How can I help L be more independent? (whine and discipline help)

r9stedt

L forever wants me to do things that he is perfectly capable of doing, mainly his morning routine, or just flipping on a light switch.

I know I am bad about just doing things for him (because I am usually rushed in the mornings) because it is just quicker and easier.   However, I am starting to feel the ill consequences of doing so, in addition to him becoming whiney if I DON'T do it for him.

By now he should be able to get himself ready in the mornings, right?  I just have to tell him over and over and over and over and over to go do these, by that time I am so frustrated with him not listening, and probably running late, I just do it for him.  I know this isn't doing either of us favors.   I have tried to get up earlier to allow more time, but it takes him 15 minutes to just go put on his underwear after I tell him 29 bajillion times to do so.    What are consequences that I should implement here?   Time out?   Other suggestions? 

I took time this morning (at work of course) to sit down and make a picture chart of everything that I want him to do in the mornings, hoping this will help.   

1.  Diaper in trash can
2.  Brush teeth
3.  Take of Pjs.
4.  Put on underwear.
5.  Pants.
6. Shirt
7. Socks
8.  Shoes

Is that asking too much?

When he continues to ask me to turn on a light for him, I remind him to go use his stool.  However, he will WHINE and WHINE and WHINE and WHINE.   How do you discipline whining?  Other than vinegar of course.   However, that is sounding rather effective...  Time out?  Toys taken away?  

 

Tips, anyone.  I'm at my wits end with dependence on things he CAN do himself, and the whining.  Oh the whining.  No back talking, just good old fashioned whining!!

 

august06mom

I don't think you are asking too much. These are the things I ask my 4yo to do, except that I help him brush his teeth becaus I don't think he does a good enough job, and I'm anal about that. We had this exact problem, and I just started putting him in his room and closing the door and telling him not to come out until he's ready to go. Obviously, you'd have to do this on a weekend or a day when you actually have time. But now he knows that if he hurries up, he has time to do something fun (I usually try to read him a quick book), or he's allowed to sit and color until it's time to go. The first few times it took forever, and there were some tantrums, but now it's mostly smooth sailing. I feel your pain!

justEK

How much sleep is he getting a night?

Sometimes I will tell DD, "Change of rules." Is he just screwing off in the mornings? Watching t.v.? Playing with trains? Is he really hungry in the mornings?

DS tries to come out in his pj's. He makes such a mess with breakfast and I do not have enough pj's for him to eat in them every morning. He fights me when I try to change him. I decided to tell him that he can have breakfast when he's ready to change. He's so hungry when he wakes up, he's ready to change now.

Can you tell L that he can watch t.v. as soon as he gets dressed? Or whatever he loves he can have when he's ready?

angiepangie

I'm still having trouble with my 5y/o doing these things. I saw a while back some ladies here using a baseball type technique that seemed to work well for them. I was going to try it out for DD, but as we aren't into sports it didn't seem like it would make sense to my daughter.

Say first base is eating breakfast, 2nd base is changing clothes, 3rd might be putting shoes on, and home run is being ready to walk out the door. They would have a set amount of time for each stage. Then maybe there would be a prize involved for having a home run. Not sure if that's exactly how it was done, but I thought it was a fun idea.

JenniC1135

The rewards (stickers) and a picture chart are a good start.  I have found that my kids are much more able to get ready in a timely way if we don't turn the TV on, so that's become a special thing for non-school mornings only.  Also, it only took one time of loading DD into the car still in her pajama top with no shoes for her to realize I meant it when I said we were leaving at x o'clock in whatever she had on at the time.  I did let her change in the car before going in to school, but told her next time we wouldn't.  She does everything she is supposed to without dawdling now.

r9stedt

Thanks.  I think I am going to try the sticker chart thing.

I guess I should have mentioned that we don't have cable, and we do not watch movies in the morning.  No, L isn't playing with his trains, he is just following me around whining.  

He isn't tired.  He gets about 10 hours of sleep a night. 

 

Bellisimo

Definitely use positive reinforcement.  Sounds like he's wanting your time and attention.  Rewarding independent behavior in a timely manner would be appropriate.  I'm not sure how old your son is, but mine is 4 and is very interested in time....as in "how long until we have to leave for school?" and such.  We use a timer for lots of things such as brushing teeth (his toothbrush holder has an "hour glass" attached to it so he knows to brush at least 1 min.), time out, etc.  If you have to, set a kitchen timer for different tasks.  But I can tell you this, mine is 4 and he STILL dragsass in the mornings getting ready for school....and he LOVES going to school.  He can't dress himself including socks and shoes by himself yet.  I have to help him with a lot of it, but he's recently become VERY independent and insists on doing certain things himself (which takes extra time).  I just have to get up earlier and allow for more time in the a.m.s.  It's a test of my patience, but he's 4 so I expect it to be this way.

r9stedt

-auntie-:

Can he actually do the things you are asking? I appreciate that, as the only adult in your hom, you need him to- but can he?

I believe in a positive behavior program as well but I'm not a huge fan of stickers and charts and such. My approach would be to shut myself in the bedroom and tell him he can come in once he has his clothes on.

Another alternative is to dress him for the next day at bedtime. It's a strategy used by a lot of moms who have somewhere to be in the morning and a slow poke child.

On the whining- when I whined to my pedi about DS's whining she informed me that "mothers who whine have kids who whine". Once I stopped DS did as well.

Yes, he CAN do them, or I wouldn't be expecting him to do it.  

I can't dress him for the day the night before because 1/2 the nights he still pees through (two) diapers.  

:::cocksheadsideways:::

Are you calling me a whiner?    I do NOT whine to my child.  :wtf:

AnnapolisLari

r9stedt:

[Are you calling me a whiner?  I do NOT whine to my child.  :wtf:

Sure looks like it to me.

But don't forget that -auntie- is the resident expert on everything. I'm surprised that she didn't suggest that L might be on the autism spectrum, because you know, she has a son who is. 

r9stedt

Now, if there was an adult I could talk to on a daily basis, I might whine to that person about my day occasionally .  However, whining to my child about my day will get me no where.

 

st.lucia bride

I know this might sound kind of cruel, but the natural consequences of not getting dressed in the morning are going to preschool in your pjs.  If you are willing to try it I'd just wrap him in a blanket (wet diaper and all) and put him in his car seat and send him to school with his clothes. 

r9stedt

st.lucia bride:

I know this might sound kind of cruel, but the natural consequences of not getting dressed in the morning are going to preschool in your pjs.  If you are willing to try it I'd just wrap him in a blanket (wet diaper and all) and put him in his car seat and send him to school with his clothes. 

Psh.  He honestly wouldn't care.  I have done it.  Well, to daycare.  Not to preschool.  NO DIAPERS allowed at preschool.