How much trouble do you think we will get in for this one??? (Long)
So if you recall me & DH have a long-distance parenting schedule with SS10. This year being an even year we got to have him for winter break. We normally meet halfway when doing exchanges (which is a 5 hr one way drive for both) however this year BM calls and says that she is coming up to her parents so we can pick SS10 up from there. Wonderful (its only about a 1-1/2 hr one way drive from us to there).
So when DH goes to pick him up, BM asks for money for the trip since we didnt have to drive all the way. DH tells her to put it in writing and send him an email and that he would send her a check. (We've obviously been in court for a lot of years and have learned to get everything in writing, regardless of how insignificant it seems) BM gets all mad and says to SS10 "well it looks like we are not going to be able to buy what we wanted to now" and storms off into the house. DH asks his son what they were going to buy and tells him that if he needed something we will get it for him, but SS10 says that he has no idea what she's talking about.
So we've had him since the 22nd, with things going relatively smoothly. Then last night BM calls and says that now we have to take SS10 all the way home (a 20 hr round trip drive) since she came all the way up. We did not agree to this ahead of time. Its not like we can just do the whole 20 hour drive without getting a hotel room and being gone for 2 days. DH tells her that we are not driving the whole way and that we will meet her halfway like we always do at 2pm on Sunday. They proceed to argue and he says if you are not there at the meeting place I'm bringing him back home with me. I told him to send her an email confirming the time & place to meet on Sunday so that we had it in writing already, but what do you guys think? Are we obligated to take him all the way home? I think she is just mad that we wouldnt hand her over the cash and that she will come to pick her child up at the halfway point, but If she doesnt meet us is my DH going to have a kidnapping charge on him?
Re: How much trouble do you think we will get in for this one??? (Long)
What does the CO say? Does is specifiy that each parent drives halfway?
I'd DEFINITELY e-mail her and say something along the lines of:
"Per our conversation at drop off, please provide me a request in writing and I will reimburse you for half of your travel to drop off SS. Also, per our phone conversation on X date, I will be bringing SS to X drop off point at 2pm on Sunday."
If the CO specifies that she has to drive halfway and she DOESN'T pick up SS, I'd bring him home and then make a report with the police (just to back your DH up). I don't think he can be charged with kidnapping if she voluntarily does not come to get her child.
I wouldn't just keep him and keep working on BM meeting you half way. The question is why does she think he owes her anything?!?!?! She was going to her moms anyway I assume since it is the holidays. It just so happened to work out for you guys. Maybe offer to meet her an hour closer to her home but that is as far as I would go. I am not sure why she thinks she should be paid????
This is what I said as well. When we voluntarily make the whole trip to see SS10 for extra time we never ask her to help us pay for our travel expenses. But since it was our time and she made the trip (yes to see her parents for the holidays) she feels like we should pay her.
The CO is vague and just says "the cost of transportation shall be divided equally between the parties".
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You shouldn't pay her a dime.
And in your shoes, I would just tell her she has two choices. She can either meet you halfway like normal, or you'll come drop off the boy, but then she'll be hearing from your attorney so that you can modify the CO to include more details about pick ups and drop offs.
AND, if you have to bring the boy all the way home, you'll be billing her for half your transportation per the CO.
This.
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Looks like the CO only states she is responsible to pay only half of the transportation cost. Not that she is actually responsible for the transportation itself. She doesn't have to meet you half way like she has been doing.
Extra time is just that EXTRA its outside of the CO visitation and most likley she is not responsible to pay for that either.
Your DH should have asked if she wanted to be reimbursed since she was making the trip regardless of what she was making it for. She may have only made the trip thinking she would be reimbursed even though she was going to her parents house.
You assumed that she would be willing to pay for the trip there and now want her to pay for half of the trip to get SS back. You shouldnt be that upset since you never worked out the details from the beginning.
I agree with Tif that she is being unreasonable but I think OP has a point about the rest, even though she changed the pick up details according to the c/o she should be reinbursed for 1/2...it sucks that she is being like this but it is still the c/o. And according to the c/o it does not state who drives or where the pickup is so the father is responsible for getting the child home - I surely would not want to drive half-way to find out she is not there then drive all the way home and have to either drive half-way or all the way back a second day especially since the child would be missing school if he is not home for Monday.
The wording of the CO is not good. Too much room for error there. That said, If you have to drive all the way back (and stay in a hotel) then wouldn't she be responsible for 1/2 the cost as well?
I think you were in the right to ask that she email you or provide receipts for her travel to properly reimburse her. I would not blindly hand over money. But she did not drive the child all the way to your house so you should not have to drive the child all the way back to hers. I agree with making arrangements to meet closer to her house.
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Did BM show up on Sunday?
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