SS has been acting out (advice wanted)

jenniann87

SS is 7 (will be 8 in a few weeks). I have always had a really great relationship with him. He will call to come hangout here while his dad is at work and has said on numerous times how much he loves spending time here with me and his dad. He has always been a very well mannered child, until recently anyways. For the last couple months he has been getting more and more mouthy and smart with us. We tell him that it is unacceptable and take things away from him but nothing seems to work. We have talked to BM about this and she pretty much just blows it off as him being a 7yr old boy. (He could get away with murder if she let him).

He has been through alot in the last couple years. From me and his dad beginning to date, getting engaged and then pregnant and lossing that baby. We have talked to him about it as has his mom and her parents but he doesnt ever really have much to say about it. So I really dont think that is the problem. Now with this new pregnancy I am dreading how much affect it is going to have on him. We havent told him and wont for awhile.

I really dont know what to do about his actting out. It has taken a toll on me. Any advice would be appreciated. TIA.

katecham

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you thought about counseling or mentoring for your SS? If he is still upset about the baby, or upset about other issues, he may be more willing to talk about it to to someone else. Big Brothers, Big Sisters may be an option. I work for a Community Action Agency and we have a mentoring program for kids who have suffered losses (parent, sibling, etc.).

How stable is his schedule? Kids need and want stability, and with all of the changes that have been going on it could be that he is acting out due to a lack of stability/concrete schedule. Maybe getting him involved in a class (Karate, Boy Scouts, etc.), something that meets one night a week, every week, that doesn't change may help. My SD is in Dance and Gymnanstics and it really helps her keep track of her week (she's 6, so she doesn't have a calendar but she knows what is going to happen during the week).

shadowboxerkd

Sorry, I'm new to the board, so I don't know everyone's history. Hi!

One thing that came to mind is that maybe he's acting out b/c of the new baby coming? If he was maybe stressed or scared w/ the last baby, he may have been relieved (for lack of a better word) on some level. Then, when he hears another baby is on the way, he might be starting to freak. KWIM? 

jenniann87

katecham:

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Have you thought about counseling or mentoring for your SS? If he is still upset about the baby, or upset about other issues, he may be more willing to talk about it to to someone else. Big Brothers, Big Sisters may be an option. I work for a Community Action Agency and we have a mentoring program for kids who have suffered losses (parent, sibling, etc.).

How stable is his schedule? Kids need and want stability, and with all of the changes that have been going on it could be that he is acting out due to a lack of stability/concrete schedule. Maybe getting him involved in a class (Karate, Boy Scouts, etc.), something that meets one night a week, every week, that doesn't change may help. My SD is in Dance and Gymnanstics and it really helps her keep track of her week (she's 6, so she doesn't have a calendar but she knows what is going to happen during the week).

Thank You. I will look into some sort of counseling for him. He has a very routine schedule. Is in basketball with practice one day a week and games on Saturdays. He knows he is with me and his dad Saturday and Sundays overnight and Wednesdays after school. The other days he splits with his mom and her parents. So I dont think it has anything to do with scheduling but maybe if we get him a calander that might help.

jenniann87

shadowboxerkd:

Sorry, I'm new to the board, so I don't know everyone's history. Hi!

One thing that came to mind is that maybe he's acting out b/c of the new baby coming? If he was maybe stressed or scared w/ the last baby, he may have been relieved (for lack of a better word) on some level. Then, when he hears another baby is on the way, he might be starting to freak. KWIM? 

He doesnt know about this baby yet. We havent told him bc of what happened last time. We have decided to wait until later along. But thank you.

teacherbride7

I, too am sorry for your loss. We experienced a mc in October, but we hadn't told anyone so FSD didn't know, however she is 6 (7 in April) and we had the same issue with an attitude.   Her mom met someone and was married and her dad met someone and was engaged all within 18 months, so she has had a LOAT of changes. 

With my education background, I went straight to "what would I do in my classroom?"

So we made a behavior chart. (I googled behavior modification chart and printed off several for free). I explained it to FH and he was on board so the next  time she came over, we talked to her about it and she loves  it.  Granted, it's still new and I am sure it'll wear off eventually, but for now, it's working and her behavior/attitude has completely turned around.