f/u re: TTT

sugarisamazing

Wow! I went back to read more TTT posts- they're usually the highlight of my Tuesdays Thank you for the support! Its really nice to have a place to kind of let some stuff out when I'm not ready to talk to anyone IRL yet. Like I said, I don't normally air dirty laundry online, but I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

I did text my mom that I had a fight with B and I'm not ready to talk about it, but I do want to talk about it eventually. My mom understands how I am with stuff like that.

Thinking about it now, I guess I can kind of see how this all started: B's family isn't really sure about us yet. This Xmas was the first family get-together that we've really been to together for her family. They are all aware of us and really accepting, I just don't think they really know how to act with us, especially because our daughter is from my marriage. They all consider her my daughter and not really B's daughter. They all meant well, and I didn't take it personally, but I think B did. Her brother's GF just had a baby, so all the "you're next" comments started coming. At first B said things like "We've got our hands full with Sug here, but maybe someday" and then there were comments made behind our back (I heard some of them) about her not getting a chance to have a baby and something to the tune of being forced to raise someone else's baby. I just don't think her family really gets that part of our situation.

When we first got together, no one had issues with the gay thing, it was all about babies and grandbabies to her family. Her mom cried when B told her about us and all she was crying about was "What about children? You're throwing away your chances to have a family." I know that was really difficult for her and she talks to a therapist and I know that's been a hot topic. Her mom doesn't really understand that we have a daughter and we can still have more children.

As to why B doesn't want to carry, honestly that's news to me. I always thought she wanted to because she was so interested and involved with my pregnancy. I'm definitely not making excuses for what she said to me and how either of us handled it, but I don't think she was prepared for the comments and questions from family over the holidays. I had thought about it before and I just kind of brushed it off.

B is kind of a hot-head, and I'm not usually a drinker, so I think we'll take a couple days to just cool off and think about some things. I think I'm going to try writing a letter so I can get my thoughts and questions in order before we try talking. I don't know how that will work because I'm seriously bawling right now just writing this and I don't even know you guys!

Thanks to anyone who read through all of this! It felt good to just get stuff out and re-think some things.

butterflygrooves

(((HUGS)))

ssg73

I don't have any advice but I hope things get better soon.  Families can be rough even when they are accepting.  Hugs

2brides

I am sorry that you are both dealing with some strong emotions. SSG is right, families can be hard even when they are accepting. You guys haven't been together that long and in my experience, families go through stages of acceptance. Her family might have been very accepting at first, but then started to think about the children/grandchildren, etc and those questions/thought/emotions get transferred to you guys.

Take a chance to talk it out with B and see where she is emotionally. The holidays are stressful enough - add some family pressure and something is bound to pop!

 Good luck!

leapgirl8

When I first read your TTT, I was really mad at B (even though as you said, we don't know each other!). And I'm not justifying anything that was said - but I realized after reading this how lucky Jen and I are that we got together when we were really young, and have had almost 10 years for her family to get used to the idea of us before bringing kids into the picture. I do not expect it to be an easy road even at this point for a number of reasons (one of which is that we're big ol' gay sinners, of course), but it could have been much harder if we had had to deal with it right at the beginning of our relationship and their awareness of Jen's sexuality. All I really have to offer is hugs and hope, I guess, but I still wanted to offer it.