent" advice.  The important thing (which you're already doing) is to know your limits and to feel comfortable/confident laying down the law in your home.

My kids are 6 and 10, and screen/tech time is certainly one of the major challenges we deal with in our family.  Here's how DH and I handle things with our school-aged kids:

--TV:  DH and I rarely watch TV, so the kids have no choice but to follow suit.  We don't even have cable.  So TV isn't an issue much at our house.

--Video Games:  We have a PS2 and a Wii, and the kids both have a Nintendo DS.  I like video games, and I play a lot with the kids.  We don't allow the kids to play video games during the week at all.  From Friday after school until dinner is their time for video games.  They can play on Saturday and Sunday afternoons if we're home.  They manage to get about 10 hours a week of gaming time this way, which is certainly enough.

--Computer:  We have avoided buying DD a computer for her room, even though 5th grade friends are starting to have their own computers.  We have a desktop PC in our living room plus a laptop.  Right now, there's no reason for her to have her own computer.  She has an email account, but is not on FB and isn't interested yet.  She plays some games on kid websites where she needs a login and an avatar, but I have access to everything.

--Phone/Text:  She does not have or need a phone yet, although 5th grade schoolmates are starting to have them.  DH and I will probably start her on a "firefly" or similar type of phone that allows her to call only about 10 different numbers and does not have texting.  Her circumstances and need for a phone will determine when we get her one, not her desire to text with friends.  Eventually, we'll get her a cell phone, but we're going to make it a reward or a privilege, and not rush to give her one "just because."

--Other Devices:  She asked for an iPod Touch for Christmas, but we were not okay with our 10 year old having wireless access to the internet that she can hold in her pocket.  We got her an MP3 player instead, and she was pretty happy to have it. 

When we have family gatherings, we don't allow anyone to play the console games, because they're right in our family room where everyone else is trying to talk/visit.  I have no qualms about asking our kids, their cousins, and guest kids (who range in age from 5 to 19) to put away their games and phones during meals or if we're opening gifts or doing something as a group.  If everyone is just hanging out, I don't care if the younger kids play DS or the teenagers text with their friends.  I remember being that age and "stuck" at a family gathering where I didn't want to "play" with the kids, but wasn't old enough to hang with the adults either.

StrawberryAlarmClock

This is all great advice from parents who have have worked out the kinks and have written and re-written rules to parallel their children's ever-changing mentality/maturity/society, etc. It seems like the common theme here is priorities. Is homework done? Is it Family Time? Are you being a good host? These are all great life lessons and social skills everyone needs. The times, they certainly are achangin', aren't they? Teens have a whole new concept of what is public vs private, what constitutes socializing, when/"where" to "meet up" (cyberspace or friend's house). Thanks for your battle-tested strategies. We will certainly implement policies in line with what you are sharing and make a genuine effort to be at least somewhat in tune with the times. I like to fancy myself a sliver more hip than the next 30-year-old solely because I teach high school and the kids are more than willing to keep me in the loop about who is in style, where/how to get in trouble on the Internet, what clothing/image/music has hidden communication and what is just ::shrug:: the style. So, here's hoping that when DS starts to explore the world of technology, I can bring a laundry list of questions to work with me and get some feedback from the Ruling Generation...since they really do control the tide, don't they?

neverblushed

-auntie-:

[

You might want to rethink your stance going forward. A lot of younger parents (you under 40 whippersnappers) who grew up with cell phones as an iconic luxury/reward don't realize they are actually a convenience for the parent, not the child. You'd be hard pressed to find a public phone in many communities, harder pressed to find a teen who could operate one.

Once your child is out in the community, at around middle school, everything changes. You may need the security of being able to contact your child if you are late to collect her from a sports practice or afterschool activity or for her to call you if she needs to be picked up from a place where she doesn't feel safe- i.e. kids doing things she doesn't feel comfortable doing. I'd let the texting stand because that's how kids communicate- it's what the Princess Phone was to me. If she's not texting she could end up out of the loop and because there are times when a kid might need to text you. FWIW, DS texts me a lot. Sometimes he needs to share a band schedule change or to ask me to pick up something he needs for school. But sometimes it's just to share some random event with me; you don't want to miss that.

And please reconsider the Firefly which is marketed to a much younger audience than your DD will be when you will want her to have a cell. Nothing says dorkwad quite like a Firefly.  

