2+ mommas

ReeseM

I have my MIL and FIL on standby to watch DD when I go to the hospital (provided they are in town since they have a trip until 1/18 and I am due 2/1!). They don't live far from there so I will be able to see her when I want, after baby comes. Anyways, I am a little worried that I will worry about her the whole time I am in there!

DD1 is so great, and does really well provided she sticks to her routine. She is ok with change, but obviously this is a  lot of change. MIL does not always do the things I ask. I know it's not the end of the world, but with baby coming home, I really want to try to keep DD1s world as normal as possible. Things like normal bed and naptime, and not feeding her total crap for 3 days.

I have already talked to MIL about this, but I am not sure my wishes will be listened to anyways. How can I stress that I really mean it?!  I am actually leaning towards sending DH over there in the evenings and having my mom stay with me in the hospital.

lilbit923

I understand your problem. My son (9 years old) is with my parents for the week. Now at my house I make full balanced meals. At their house he will eat bacon, eggs and hot chocolate for breakfast, corn dogs and hot chocolate for lunch and no telling what crap they fix for dinner which will likely have hot chocolate as well. They don't make him brush his teeth. It's horrible. I can tell my parents, after the thousands I have spent on his mouth, to have Connor brush his teeth and it does no good. It's a fight.

My suggestion would be to pack frozen meals you find suitable for your daughter and send those with her when she's staying with the IL's. Pack appropriate snacks and if you have to, send bottled water. Whether or not your MIL follows your rules for your child, you might not know. But at least you did what you could.

FutureMrsCaesar

If you have already stressed to them how important it is to keep her on a routine then honestly that's about all you can do.  My parents will be watching DS and are kind of similar, they are very lax on things like naptime/bedtime and basically let him snack all day long (usually healthy snacks, but he still does better with real meals and less snacking).  I'm trying to think of it this way: yes, they will let him do things I wouldn't necessarily do BUT they also do other fun things with him that I don't get to do also.  My dad will play tag with him for hours, DS and my mom have 'parades', etc etc and he loves all the interaction. 

Also, I think sending your DH over in the evenings to help with her bedtime is a great idea.  I'm sure she will be really happy to see him and have some 'normalcy' in those few days.  We are planning to have DH go home to put DS to bed as well and maybe stay over or maybe come back to the hospital...but definitely go home and spend a little time with him and put him to bed.

Lucky_Dragonfly

I know what you mean. My IL's are going to be taking DS as well while I am in the hospital. He is really good with them and they are pretty good about following what we say. They live about 15-20mins from the hospital backroads or 10min by highway so MH can always run over there to check on him. I have toyed with the idea of still having DS go to daycare so that his routine will be almost the same. Maybe have MH drop him off in the morning, have the IL pick him up and bring him to their house and then MH would get him and bring him home so he can sleep in his own bed. This is all contingent on if I go at the beginning of the week when DS is in daycare. If its the weekend then he can just stay at the IL's. DS spent the weekend ther back in April when MH and I had a wedding to go to OOS so we know he can handle that.

*sallymad*

We have the same problem, my MIL and Mom are staying here while we're in the hospital and between my MIL not being able to say no to DD and my Mom who loves to win dd over with candy and sweets I was worried.So I wrote up her schedule and put on there how important it is that dd stay on her schedule and not to spoil her too much so we won't have to start all over once we come home with DD2. I'm hoping and praying that they both kind of listen, dd1 totally knows that she can push the buttons of my MIL and Mom and can become such a brat after she's with them.

smllel

This is my 3rd little one.  I understand about your wanting her routine to stay the same...I feel the same way.  But, I have found, that 1-No one can do things exactly like I would have them done...and I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH THAT! 2-This is a time when grandparents can spoil and do their own thing without mom and dad hovering.  This is very important for them. 

I am nervous about leaving my DDs with my ILs.  I will leave instructions, but I have to be okay with the fact that they are going to do things the way they feel comfortable doing them. It is only for a few days...they are kind enough to take off from work to help us out , so I have to be flexible with them too.

