New here...just trying...and scared?
Hi! First, I wanted to introduce myself...I am Liz, I am 35 (going on 36 way to soon), newly married, and just going to try for the first time this month.
That being said, I love my friends and family, but need a polite way to tell them to butt out. I had a miscarriage a long time ago, in college. I am over 35, and I have had blood clots. I know I am considered high risk (not due to m/c, but the "old" and blood clots...). I have been off of birth control for over a year. I have not started charting, and know that I should. I am nervous that its going to be hard for us to get pregnant, and that maybe I waited too long, etc...but most of all I am sick of the questions/advice: "are you trying", "why arent you PG yet", "him on top is best" "read this book"; "this is how you should start"...ahhhh. Is there a polite way to tell people, especially people I am not close with, to back off?
Sorry for the rant! I am excited to lurk here :-)
Re: New here...just trying...and scared?
Welcome, Liz! I've been a member here since Thanksgiving, 2010, but have been TTC since 08/2010 (see signature below for brief history). I hope you find this group as supportive and helpful as I have!
I'm sure your question is going to get lots of responses. I know I have had-it-up-to-here with "well-meaning" F&F and their comments. My personal favorite is, "You'd get pregnant if you'd just relax about it." Ahhh! Also, since I'm in healthcare, I also have patients constantly asking me, 'When are you going to have a baby?" or "Why don't you have a baby yet?"...these people are virtual strangers to me, yet they think these are appropriate things to ask! Anyway, for the F&F, I usually just thank them for their insight and say something to effect of "We'll let you know when we have news to share", then change the topic. I've noticed that after a while, they get it and leave the topic alone. As for acquaintances and strangers, I just say "That's a personal matter" and move on. I don't feel a need to apologize to them or sugarcoat my response. They're the rude one for asking such a personal question.
I hope that helps. Congratulations on your recent marriage and good luck to you! Keep us posted
Endometriosis, s/p lap 2009
Behcet's disease, s/p partial vulvectomy 2010
Started bromocriptine to lower prolactin level 2010
Clear HSG 11/2010
DH morphology = 4, rest of SA looked good 01/2011
02/2011 First Clomid 50mg cycle
BFP 03/02/2011
No heartbeat at 10w5d 04/18/2011; D&C 04/23/2011
07/2011 Second Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
08/2011 Third Clomid 50mg cycle, BFN
10/2011 First Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
11/2011 Second Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFN
12/2011 Third Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = BFFN
01/2012 Fourth Clomid 100mg cycle with Ovidrel trigger = ?
Welcome!
Will you be on blood thinnners while TTC I assume?
I find my family doesn't ask when we will be TTC (I was nervous over Christmas) but friends/colleagues do. I just say "we are trying, we will see what happens" and general stuff like that. People can sure be nosy.
Welcome on the crazy train - I highly suggest heading over to www.fertilityfriend.com and learning all about charting.
best of luck to you!
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
Welcome, Liz! Hope you will find this a great place, as I do. Lots of wonderful people with sympathetic ears and good advice.
The questions about ttc don't stop, do they? I recently visited my SIL at the hospital after she delivered and the first thing her dad asked me was "So, are you guys going to have another?" I just brushed it off, but I still thought "How incredibly insensitive". Yes, we have been trying unsuccessfully for a year now, but glad you brought it up.
Welcome Liz!
My responses are a little different than yours because I am single so I get a lot of the "When are you getting married" and "you need to get married - you aren't getting any younger". Ugh! As if procreation is the sole reason for getting married. Anyway...
You might try some of these gems the next time you get asked rude and insensitive questions:
For the non-religious askers, "we're leaving it up to God. would you pray for us"
For those with bedroom advice. "would you mind coming over and watch us to make sure we are doing it right"
"We're not trying but we're not preventing". This is a good all around response for random people.
"We're just enjoying being married"
Hope you enjoy your stay here, but I also hope it's a short one.
Thank you ladies! We are leaving for Chile on January 22nd for the "honeymoon", and so I recently told someone
"I like to drink a lot of wine, and I am going to Chile. Do you think I want to be pregnant yet?".
Anyhow, I am going to see the dr before we leave to talk about blood thinners. My last doc didnt say I should go on them while ttc, but maybe I should be? Question has been added to my list, thank you!
Welcome! I am fairly new to the board as well and mainly a lurker too...But, I am trying to open up more and be more active!
When people start getting a little nosey, I tell them we sure have fun practicing. That usually shuts them up. I did get a giggle or two out of it as well come to think of it.
Anyways, Have a fantastic time on your honeymoon and good luck ttc!!
I really don't have any good advice (sorry) but I wanted to say welcome & GL in 2011 & hope you're stay on this board is short & sweet!!! Sadly the comments will keep coming & all I'd say was "It'll happen when it happens, I have no control over it" & that usually shut them up, sorry it isn't much!