Just an FYI -- I'll be 42 in a few weeks, and I certainly approach cell phones as a convenience item more than a social tool!  I am not part of the generation that has pretty much had a cell phone in hand their whole adult lives. 

I think I'm actually closer to your expressed stance on cell phones and texting than you are assuming.  DH and I are figuring that the increased freedom and responsibility of the middle school environment (and the need to be able to call home about transportation, activities, etc) is probably the right time for a phone. That's next year, and my DD will still be 10 when the school year starts.  Although she'll be in 6th grade, she'll likely still be more "tween" than "teen" socially and emotionally for a while.  So the Firefly might not be as inappropriate for our particular situation as you're suggesting. 

I teach high school and middle school, so I'm pretty sensitive to the "dorkwad" factor for kids, and I'm pretty aware of the range of technology that middle school kids are "packing" these days. And, believe me -- there's a wide range!   I gave the firefly as an example, not as an idea I'm mentally married to. Clearly, we'll explore the whole range of options when the time comes.  The point I'm trying to make is that practical reasons will dictate our decision about this technology rather than "everyone else has one" or "I really, really want one" or "well, you're a teenager now, so I guess we have to get you one of these."

EJensify

Our kids are a bit younger, no cell phones or unsupervised computer time. We've got 5, 7, and 9. We turn the TV on between dinner and bed time, while they take turns showering and getting ready for bed, and we do the normal weekend morning cartoon routine while DH and I get the house cleaned up.

They can use the computer for 30 minutes a day, but I have very strict parental controls set on it. 

ValAndRyan

My son is 11 and I've tried different rules with him. Sometimes I get laxed, I'll admit but here is the general rules:

- Cell Phone: He does have a cell phone and he got it the summer before going into 6th grade. Two reasons he got one: he was going to be a big brother so sort of like a privilege and I wouldn't be able to just leave my house to go find him with a baby while he was playing with friends and he was walking to and from school so that was a safety thing for me. Our rule with the phone was that he was allowed to pick his own out but it doesn't have any internet connection. He does have messaging capabilities but he knows that we take the phone whenever we want to look at all his messages and we can phone the company to get a listing of all his messages too.

- TV: This is my downfall. He does watch more than he should (not by too much though). it is after everything is done. I've again re-upped the rules to no tv during the week but he can watch discovery or history when everything is done. He is out playing a lot on weekends so I don't have to worry too much but I do monitor and it's not for too long he sits and watches tv.

- PS3: He is not allowed to play this during the week and he does play on the weekends and it's only two hours at the most a day. Family functions I don't worry about. 

- IPOD: he has an IPod - the older version - not like a touch or anything. He loves listening to his music, especially pumping up for a game. 

There is no tv in his room; he doesn't have his own computer and there is no need for him to have one. We have a laptop that the family uses so I just monitor him when he does go online.

He has chores to do every week and of course his homework. When one of those slips, a privilege gets taken away - usually the PS because he loves that the most. 

Oh and absolutely no one is allowed to use their cell phone during dinnertime - even if you are a guest in my home. I even took away my BIL's cell once. I honestly just find it really rude - unless there is an emergency.

blueshirt2003

I don't have teens and my oldest is almost 7. He doesn't really play his DS anywhere but when we go to my parents he'll ask if he can play their Wii. If we are visiting with other friends/family we usually say no unless several people are going to play. So, he's not off in his own world playing but several people are playing and what not. It's rare that he wants to play the Wii anyways though. And thank goodness cell phone years are a long way from now!

AGmomof3

I have a 7year old and a 10 year old

I'm a rather strict mom - no tv on school nights (except Sunday night), approved tv on weekends only.  Never, ever a tv in the kids rooms-bad idea on so many levels.  As a teacher, I've seen exhausted kids that were up half the night watching the tv in their rooms!  Not to mention unmonitored tv - yikes!

No personal cell phones yet.  My kids go to school with me so there is no need for cell phones.  Perhaps in high school, but then we'll see about the rules.  My SIL blocked texting from her kids' phones. . . 

Video games - well the ds is for long car rides and used as a reward - you can play it on the weekend IF you got 90% or better on your spelling test. . .

They do take their ds to visit with cousins because they all have a ds too and play together with them.  Not allowed at the other side though.

The wii is fine if homework is done - it's physical and my kids never use it that much anyway.

The computer - we're working on that.  My 10 year old is taking advantage of it a little too much lately - see loves club penguin.  We'll see - it's an ever changing thing!