Friend Just had twin preemies..

tommygrl820

Hi Ladies,

I thought this was the best place to come to ask for a little advice. A good friend of ours had her twin girls last night at 29w. They weigh 2.11oz & 2.6oz. They are expected to remain in the NICU until at least March.

I want to help them, but I don't want to intrude or overstep. Can some of you please share what people did for you during such a hard time that you felt was most helpful? Visits, cooking for them, specific items that most helped your children? I will do anything.

I think you stories are just so inspirational. You are all such amazing mothers and I thank you in advance for any help you can offer.

Happy New year,

Lilystar82

I just had our babies a week ago, but once I was discharged from the hospital the most helpful thing has been meals. We spend so much of our day going back and forth that we are just exhausted when we get home. It has been so wonderful to have frozen meals that we can just throw in the microwave, eat and go to bed Another really helpful item was a simple gift card to Dunkin' Donuts. We get a quick coffee and bagel on our way every morning. We have been truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family supporting us. Sending t&p's to your friend and her babies.

tommygrl820

Thank you very much for your thoughtful response. Bst of luck to you and your family.

ayram

Lilystar82:

I just had our babies a week ago, but once I was discharged from the hospital the most helpful thing has been meals. We spend so much of our day going back and forth that we are just exhausted when we get home. It has been so wonderful to have frozen meals that we can just throw in the microwave, eat and go to bed Another really helpful item was a simple gift card to Dunkin' Donuts. We get a quick coffee and bagel on our way every morning. We have been truly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family supporting us. Sending t&Damp;p's to your friend and her babies.

Ditto all this!!  Very thoughtful of you!

ayram

 

ayram

ETA Sorry for the multiple responses

luvdv8

Gift cards for restaurants around the hospital is a good idea so they can pop out and grab some lunch- or if their hospital has a chain restaurant in lieu of a cafeteria then it's nice to be able to grab something. If they live far from the NICU then gas cards are also nice- back and forth every day can get to be pricey.

tSquared1987

I agree with all of the above. We lived an hour and ten minutes (with good weather and good traffic) away from the NICU so gas cards were a HUGE help.

So were meals. We were SO tired all the time and cooking was just not possible so meals were a huge help to us.

My best friend was a lifesaver. One day when I was at the NICU with the boys, I came home and she had came and cleaned my whole house, did the dishes, laundry, and made us dinner. I broke down in tears I was so thankful.

angelynn8411

I agree...making meals or providing gift cards for restaurants, gas stations, starbucks, etc. Or packing little snacks like granola bars or trail mix that they can eat quickly.

 Preemie clothes are a good idea. I needed them and didn't have a chance to go buy any so a friend of mine brought me some and had already washed them for me!

Maybe a nursing tank or 2 if needed.

If you know anyone that crochets, it was so sweet to have personal things for her like homemade hats and blankets.

Also, I agree with the PP about cleaning their house! my friend cleaned ours the day before we came home and it was such a lifesaver! the greatest gift imaginable

witt0198

Honestly I could have used help with so much, surviving was just overwelming in itself. The problem was aranging things, or even calling to ask for the help sometimes was also too much to think about. My flower bed didn't get touched (lost a few), We had tree's cut down and left them there all summer. We hired a woman to come and help clean the house because we couldn't keep up, we really couldn't afford to do so, but we really needed the help. I like all the suggestions above, but I'd also say offer to do some things that are in your means to do, and just see what she takes you up on. I tended to cacoon myself from the world to, so if you don't get a call back, try again in a few days.

dulcinea03

The 2 weeks that my girls were in the NICU was purely survival. We were home long enough to sleep, shower, toss food at our cats, and go back to the NICU. Food was the #1 thing that would have been helpful to us- everyone who said they'd bring us food decided to wait until the girls were actually home, and we really could have used it when they were in the NICU as we weren't home and didn't have the energy to cook.

 One thing that my BFF did that was AWESOME was after I'd been home for nearly a week, she called me and told me to have my laundry together at 8am before we left for the hospital. She came, picked it up, and when we got home that night I came home to 3 baskets of clean, folded clothes that I only had to put away. It was just what we needed as we were starting to get overwhelmed with laundry but weren't home to do anything about it.

 

laurenbug

Ditto all of the above suggestions...but here's another idea (my situation was a bit different, though).  I had C on Wednesday night, via c-section.  I was officially discharged from the hospital Saturday morning, but the hospital had a program where I could stay in my room at no charge (but with no "amenities") until C was discharged, so that I could continue nursing, etc.  She was in the NICU until the following Tuesday.  Now, I realize that the fun part of visiting new mommies is seeing the new baby, but I only had ONE friend come visit when I was in the hospital that week.  Many of my friends have kids, so I know they didn't want to bring them up there, but it just kind of sucked that I felt like people didn't want to come see me b/c they wouldn't be able to see my baby!  So, if possible, go visit your friend, to see how SHE is, not just to oogle her baby .

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant, I don't know why that's bugged me so much recently!

sandrarodz

I too had my babies at 29 weeks and my own were first close to your friends babies weights. 2lbs 5oz and 2lbs 14oz. 

I remember always being in such a hurry to get to the hospital that sometimes I would forget about food. It would have been nice to have a hot meal taken to me while I was at the hospital during shift change.  They are going to want to be there as much as possible.  All day long. I also remember feeling anxious when I was at home cleaning or washing clothes because I always felt like I was wasting time when I could be at the hopital.  So maybe if you offered to clean or if they have pets to take care of them once in a while?

tommygrl820

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses!! I have visited her twice in the hospital, dropped off some meals and plan to drop 2 meals big enough to freeze and reheat, a week. I am going to pick her laundry up once a week.

Their neighbor has the dogs covered but i'll make sure that actually happens. 

The babies are doing well. Neither on a vent- one on CPAP

She goes home today and she is so anxious about leaving I wish I had words to comfort her. As of now, the NICU nurses told them to prepare for the babies to stay until their due date, 3/17. We are of course hoping for sooner :-)

You are all so amazing. This experience is teaching me not to take so many things for granted.

I hope all your families continue to grow and get healthier and stronger each day.