 Don't worry.  Everything will be fine.  Express your wishes, but be flexible.  Your DD will be fine. 

mamarazzi

Now is as good a time as any to learn you have to let go a little when you have to rely on help from others -- something you'll need to do more once you have more than one.

Definitely make your wishes known, but realize that things probably won't be done exactly as you'd like them to all day, every day that you're away.  I know my DS1's bedtime was pushed back and his naps weren't ideal while I was having DS2, but he had a ton of fun with Nana and Papa and got lots of attention and that was my biggest concern.  He adjusted just fine when he came back home -- kids are resilient.

You'll obviously worry about her -- that's your job as a mom -- but try not to sweat the little stuff and trust that your MIL and FIL will take great care of her, even if it's not precisely the way you'd like.  After all, they raised your H and clearly they did okay there or you wouldn't have married him. 

Jaylea

I know my parents and ILs spoil DD when she's with them... but with all the changes that are going to be hitting at once, this is not something I am worrying about at all. I think it will be good for her to get some doting attention for a day or two. I think H will likely head home with DD after the baby is born, so she can be at home (and so one of us will be well rested when baby and I get home - we did this with DD too and it was great).  DD is a total mama's girl, so she's going to struggle with me not being home. I think getting some treats and extra spoiling will be a GOOD thing.

But I will also add that I'm not one to be overly concerned with schedules, so this likely factors into my attitude about it as well.

~adamwife~

I sent my DH home to be with my older son while I was in the hospital the last time.  I'll admit that I was really lonely and I wanted to be there with them the whole time, but I thought it was what was best for my son.  I wanted him to be in his own house and to be able to maintain his normal routine.

I also checked out of the hospital as soon as they would let me (24 hours) so I could get home and be with my son.

If you want MIL to take care of your LO I would suggest writing out everything.  Write out a schedule, pepare all meals and snacks aead of time, and ave everything else that you want to happen listed for her.  Remind her of how important it is to you that she follows your instructions and have your DH check up on everything.  I would also suggest asking your MIL to watc your LO in your house, because I know that every time the grandparents have my kids at their houses routines get shaken up because the kids are out of their element.

aggiemeg

mamarazzi:

Now is as good a time as any to learn you have to let go a little when you have to rely on help from others -- something you'll need to do more once you have more than one.

Definitely make your wishes known, but realize that things probably won't be done exactly as you'd like them to all day, every day that you're away.  I know my DS1's bedtime was pushed back and his naps weren't ideal while I was having DS2, but he had a ton of fun with Nana and Papa and got lots of attention and that was my biggest concern.  He adjusted just fine when he came back home -- kids are resilient.

You'll obviously worry about her -- that's your job as a mom -- but try not to sweat the little stuff and trust that your MIL and FIL will take great care of her, even if it's not precisely the way you'd like.  After all, they raised your H and clearly they did okay there or you wouldn't have married him. 

This. When DS was born, DD was 2.  I made a 2-page document with routine, emergency numbers, safety (grandparents don't always know that popcorn and hotdogs pose choking hazards), and "suggestions" for a smooth stay.  At the end of it all, I'm sure they couldn't follow it exactly, but at least it was spelled out right there.

Also, if there are one or two things that are THE MOST important to you, things that you know will cause trouble for DD, let them know... "if all else fails, these things need to happen or need to not happen."  That way they feel like they have some freedom but they can understand and separate what you feel very strongly about.  With my daughter, it was caffeine.  I know they would just let her drink cokes at their house if I didn't put my foot down and say absolutely not.

strimble26

Jaylea:

I know my parents and ILs spoil DD when she's with them... but with all the changes that are going to be hitting at once, this is not something I am worrying about at all. I think it will be good for her to get some doting attention for a day or two. I think H will likely head home with DD after the baby is born, so she can be at home (and so one of us will be well rested when baby and I get home - we did this with DD too and it was great).  DD is a total mama's girl, so she's going to struggle with me not being home. I think getting some treats and extra spoiling will be a GOOD thing.

But I will also add that I'm not one to be overly concerned with schedules, so this likely factors into my attitude about it as well.

I could have wrote this word for word.  I agree totally and hope DD gets some extra spoiling in my absence.  And her schedule is *ahem* lacking so I am not worried about this either